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Return to "Slime Day".

[Scene opens with the title card song. Hank appears on a white background]

Hank: Hey, kids! It's me, Hank Mufflin. And today is...SLIME DAY! [giggles] Now, the rules for Slime Day are easy to follow. Just say the secret phrase, and you get SLIMED! [giggles] Uh, uh, does -- anyone -- know -- the secret phrase? I -- I -- 'cause I didn't -- [is handed a card] Oh, thanks, Meagan. The secret phrase for Slime Day is...
Hank/Children: I...DON'T...KNOW!
[Slime comes down and Hank laughs]
Hank: That's a good one! Now, remember, you can't tell anyone the secret phrase! Everyone has to figure it out for themselves. I LOVE SLIME DAY!
[He pulls down a zipper revealing the class]
(Song: Slime Day)
All: Slime Day! Slime Day!
Time for lots of eye spray!
Fanboy: It's what day?
Chum Chum: It's Slime Day!
Fanboy: It's Sli-ime Day?!
All: Hooray!

Lupe: It starts with an "S" and ends with a "Lime". [Fanboy arrives] Oh?!
Fanboy: Oh, man, we're gonna be swimmin' in so much slime today, our skin's gonna get all soft and wrinkly!
Chum Chum: So, try not to mistake us for really old aliens.
Hank: All right, class! Settle down! No one's getting slimed until you figure out the secret phrase!
Fanboy: Not to worry, Mr. Mufflin! Chum Chum and I have it all figured out! The secret phrase is...Primetime For Slime!
[No slime, there is a fart noise]
Fanboy and Chum Chum: Huh?
Fanboy: Okay, going again. Milk, Milk, Lemonade, Round the Corner, Slime is Made! Come on and give me your best drizzle-slizzle!
[No slime, there is a fart noise]
Fanboy: Hmm, that's funny. That should've worked.
Hank: Anybody else wanna guess the secret phrase? Uh, how 'bout you, Duke?

Duke: I Don't Know!
[Slime]
Duke: Aweso-o-ome!
Hank: Lupe?
Lupe: I Don't Know.
[Slime, Lupe giggles]
Hank: Chuggy?
Chris Chuggy: Wah-wah-wah!
[Slime]
Hank: Dollarnator?
Dollarnator: I Don't Know!
[Slime, Dollarnator laughs]
Hank: Scampers?
[Electronic slime]
Hank: Cheerleaders?
Cheerleaders: I Don't Know!
[Slime]
Hank: And...Fanboy and Chum Chum!
Fanboy and Chum Chum: We're Not Sure!
[No slime]
Fanboy: Mmm...how about Slime?
Chum Chum: Slimy, Please!
Fanboy: Pretty Please!
Chum Chum: Put Slime on That?
Fanboy: Magic Word!
Chum Chum: Open Slime-a-me! Hey, where's everybody goin'?
Fanboy: Chum Chum, I have a feeling the secret phrase is gonna be a lot harder to figure out than I thought.
Chum Chum: I couldn't agree with you more.

[On the playground]
Lupe: [opera like] I Don't Knoooow!
[Slime]
Chris Chuggy: Wah-wah-wah!
[Slime]
Yo: I Don't Know.
[Slime, Yo gets a slime beanie hat]
Yo: [spins propeller on hat and flies] Whoo!

Fanboy and Chum Chum: [gasp]
Fanboy: Alright, Chum Chum. We're gonna crack this secret phrase once and for all! Now, all we have to do is reenact exactly what happened in the beginning of class until we say the secret phrase.
Chum Chum: Ooh, good idea.
[They sing the song from earlier at warp speed]
Fabnboy: Okay, now, I'll be Mr. Mufflin, and you be me.
Chum Chum: Okay!

Fanboy: [as Hank(really bad impression)] I'm Mr. Mufflin. No one's getting slimed until you figure out the secret phrase. Blah-dee-blah-blah-blah.
Chum Chum: [as Fanboy] Did somebody say Fanboy?
Fanboy: Cut, cut, cut, cut, cuuuut! It's "Fanboy".
Chum Chum: Fanboy.
Fanboy: Fanboy.
Chum Chum: Fanboy.
Fanboy: Fanboy.
Chum Chum: Fanboy.
Fanboy: Perfect! Let's go again, quickly! And... [whispering] Action.
[They repeatedly say "I'm Fanboy" and "I'm Mr. Mufflin" for several seconds]
Fanboy: Cut, cut, cut! Ugh! This is ridiculous! Secret phrase -- "Say the secret phrase." I'm gonna get my fair share of the green, secret phrase or not!

[At a slime cannon...]
Hank: Slime in the hole!
Everyone: I Don't Know!
[They get blasted with slime]
Fanboy and Chum Chum: What They Said!
[No slime, they get blasted with chickens]
Fanboy and Chum Chum: Oh...

[At the slide...]
Lupe: I Don't Know.
[Slime, Lupe goes down the slide]
Lupe: Yay!
Nancy: I Don't Know!
[Slime, Nancy goes down the slide]
Cheech: I Don't Know!
[Slime]
[Fanboy and Chum Chum battle cry and swing down]
Duke: I Don't Know!
[Duke gets knocked out of the way before the slime comes down]
Fanboy: Come On, Sl-ime!
Fanboy and Chum Chum: YEEEEEEAAAAH!
[No slime, they just screech down the slide until only their heads remain]
Lupe: I don't think they're going to get eh-slimed on their own.
Yo: Guys, we're going to help you say the secret phrase.
Fanboy: Bless you, kind lady! Bless you!

[Back in the classroom...]
Hank: Okay, since we can't tell you the phrase, we're gonna play charades. Let's begin. Dollarnator?
Dollarnator: What's up?
Hank: First word. One syllable, one letter. What is this? [points to Dollarnator's eye]
Fanboy: Dollarnator!
Hank: No, this.
Chum Chum: Dollarnator!
[They give a thumbs-up]
Hank: No! What is this?! This?! This?!
Fanboy: Oh, ho-ho-ho-ho-ho. That's Dollarnator.
Hank: No, this right here! THIS, THIS, THIS, THIS, THIS, THIS, THIS, THIS, THIS, THIS! [repeatedly smacks Dollarnator's eye]
Dollarnator: Eye, eye.
Fanboy: Dollarnator?
Hank: This, THIS!
Dollarnator: Eye, eye! It's my eye! Say "Eye"!
Fanboy and Chum Chum: Eye! Eye! It's eye! [slap hands and laugh]
[All but Hank cheer]
Hank: God, who teaches these idiots? Okay, second word. What is this? [holds up a doughnut]
Fanboy and Chum Chum: A doughnut!
Hank: Good, good! Now, [slow-mo] Shorter.
Fanboy and Chum Chum: Duh? Duh? Duh...
Hank: [slow-mo] Longer.
Fanboy and Chum Chum: [slow-mo] Donut.
Fanboy: [slow-mo] Don't.
Hank: That's it!
Fanboy: Oh!
Chum Chum: Yay!
Fanboy: Don't! Don't! I Don't! I Don't!
Hank: Good, good, good! Alright, last word. Ready? [Fanboy and Chum Chum nod] What is...this? [points to his nose]
Fanboy and Chum Chum: Nose, nose.
Hank: Shorter!
Fanboy: No. No! No!
Everyone: Yeah!
Hank: Yes, ye-es! Now, put it all together, and what do ya have?
Fanboy and Chum Chum: Dollarnator...Doughnut Nose! Dollarnator Doughnut Nose! Dollarnator Doughnut Nose! DOLLARNATOR DOUGHNUT NOSE! DOLLARNATOR DOUGHNUT NOSE! DOLLARNATOR DOUGHNUT NOSE! DOLLARNATOR DOUGHNUT NOSE!
[No slime, the bell rings and everyone leaves]
Hank: Awwww!
Lupe: Aye-yi-yi.
Everyone: [groaning]

Chum Chum: Thanks for trying, guys!
Fanboy: [in a trash can] Psst, Chum Chum.
Chum Chum: Huh?
Fanboy: [pulls Chum Chum into the trash can] Don't you see what's going on here? It's them.
Chum Chum: Hmm?
Fanboy: They're in on it. It's a slime-spiracy! [stares menacingly] It's like a conspiracy, but with slime. [stares again] Think about it! It all started this morning. We were skipping to school just like we always do.
Chum Chum: Uh, no-no-no. I-I think we were jogging, and all the kids were there.
Fanboy: No, they weren't! We were late. That's why there were no witnesses when the aliens came.
Chum Chum: Ooh, right! And then they abducted me!
Fanboy: Mmm...no, I think they abducted me.
Chum Chum: No, it was me.
Fanboy: Uh, pretty sure it was me.
Chum Chum: Okay, then they abducted both of us.
Fanboy: And that's when slime aliens implanted us with mind-erasing inhibitor chips that would make it so we would never know the secret phrase for Slime Day.
Chum Chum: And then, they dropped us off at school and left!
Fanboy: And then, Lenny showed up in the Frosty Bus to pick us up and take us to Great Frosty Mountain.
Fanboy and Chum Chum: Yay!
Fanboy: Wait a minute! What am I saying?! That's impossible! Everyone knows the Frosty Bus only seats two!
Chum Chum: So, none of that happened?
Fanboy: Uh, 'fraid not. Aliens. That's crazy.
[They don't notice the inhibitor chips on the backs of their heads]
Fanboy and Chum Chum: Ohhhhh!

Fanboy: [sees some slime on the ground] Huh? Look, Chum Chum! Slime! [looks at it through a magnifying glass] Come on, secret phrase. Show yourself.
[The slime shapes itself to read "I DON'T KNOW"]
Fanboy: Oh! Even the slime doesn't know!
Chum Chum: What if we zoom in and enhance?
[Chum Chum uses a bigger magnifying glass to zoom closer on the slime. He sees the Nickelodeon logo]
Fanboy: "Copyright Ni-Ni-Ni-Ni-Ni-Ni-Ni-Ni-Nickelodeon"! That's it! If we can't get slime to come to us, we'll go to the place where slime was born!
Fanboy and Chum Chum: Hollywood, California!
Chum Chum: But Fanboy, how are we gonna get there?
Fanboy: Good question, Chum Chum. I don't... [starts to get slimed] We'll take the plane!

[They fly to Hollywood. At Nickelodeon Studios...]
Don Newhouse: Beautiful Slime Day. I.D.?
Fanboy: Nice to meet ya, D. I Fanboy.
Chum Chum: And I Chum Chum.
Don Newhouse: Watch your head!

[At the president's door...]
Fanboy: Nickelodeon President! I know how to get his attention.
[In the president's office...]
President: [laughing] I-I lo-ve it! I-I lo-ve it! But you can't do that on television!
Fanboy: [slams door open] Say hello to my little friend! Chum Chum.
Chum Chum: Hi.
Fanboy: I'm Fanboy.
President: [typing fast] Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Make it quick, boys! I'm super busy. Ha ha.
Fanboy: Mr. President, we've come a long way, and we're not leaving until we get slimed.
President: Mm, so you wanna get slimed. Not a problem! [Fanboy and Chum Chum giggle] All you gotta do is say: the secret phrase-ah.
[Chum Chum facepalms]
Fanboy: But we --
President: Don't know karate?
Chum Chum: No.
President: Don't know magic?
Fanboy: No!
President: Then, I give up.
Fanboy: We don't --
President: Don't know the secret phrase? Well, I can't tell ya. 'Cause then, I get slimed, and we can't have that. It would be unpresidential! [scats and dances in tutu]
Chum Chum: Oh, we really, really, really wanna get slimed!
President: Uh...okay, but I have to tell ya, the answer's been inside you this whole time.
Fanboy and Chum Chum: Really? It has?
President: Not you, boys, I was talking to my safe.
[Rimshot, the president turns the lock on the "safe" and rips it off, revealing a card. He gives it to Fanboy]
President: Here you go, boys! [Fanboy and chum Chum giggle] Psst. [with megaphone] It's secret. Don't read it till I'm gone. Now to disappear! Ha! [tosses smoke] You guys. You look great. [wears hat and holds umbrella] Code Green! Everybody, run!
[He leaves, people are heard screaming and running]

Fanboy: Now, let's see. I...okay, that's simple enough. I...Don't...uh-huh. All right. I Don't...
[They look up to see a slime bucket]
Fanboy and Chum Chum: KNOW!!!
[Biggest slime ever, they slam against the screen, slimed and all]
Fanboy: Totally worf it.

Nick-Nick-Nick-Nick Na-Nick Nick-Nick, Nickelodeon

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"Brain Freeze"
Transcripts Next:
"Boog Zapper"

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