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Return to "Speed Eraser".

[Scene opens with the title card song, then the school bell ringing]
Hank: Look, everyone! The latest piece in my "Chalks of the World" set came! Check it out! The Leaning Chalk Tower of Pisa, ooh! I can't wait to use it! Suck-Up! Get up here and erase this board! [pause] Hey, where's Suck-Up?
[Wizard sting, we see Kyle's empty desk]
Chum Chum: [gasp] Kyle's not in here to erase the board! Now's our chance!
Fanboy: Hmm?
Chum Chum: This is what we trained for.
Fanboy: I can't! I'm too nervous! [wimpers]
Chum Chum: Just picture everyone in their underwear...on the outside of their clothes.
Fanboy: [grunts] Uh, I can only picture you! [then, bravely] But it's enough.

[Fanboy goes to the board and picks up both erasers. Chum Chum turns on a boombox as the lights go out and a spotlight appears on Fanboy, ready to erase]
Class: Ooooooh!
Hank: Uh, the board is behind --
Chum Chum: Shh! [At Fanboy] Head down. Now, look up slowly. Now, look down! Now, point to yourself. Smiling, smiling. Turn to the board. And...erasing, erasing, erasing, erasing! Shoulder, chin, shoulder, shoulder, shoulder, double eraser hands! Big smile!
[Kyle walks in, carrying two erasers]
Kyle: So sorry I'm tardy, Mr. Mufflin. The dry cleaners couldn't find your erase -- [notices Fanboy] HUH?!
Chum Chum: Now, freestyle.
Kyle: What is Fanboy doing erasing my blackboard?
Hank: Shhhhh!
Kyle: Huh?
Hank: [literally zips Kyle's lips] I'm watching Genus.
Chum Chum: Now, swipe. Wink. Stay dooooown. Shoulder, chin, shoulder, shoulder, shoulder, double eraser hands! Point to the audience, aaaaand bite!
Class: [applause]
Fanboy: GOOD NIGHT, MR. MUFFLIN'S CLASS! [throws eraser into the audience]
Yo/Lupe/Nancy: [squealing, arguing]
Fanboy: Thank you, thank you. I'll be erasing autographs in the hallway after class.

Hank: Ho-ho-ho-ho, Purple Kid! Oh, that was the most amazing erasing I've ever seen! Ha ha ha.
Kyle: What about me?
Hank: Oh, thanks for reminding me. [gives Fanboy Kyle's erasers] Purple Kid, you're the new Eraser-er!
Kyle: Huh?
Fanboy: Oh, this is the happiest I've -- ever been -- in -- school, not including recess or lunch. [sheds a tear]
Kyle: Grr! But I am the Class Eraser-er! We had an agreement! [shows erasing contract]
Hank: Purple Kid.
Fanboy: [erases erasing contract] Huh?
Kyle: No!
Hank: [tosses Kyle away] Come on, kid. I want you to meet some of the chalk you'll be erasing. We begin in Paris with the Chalk de Triomphe, then a stroll down the Champs-Élysées.

Kyle: So! Fanboy wants my erasers, does he? Well...I'll give him one of my best.
[As he says this, ominous music plays as the lights go out. He conjures up a strange looking eraser and laughs evilly]
Kyle: Oh, Fanboy!
Fanboy: Yes, Kyle?
Chum Chum: Hey, why is it all dark and evilly over here?
Kyle: Hmm? Oh. [double clap, lights turn on and ominous music stops] So, Fanboy. When you took my erasers -- FOR WHICH I SWEAR YOU WILL PAY! A-ha, I mean -- w-w-when -- when I gave you my erasers, heh, I forgot to give you one, the best one of all! [presents the magic eraser]
Chum Chum: Ooh, fancy.
Fanboy: It's calling my name.
Eraser: Yobnaf. Yobnaf. Yobnaf. [opens claws]
Fanboy: Backwards, but it's my name!
Kyle: Why don't you take it for a spin?
Fanboy: Don't mind if I do!

[Fanboy takes the eraser and Kyle stares mischievously as the eraser drags Fanboy to the board]
Fanboy: Who-oah! Whoo, whoa. Somebody likes to take charge. Mm-hmm. [chuckles]
[The eraser glows and drags Fanboy all over the board, literally erasing it which makes a gaping hole in the wall]
Fanboy: Huh?
Class: [gasp]
Hank: Purple Kid, what have you done?!?
Kyle: Yes, Fanboy. What have you done? [evil laughter]
Hank: You freed us all!
Kyle: [stops laughing] Wha...?
Hank: If there's no blackboard, I don't have to teach! Well, what's everyone waiting for?! CLASS DISMISSED!
[Everyone cheers and follows Fanboy through the hole in the wall. Kyle just stared deadpanned]
Fanboy: Come on, everybody! Let's paint this town blank!

[At the Frosty Mart...]
Fanboy: Who wants Frosty Fr-eezy Freeze? OR should I say: Frosty Freezy Free? [erases the "ZE" in "freeze"]
Class: [cheering]
Fankylechum: [wimpering] I cannot open this.
Fanboy: [erases the top of Fankylechum's peanut bag] There you go!
Benjamin: [grunting] I can't reach!
Fanboy: Hmm. [erases the bottom portion of the shelf] Ta-da! Now you can!
Benjamin: [grabs a licorice] Yay!
Hank: [humming]
[Lenny presses the register. "$1000.09" appears on the screen]
Hank: [opens empty wallet] Aw, I'm a thousand bucks short.
Fanboy: Or, are you? [laughs and erases the "1000" on the screen, making it say "09"]
Hank: Whoo-hoo! Uh, can you spot me nine cents?

Fanboy: Hey, Chum Chum, how'd you like to have the high score on Chimp Chomp?
Chum Chum: That would be awesome! But we'll never beat Boog's high scores.
Fanboy: We won't have to. [erases the high score table on the machine and giggles]
[Boog can sense this miles away]
Boog: AAAHHH! I feel a great disturbance, like a million points cried out...and were suddenly silenced. [drives to the Frosty Mart] WHO ERASED MY HIGH SCORES?!? GRRRR! [At F&C] YOU!
Fanboy and Chum Chum: Dah!
Boog: I'M GONNA BOP YOU INTO DOWNTOWN PAINBURG!
Chum Chum: We gotta get out of here! I owe late fees at the Painburg Library!
Fanboy: Don't sweat it, Chum. I got this.
[Boog charges toward F&C like a bull]
Fanboy: Uh? [erases a hole in the floor]
Boog: [falls into hole and screams] How deep is this hole, anywayyyy? [hits bottom] Oof! That deep.
Chum Chum: That. Was. Awesome.
Hank: Hooray for the Purple Kid!
Class: Fanboy! Fanboy! Fanboy! Fanboy! Fanboy!
[Kyle has been seeing all this]
Kyle: Uuuuugh! He's destroying everything in town, and they praise him for it. Well, I know how to erase that smile off his face. [disappears]

[At the park...]
Hank: Hip, hip...
Class: Erase!
Hank: Hip, hip...
Class: Erase!
[A tornado appears, scaring off everyone. F&C just stay where they are. The tornado turns into Kyle as a giant]
Fanboy: Oh, it's just Kyle.
Chum Chum: Hey, Kyle!
[Kyle shrinks back to normal size]
Fanboy: Thanks again for the eraser. It really complements my destructive nature.
Kyle: Well, Fanboy, since you're so attached to your eraser, [produces wand] let's see what happens when it's attached to you!
[Kyle laughs evily and zaps the eraser, making it's claws regenerate and close on Fanboy's hand, locking it in place]
Fanboy: WHA!!!
Chum Chum: WHA!!!
Fanboy: WHA!!!
Chum Chum: WHA!!!
Fanboy: WHA!!!
Chum Chum: WHA!!!
Fanboy: WHA!!!
Chum Chum: WHA!!!
Fanboy: WHA!!!
Chum Chum: WHA!!!
Turtle: Whoa-ho!
Fanboy: THAT REALLY HURTS A LOOOOT-AH!!! Oh, just went numb. Whew, I'm good. Thanks, Kyle!
Kyle: Don't thank me yet, Fanboy! For once you see the horror that awaits you, you will rue the day, that you ever usurped my rightful place, as KING, OF THE CHALKBOARD!!!

[Kyle floats down to F&C and produces a thought bubble]
Kyle: [in a spooky tone of voice] Every time you reach for a toy, [in a menacing voice] it will be erased. [spooky voice] Every time you try to slurp a Frosty Freezy Freeze, [menacing voice] it will be erased. [spooky voice] And every time you reach for the remote, [menacing voice] it will be...ERASED.
Fanboy: [pants] You mean we'll be forced to watch commercials?!? NO! [Chum Chum faints next to him] THAT'S THE WORST THING POSSIBLE!
Kyle: Well, there is the small matter of toilet paper.
[The thought bubble shows Fanboy erasing the toilet paper]
Fanboy: AAAAHHHHH!!! [erases thought bubble and limps toward Kyle] KYLE, YOU GOTTA HELP ME!
Kyle: No, no, stay away, stay away!
Fanboy: KYLE, PLEEEEASE, PLEEEEEASE!!!!
Kyle: Stay away from me!
Fanboy: Hey, why am I having such a hard time holding onto you?

Kyle: [his antagonism replaced with shock] What? What is it? Why are you looking at me like that?
Fanboy: Eh-ha-ha-ha-ha.
[Zoom out to show Kyle bodyless, Fanboy erased his body]
Fanboy: Kyle...I have some bad news....you might wanna sit down. Actually, scratch that.
Kyle: Huh? Ah! [hits ground] Oof.
Fanboy: Here, let me help you up.
Kyle: Noooo! Now listen carefully...I need you to hand me my wand.
Fanboy: Huh? [reaches with eraser hand]
Kyle: No, no, no! On second thought, just have Chum Chum do it.
Fanboy: No, no! I got you into this mess, Kyle! And I'll get you out of it. [reaches with eraser hand]
Kyle: No, no, no, no! No, no, no, no, no, no. Use your left hand.
[Fanboy constantly reaches with the eraser hand]
Fanboy: Huh?
Kyle: Other left.
Fanboy: Huh?
Kyle: Other left.
Fanboy: Hmm?
Kyle: OTHER LEFT! THE HAND WITHOUT THE CURSED ERASER!
Fanboy: Ah!
Kyle: Noooo!
Fanboy: Stop yelling at meeee-a! When you yell, I get flustered! Uhhhh!
Kyle: Sorry! Heh heh. I'm not angry! It's just that we have one shot to get this right, heh. Only one chance for you to get my wand with your left hand and allow me to reverse this horrible curse!

[Summoning all his strength, Fanboy reaches for Kyle's wand without the eraser, resisting it. He grabs it at last]
Kyle: Oh, thank goodness. Now quickly, place it in my mouth. Ahhh...
Fanboy: Ooh, this wand is filthy, Kyle! Let me just give it a quick scrub. [scrubs wand with eraser, which erases it]
Kyle: NOOOO!!! AHHHHHHHHH!!! Okay, okay, okay. Not to worry! I happen to have a spare wand right over... [gasps]
Fanboy: [accidently erases Kyle's spare wand] Uh...this one was dirty, too?
Kyle: [sobs]
Chum Chum: Don't worry, Kyle! We'll fix you!
Kyle: Really?
Fanboy: Cross my heart. Now, let's just wipe away those tears...
Kyle: No, no, no, just fix me.

[Back at the school...]
Fanboy: Almost done...aaaaand...there! Good as new!
[Zoom out to show Kyle on the blackboard with a strange animal body drawn on him]
Kyle: What have you done to me?
Fanboy: Uh, just gave you back your body? With a few modifications.
Chum Chum: I forget, Kyle. Were you half-horse or half-robot horse?
Kyle: Neither! I demand you erase me and start over at once!
Fanboy: That's the best part, it's permanent marker! You can never be erased again!
Chum Chum: Now, hold still. [starts drawing] You don't want your elephant trunk to come out crooked.
Kyle: But I don't want an elephant -- [trumpets]

Previous:
"Hex Games"
Transcripts Next:
"Heroes vs. Villains"

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