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The Janitor's Apprentice/Transcript

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Return to "The Janitor's Apprentice".
Kyle upset his readmission process is reset s2e8b Oh, dear. This may set my re-admission process back...a bit.


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[Scene opens up with Fanboy jumping on some ketchup packets in the cafeteria]

Fanboy: Whew. Well, I give up. I have no idea how kangaroos put ketchup on their hot dogs.
Chum Chum: It's a mystery! [eats a hot dog in one bite] Let's focus our efforts on monkeys and how they eat meatballs.
Fanboy: Now, from what I know of monkey manners, well, the meatball is thrown in a flinging mo - [the ground rumbles] Whoa!
Lupe: [gasp]
Duke: [gasp]
Yo: [gasp]
Nancy Pancy: [gasp]
Michael Johnson: [gasp, wimper]
Kyle: [gasp] Wha - ? [drops lunch]

[A dump machine rolls in. Out from it steps Janitor Poopatine on Brenda]

Poopatine: So you thought you could make a mess in my cafeteria.
Fanboy: It's Janitor Poopatine!
Chum Chum: Poop! And he's driving a dumpster!
Russ: Huh? This is no dumpster! It's a highly advanced fully mechanized trash receptacle! I call it...the Dumpstar!
Fanboy and Chum Chum: [pause] Ohhhhhh! That's nice! [The Dumpstar's claws grab them] Woah!
Poopatine: I find your lack of cleanliness disturbing. Maybe you two will appreciate school property more when you're forced to clean it!
Fanboy and Chum Chum: [groaning]
Poopatine: Oh, Brenda, stop being so dramatic. They're not replacing you. I'm just teaching them a lesson. Whoa!

00:13:23 thud! 00:13:26 What are you doing? 00:13:28 - Everyone knows the best way to get out ketchup is with peanut butter. 00:13:32 Or is it soapy water? 00:13:35 - [growls] STOP THIS AT ONCE! 00:13:37 - Hold off on the peanut butter, chum. 00:13:39 - Boy, this peanut butter really sticks to the roof of your school. 00:13:46 - I see you have failed. 00:13:49 Perhaps I can find another task better suited to your feeble skills. 00:13:58 - Don't worry, janitor poopatine. 00:13:59 We're gonna clean this school every bit as good as you. 00:14:03 - Or better. 00:14:04 Look at all the garbage in here. 00:14:06 - It's not garbage. 00:14:08 It's my trash collection, like linty. 00:14:12 She's a beautiful work of art. 00:14:15 - You have a trash collection? 00:14:17 Where? 00:14:17 - Behind all this garbage? 00:14:19 - Oh! stop! my collection! 00:14:22 [grunts] Each piece of filth has a special place in my heart, like this paper clip. 00:14:31 It's all covered in goo. 00:14:33 Or this broken ruler, perfect for measuring things under two inches, like this paperclip! 00:14:40 Ooh, just over 1 1/4 inch. 00:14:42 Oh, that's beautiful. 00:14:43 - What's special about this soggy bologna sandwich? 00:14:47 - That's my lunch! 00:14:50 splat! 00:14:53 ding! 00:14:54 Now, just follow me and don't touch anything else. 00:14:57 Can you do that? 00:14:58 - I can do that. can you do that? 00:15:00 - I can do that. - let's go do that. 00:15:02 - I can do that. 00:15:03 - I can do that. 00:15:04 - I can do that. 00:15:05 [muttering] - I am poopatine. 00:15:08 I am old. 00:15:09 - [muttering] - I've never been down this hallway. 00:15:13 - It's making my bones cold. 00:15:16 - Welcome to the dark side of the school. 00:15:21 - You mean it's evil? 00:15:23 - No, I just haven't gotten around to replacing the fluorescent bulbs. 00:15:32 - What room is this? 00:15:33 - It's the school's oldest bathroom. 00:15:41 [panicked chirping] - It's okay, brenda. 00:15:44 Poopie will hold your claw. 00:15:50 beep! 00:15:53 - Uh, chum chum, tell me my jaw did not just touch this floor. 00:15:58 - Now you will pay the price for your lack of respect, .. 00:16:03 - Don't say toilets. 00:16:04 Don't say toilets. don't say toilets. 00:16:06 - Refilling the soap dispensers. 00:16:10 - Oh. 00:16:10 - Which somebody threw in the toilets. 00:16:13 [flies buzzing] [both groaning] [stomachs burbling] - [retches] - [evil laughter] Well, that ought to keep them busy for a few hours. 00:16:32 - Yoo-hoo! 00:16:33 We're done! 00:16:34 - Uh, wha? 00:16:36 Hmm? done? 00:16:38 There's no soap in here! 00:16:40 - We put it all in the big one. 00:16:42 - That's not a soap dispenser. 00:16:46 No! 00:16:47 That's the hand dryer! 00:16:51 Quick! turn off the power! 00:16:55 - Got it! 00:16:56 [grunts] - No, not that one. 00:16:58 That's the fan! 00:16:59 Whoa! 00:17:02 pop! 00:17:03 - Ooh. 00:17:04 - I can't tell who's punishing who. 00:17:08 Thank you, brenda. 00:17:10 Now you two--ow! 00:17:13 Brenda, I need you. 00:17:17 I've had it up to here with you. 00:17:19 Your work stinks! 00:17:21 Now all I want you to do is empty these wastebaskets. 00:17:26 Can you just do this one simple thing so I can finally let you off punishment? 00:17:33 .. 00:17:35 - Poop. 00:17:35 - We will not let you down. 00:17:37 - Thank you--oww! 00:17:40 Thank you--oww! 00:17:41 Stop saluting. 00:17:42 - We're going to have to do a really good job, chum chum. 00:17:45 - You know what would make him really happy? 00:17:47 If we emptied all the wastebaskets. 00:17:51 - All the wastebaskets? 00:17:52 What are we, machines? 00:17:54 Wait a minute. 00:17:55 I got an idea! 00:17:58 Nope, I lost it. 00:17:59 - [whistling] - Oh, I got it again. 00:18:06 Chum chum, follow me. 00:18:08 - My hair is stuck to old gum. 00:18:11 [making engine-revving sounds] Are you sure you know how to start this thing? 00:18:17 - Chum chum, I never told you this, but I come from a long line of janitors. 00:18:21 Their energy surrounds me, penetrates me, and binds this machine and I together. 00:18:29 ..this button. 00:18:33 [siren wails and horn honks] [yelling] - [sighs] - How about this one? 00:18:43 " - whoa! 00:18:47 It's a hologram poopatine! 00:18:49 - Poop. 00:18:51 - Welcome to the dumpstar. 00:18:53 What would you like to do today, russ? 00:18:57 - How about collect trash? 00:19:00 - Input invalid. 00:19:02 Try again. 00:19:04 - Collect trash. 00:19:05 - Dumpstar now set to trash collection. 00:19:10 - Yay! 00:19:10 - Chum chum, buckle up. 00:19:12 We're gonna do this for the pooper. 00:19:15 - Poop, poop. 00:19:16 click! click! 00:19:19 - Let's head for mr. mufflin's class. 00:19:21 His trash is always filled with our spelling tests. 00:19:24 - I'm on it! 00:19:27 - I've got two wastebaskets at 12:00. 00:19:30 Deploying receptacle grabulators. 00:19:33 [clanking] Stay on target. 00:19:37 Stay on target. 00:19:40 - Got it! 00:19:41 boom! 00:19:47 - What fun! 00:19:48 I love helping! 00:19:51 - [growls] [beeping] [gasps] My dumpstar! 00:19:59 - Remember, hank, a teacher goes down with his desk. 00:20:03 - Well, that's the last one, and it feels pretty full. 00:20:10 - Stop the dumpstar. 00:20:11 - Uh, chum chum, I think the hologram's talking, but I don't see anything. 00:20:17 - Look at me, you nitwits! 00:20:19 - I don't think I like its tone. 00:20:21 - Not me, you nitwits. him! 00:20:25 - [growling] - Hey, janitor poopatine. 00:20:28 - Pull over! pull over! 00:20:31 - I think he wants us to honk the horn. 00:20:34 [horn honks] How's that, huh? more horn? 00:20:37 He wants more horn. 00:20:39 [horn hon] - Oh, stop! 00:20:40 The dumpstar is not yet fully operational! 00:20:44 - It's okay. 00:20:45 We set it for trash collection. 00:20:47 - But there are no wastebaskets down this hallway. 00:20:51 .. 00:20:53 My trash collection! 00:20:56 [mechanical warbling] Ohhh! 00:21:04 I've got to get there first! 00:21:09 Oh, my trash! 00:21:12 Oh, no! 00:21:14 Save yourself, linty! 00:21:16 Get in the dryer. 00:21:18 Oh, what? 00:21:23 Oh, I forgot about that little wastebasket. 00:21:26 - Oh, it's got a little hoop. 00:21:29 Hoop. 00:21:30 We emptied all the wastebaskets in the school. 00:21:34 - Well, what do you know? 00:21:35 You boys finally did something right. 00:21:39 - Hey, look. 00:21:39 We'll even empty the dumpstar for you. 00:21:42 Hi-ya! 00:21:44 - No, you fool! 00:21:45 [electronic pulsing] My trash, ruined. 00:21:52 - Oh, boy. 00:21:53 I think we'll just tidy our way out of here. 00:21:54 - You boys have destroyed all that is precious to me and replaced it with a beautiful work of art. 00:22:04 Look at how the light glints off the banana peels. 00:22:09 - Yeah, it's great. 00:22:10 I could stare at it for hours. 00:22:12 - Thank you, boys. 00:22:13 I will treasure this in here forever. 00:22:17 squirt! 00:22:19 - I'm happy to stay, but can someone push me to the little cube's room?

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