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The Tell-Tale Toy/Transcript

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Return to "The Tell-Tale Toy".

[Scene opens up showing the Fanlair, then Fanboy and Chum Chum peek through the mail slots in the door and look aroung, giggling and groaning]

Fanboy: [groaning] When is the postman gonna get here? [they close the mail slots] Doesn't he know we want to play junk mail-lympics?
[Suddenly, mail falls through the mail slots into boxes next to F&C. Fanboy gasps, then they smile]
Fanboy and Chum Chum: [singing] Junk mail! [they slap hands]
Fanboy: Yes. Let the games begin! [fakes a gun shot with his hand]

Fanboy: [puts a shampoo bottle in CC's face] Trial size dandruff shampoo. [squeezes it]
Chum Chum: Ooh. [slams FB back with a coupon] A coupon for free ranch dressing.
Fanboy: [shows a tube of toothpaste] A sample size tube of sleeper hold denture cream. Guaranteed to hold through all night-time sneezing. [sneezes his teeth out to Chum Chum]
Chum Chum: Eek. [the teeth are on his nose]

Fanboy: Okay, Chum Chum. [takes his teeth back] Last ups.
Chum Chum: [Takes a red package out of a box] I got a cardboard box.
Fanboy: [sprays toothpaste on his teeth] I believe victory is mine. [puts his teeth back]
Chum Chum: A cardboard box from the...Toyco toy company. [after the pause, he turns the box around to show a white ninja action figure]
Fanboy: Huh?! [his teeth pop out again] Ah.
Chum Chum: It's finally here!
Fanboy: An Ultra-Ninja figure with hi-ya! Action hands? Let me see it! let me see it!
Chum Chum: Uh, sure. See? [holds up the box briefly]
Fanboy: No, no, no, no. I mean "see it", you know, with my hands? Gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme!
Chum Chum: I don't know, Fanboy. Whenever you touch my toys, you always break them.
Fanboy: Why are you still talking? All I hear is, "Blardy-blar-blar-blar, can you have Fanboy touch this?".
Chum Chum: [protects the box] No! You're gonna break it!
Fanboy: [gasp] How dare you, sir. Where would you get such a cockamamie idea?
Chum Chum: Well...

[Flashback to many years ago]
Baby Chum Chum: You broke-ted my teddy bear!
Baby Fanboy: [Nibbles on a teddy's arm, spits it out] Sorry.
Baby Chum Chum: [Holds plate broken into half] You broke my Man-Arctica plate!
Baby Fanboy: [Hides a slingshot behind his back] Sorry.
Baby Chum Chum: My tiny toy turtle!
Baby Fanboy: [While blow torching the turtle] Sorry.
[End of flashback]

Fanboy: Wow, you're right, I do break all of your stuff! I'm sorry, Chum Chum, I feel awful.
Chum Chum: It's okay, Fanboy. It's just who you are, and I accept that about you.
Fanboy: Ooh! So I can touch it?
Chum Chum: Absolutely not.
Fanboy: [dejected] Well, I guess I can see that. I'd probably feel the same way. Okay, Chum Chum, I promise. I will not touch it!
Chum Chum: Really?
Fanboy: Fanboy-Chum Chum Super Shake of Trust! [they hold hands]
Fanboy and Chum Chum: [singing] Super Shake of Trust!

[Fanboy lands on the ground, only to hear a cracking sound below him]
Fanboy: Hmm? [Looks down to see Chum Chum's arm is broken and stretched] Sorry.
Chum Chum: It's okay, [releases his hand] I accept that about you.
Fanboy: Thanks, buddy.
Chum Chum: What are friends for? Well, I think I'm gonna run down to the hospital and get my arm bone set. They gave me this card that says the tenth cast is free. See ya later, Fanboy! [pause] Could you get the door?
[Fanboy opens the door, then closes it, only to slam Chum Chum's hand in the door]
Chum Chum: Uh, little help?
Fanboy: Ooh. Sorry, buddy!

[Fanboy opens the door and closes it after Chum Chum lets his arm through. Just one second later, he glances toward the Ultra-Ninja in the box. He opens the door back up]
Fanboy: Chum Chum! You forgot your Ultra-Ninja! I'll bring it to you. Ooh, wait, can't touch it. Uhh... [to Chum Chum] Don't worry! It'll be safe here with me! [closes door]
[He sees the ninja again. His perspective, camera zooms in on the Ultra-Ninja who raises an eyebrow. Back on Fanboy. He rubs his eyes, then inches toward the Ultra-Ninja but quickly stops]
Fanboy: Control yourself, Fanboy, you owe it to Chum Chum, just...don't look at it. [He turns his head and his body turns with it, but his eyes turn to the back] No! [He turns back around] Oh, look at it. Just beggin' to be touched. [Walks toward the Ultra-Ninja and tries to draw his hand back] Must resist! Must - get - away! [Flops back]

Fanboy: [gasp] I'm weak. I'm weak, I admit it. Besides, Chum Chum wouldn't care if I grazed it a little. I mean, all he said is "Don't touch it". He didn't say "Don't touch it, don't touch it". Two totally different things, am I right? Yes, you are. thank you.
[At that moment, Fanboy's head turns around to look at the Ultra-Ninja as he starts to wimper. Cut to an extreme close up of Fanboy's eyes. For a moment they're open, then Fanboy closes them to resist, but they slowly open back up again. On the Ultra-Ninja, it fires a green laser vision which drags Fanboy toward it. Fanboy starts to become entranced, but he instantly closes his eyes again to block it]
Fanboy: What! What am I doing?! Chum Chum's my best friend! We even did the Super Shake of Trust, the world's most trusted super shake! And I shall not, nay, I will not betray my Chum Chum!

[He turns around. After a pause, some box rustle noises are heard]
Fanboy: Huh? Uhh... [Turns around and gasps]
[The empty box that the Ultra-Ninja was in falls down after a beat. Fanboy looks down to see he's holding the Ultra-Ninja as horrible music is heard]
Fanboy: Ninja! [screams] No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Back you go into your box. [then, entranced by it] Ooh, but feel that fresh, factory plastic. Oh, there's still some sweat from the shop. And look at that high-gloss finish! [It shines, leaving Fanboy a little smoky] And let's not forget the super awesome, aviminitated but never duplicated, Hi-ya! Action hand! [Presses the button on the ninja's back, but nothing happens] Hi-ya! Hi-ya! Hi-ya! [He continues to press the button, but nothing happens, still] Hey. Where's the "hi-ya" action? [repeatedly presses the button] Wait a minute, this must be a test - to teach me an important lesson. [After a beat, he puts the ninja on the floor] ALWAYS PRESS HARDER!
[He repeatedly presses the button, this time harder, shouting. But the ninja doesn't do anything, it just breaks into pieces. Fanboy stares, then presses the button one more time. His worry is now replaced with shock]

Fanboy: [screams] AHH! I broke it! Chum chum's gonna be so disappointed in me. [He moans, but his conscience self comes out and smacks him] Oh, thanks, I needed that. [Conscience Fanboy returns to normal Fanboy's head] Maybe it's not too late. I'll do CPR. [jumps on the broken ninja] Ba-dump, ba-dump, ba-dump, ba-dump. Eh, eh, eh, eh. Eh, ah, ah, ah! There, that should save you.
[He just broke it more. His conscience self pops out]
Fanboy/Conscience Fanboy: AHH! WHAT HAVE I DONE?!?
[He faints, then looks at the broken ninja. He then constantly repeats this phrase over and over]
Fanboy: AHH! WHAT HAVE I DONE?!? [faint, stare] AHH! WHAT HAVE I DONE?!? [faint, stare] [Show the outside of the Fanlair] AHH! WHAT HAVE I DONE?!? [scene goes to night] [faint, stare] AHH! WHAT HAVE I DONE?!? [faint, stare] [scene goes back to day] AHH! WHAT HAVE I DONE?!? [Back to the interior] [faint, stare] AHH! WHAT HAVE I - wait. There's no need for panic! I can rebuild him! I have the technology!

[Later, Fanboy is dressed as a nurse and is working hard. He has a seagull as his assistant. The seagull gives him everything he asks for]
Fanboy: Scalpel. Tweezers. Hot glue gun. Screwdriver. [notices the point] I said phillips head! [smacks the seagull away, then works hard. Soon, the ninja is fixed] It's perfect! [A feather falls on his nose just as the seagull returns. He starts to sneeze, but the seagull stops him] Ah, thank you.
[The seagull sneezes, sending the ninja flying]
Fanboy: AHH! [sees the broken ninja and gasps] Oh, boy. oh, boy. What am I gonna do? I can't let Chum Chum know I broke another one of his toys! Oh, how do I get myself into these things? How do I get myself out of this thing? [gasp] I'll hide the evidence. Yes. But where? Where? [Thinking] Come on, Fanboy, use your head. Use your head. [Normal] Wait a minute, who said that?
Head flap: I did.
Fanboy: [puts the broken ninja in his head] Oh, thanks, Slappy. [snickering] There. [lies down on the couch with his eyes closed] Fanboy, you are a genius.

[The scene changes to Fanboy's dream sequence. Fanboy is sleeping when the room rumbles, waking him up]
Chum Chum: [off camera] FANBOY!!!
[The room rumbles again]
Chum Chum: [off camera] FANBOY!!!
[The room rumbles yet again]
Fanboy: Whoa! What's going on?
[The roof opens. An angry Chum Chum, at giant size peeks through]
Fanboy: Chum Chum? [Giant Chum Chum growls and reaches his hand out] [tries to run away] Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa! [Gets grabbed and is pulled toward the giant Chum Chum's face. He looks very angry] Uh, hey buddy.
Chum Chum: WHO BROKE MY TOY?!?????!?
[Fanboy coughs the broken Ultra-Ninja parts out of his mouth. The giant Chum Chum stares, then disappears, leaving Fanboy to fall back down into the Fanlair]
Fanboy: Whoa!
[End of dream]

Fanboy: Boy, that toy did not agree with me. [Looks at the rug, giggles, then puts the broken ninja under it, leaving a big lump under the rug. He sits on it] Perfect. Now I just have to think of what I'm gonna tell Chum Chum.
Chum Chum: [off camera] Tell me what?
[Fanboy is startled. His perspective, Chum Chum has returned. He has a big smile and his arm is the way it was before. Fanboy screams]
Fanboy: I mean, tell you that... [hugs him] you're the best pal in the world, buddy old pal.
Chum Chum: Aww, thanks. [notices the rug lump] Hey, is our rug lumpier than usual?
Fanboy: Nope, don't think so. Hey, best friend of mine, [runs around the Fanlair with Chum Chum in tow] Why don't we take the long way around and spend some time together, you know, get some exercise. Get the old ticker tocking. Mmm, smell that fresh recirculated air! [heavy breathing]
Chum Chum: Fanboy, are you okay?
Fanboy: Sure I am. Why wouldn't I be? [going down the slide] I never felt better in all my-- [sees the rug lump and screams]
Chum Chum: Fanboy, you seem awfully screamy today. Is there something you're not telling me?

Fanboy: I...um...uh...
[His perspective. The spirit of Chum Chum's Ultra-Ninja appears behind Chum Chum]
Ultra-Ninja Spirit: You must tell your friend the truth!
Fanboy: [pause] I can't. It'll destroy our friendship.
Ultra-Ninja Spirit: Anything broken can be fixed - with the truth.
[The spirit of Chum Chum's Man-Arctica plate appears]
Plate Spirit: A little glue never hurt either, hint, hint.
Fanboy: But--but I broke the Super Shake of Trust!
[The spirit of Chum Chum's teddy bear appears]
Bear Spirit: At least you have arms to do the Secret Handshake of Trust.
[Extreme close up of Fanboy, who looks toward Chum Chum. Due to his crazy mind, he sees Chum Chum's face disorented in his perspective, a la Picasso]
Chum Chum: Fanboy? Are you okay?
[The spirits begin to swirl around Fanboy, who starts to feel insane]
All Spirits: Tell Him! Tell him! Tell him! Tell him! Tell him!
Bear Spirit: Or we'll haunt your dreams forever. [giggles]

[The spirits disappear and Fanboy snaps]
Fanboy: ALL RIGHT! ALL RIGHT! [To Chum Chum] I'm so sorry, Chum Chum, I didn't listen! I didn't honor the Super Shake of trust! I'm bad! Bad, I tell you! [sob] I'm unclean!
Chum Chum: Fanboy, what are you talking about?
Fanboy: I...BROKE YOUR ULTRA-NINJA!!! [sobs] Do with me what you will.
Chum Chum: My...Ultra-Ninja?
Fanboy: [sniff] Uh-huh.
Chum Chum: Is the box okay?
Fanboy: [sniff] What?
Chum Chum: The box, man! Where's the box?!
Fanboy: Uh, it's over there. [throws Chum Chum out of the scene and flops to the ground]

Chum Chum: Oh, it's okay. Thank goodness.
Fanboy: Uh, didn't you hear me, Chum Chum? I broke your Ultra-Ninja.
Chum Chum: Oh, I was gonna give that to you. I only wanted the box. [puts the box on his head, but it's facing backwards] Look at me! I'm a tugboat captain! Toot toot! Chumma-chumma, chumma-chumma, chumma-chumma... [dashes off]
Fanboy: You mean you didn't -- so I didn't? There's no need to -- [grunts] I taste pennies. [kicks himself, then faints]
Chum Chum: Fanboy? Oh, Fanboy? [pause] Chumma-chumma, chumma-chumma, chumma-chumma, wah wah!

[Up near the roof, another dream starts. Giant Chum Chum and the spirits of his toys are watching what happened. Conscience Fanboy appears]
Conscience Fanboy: That boy sure is easy to please. [lies on the Ultra-Ninja Spirit, knocking it off] Well, am I right?
Ultra-Ninja Spirit: Oh, dear!
Chum Chum: [angry] Again?
Conscience Fanboy: Old habits? [nervous laugh]

[Iris out, the episode is over.]

Previous:
"The Frosty Bus"
Transcripts Next:
"Cold War"

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