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Secret Shopper/Transcript

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Return to "Secret Shopper".
Kyle complaining that Fanboy needs the sun s1e18a - cropped Except you need the sun for that, you idiot!!!

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[Scene opens up in the Frosty Mart, Boog is playing Chimp Chomp]
Boog Chimp on it, baby! Look out for the bananas. [laughs] Yeah. whoo-hoo! yeah.
Lenny: [sighs] Finally! This month's frosty mart newsletter. Aww. They didn't mention my birthday.

[the door alarm sounds, Fanboy and Chum Chum arrive]
Fanboy: I'm fanboy.
Chum Chum: I'm chum chum.
Fanboy: We just stepped--
Chum Chum: in gum gum!
Fanboy: Yup.
[close up on Fanboy's face as he turns himself from standing sideways to straight up. Zoom out to reveal the floor is shiny]
Fanboy: [gasps] Wet Floor Wednesday!
Chum Chum: Boop boop beep. [laughs] Wait for me!
[They sing Émile Waldteufel's Skater's Waltz as they skate all over the wet floor]

00:05:44 [both humming happily] - I just mopped. 00:05:52 [groan] Just read your newsletter. 00:05:55 " what? 00:06:00 Boog! listen to this! 00:06:02 "Two frosty mart employees were fired last week when a secret shopper caught them " [sighs] [squealing and gulping] [bleating and crunching] [squishing and squawking] - [gulping] - Don't you understand what this means? 00:06:22 Wait till the secret shopper sees these violations. 00:06:25 We'll get fired for sure! 00:06:27 - They can't fire you if you're not here. 00:06:30 [bell dings] - WORKS FOR ME! 00:06:32 [bell dings and door clicks shut] - [giggles] - Big finish! 00:06:39 - Whoo-hoo hoo hoo! 00:06:40 - Ta-dah! - ta-dah! 00:06:42 [both panting] - Hey. 00:06:48 Why are the lights out? 00:06:50 And why is it so quiet? 00:06:52 - [gasps] Lenny's not sleeping behind the counter. 00:06:55 Boog's not goofing off at the chimp chomp machine! 00:06:59 [gasps] Who's gonna peel the skin off the nacho cheese? 00:07:04 Who's gonna wipe the sweat off the hot dogs? 00:07:06 Who's gonna pick the flies out of the mayonnaise and put them in the chili? 00:07:10 This place is gonna fall apart! 00:07:15 - Not on my watch. 00:07:17 slap! 00:07:18 both: ♪♪ DAH DA DA DA DAH ♪♪ 00:07:20 ♪♪ Dah da da da dah ♪♪ 00:07:32 - there it is, the frosty mart counter. 00:07:36 Ooh! I got a chill! 00:07:38 - Ooh! 00:07:38 We're actually behind the frosty mart counter! 00:07:42 - Chum chum, this is serious business. 00:07:45 We are not here to get our jollies. 00:07:47 - But they're strawberry jollies. 00:07:49 - [whimpers] Okay, one jolly each. 00:07:52 [both lolling] Huh? 00:07:56 [motor sputtering and wheels screeching] - Oh, man-arctica, why couldn't I be a superhero like you, instead of a secret shopper? 00:08:10 I guess I'll have to be happy fighting crime in my own way-- the crime of poor employee performance. 00:08:20 [bell dings] I better be greeted in five, four, three, two-- both: GREETINGS, FROSTY MART CUSTOMER! 00:08:30 - [groans] thump! 00:08:34 - You, sir, are our very first customer. 00:08:37 And that makes you special. 00:08:38 - So we're gonna give you the special treatment. 00:08:41 - No, no! no special treatment. 00:08:43 Just serve me as you would any normal, random customer-- which is what I am. 00:08:49 - Normal treatment. 00:08:50 Got it! 00:08:51 - One triple deluxe normal, extra special. 00:08:54 - Anything to drink with that? 00:08:56 - I'm supposed to-- I mean-- I'd like to try your coffee. 00:09:01 Is it fresh? 00:09:02 - Quick, chum chum! 00:09:04 He wants it fresh! 00:09:05 - Coming up! 00:09:06 [humming upbeat tune] - [screaming and rustling] [screeching] clunk! 00:09:17 - [groaning] - No sir! allow us. 00:09:23 No customer of ours is going to lift a finger. 00:09:26 Unless it's to pick your nose, which we will also do. 00:09:28 - Fine. 00:09:29 Coffee with a little milk. 00:09:31 clap! clap! 00:09:32 - Coming right up! 00:09:35 - [screams] [gulping] [squirting] Wha--what are you doing? 00:09:43 - Just giving you the freshest milk available, sir. 00:09:48 - Just point me in the direction of the paper towels. 00:09:53 - Aisle two. 00:09:54 - [grunts] - [gasps] I just thought of something. - what? 00:09:59 - Those paper towels are on a shelf. 00:10:00 He's gonna have to reach out his arm. 00:10:02 - So? 00:10:03 - So this is a convenience store, and that is not convenient. 00:10:09 - You know, I got into this for the love of shutting things down, but this is starting to wear thin. 00:10:16 - Hurry, before he's inconvenienced! 00:10:19 - [grunting] - Huh? 00:10:22 Um, hello? 00:10:24 I'm in here! 00:10:25 Can anybody hear me? 00:10:26 Hello! 00:10:27 smash! 00:10:28 [smashing and grunting] - Oh, goodie! 00:10:34 You found everything you were looking for. 00:10:36 - Is there anything else we can help you with? 00:10:40 - [grunts] No, there most certainly is not! 00:10:48 .. 00:10:49 Would you be able to make me a frosty freezy freeze? 00:10:54 - I thought you'd never ask. 00:10:56 We are gonna make you the frostiest, freeziest frosty freezy freeze you've ever had. 00:11:03 thunk! [whistles] - Chum chum, to the machine! 00:11:07 - Oh, I know what they're trying to do. 00:11:11 They're trying to drive me crazy so I won't notice all the violations. 00:11:16 Well, it won't work! 00:11:18 Will it, man-arctica? 00:11:20 Someday you will be as great as me. 00:11:25 Thank you, man-arctica. 00:11:28 - He wants it cold, eh? 00:11:30 Let's crank down the temperature and cnk up the brain freeze. 00:11:39 - Brain freeze level four. 00:11:42 Level ten. 00:11:44 We have attained maximum freezeocity. 00:11:47 - Let's squeeze some freeze! 00:11:51 - [gasps] - Hmm. well, that's a new feature. 00:11:58 [zapping] humming dies] pop! [shattering] - Are you sure no one will find us here? 00:12:05 - I come here every day, and you never find me. 00:12:10 - What? 00:12:11 - Meet my sick grandmother. 00:12:13 [laughs] Hey, what's going on? 00:12:17 - Oh, n something's wrong at the frosty mart! 00:12:20 - The frosty mart? 00:12:21 That's where I get my burritos! 00:12:26 [zapping] [frosty gusting] ding! 00:12:33 - It better taste like three minutes and 48 seconds. 00:12:38 - Your freeze, sir. 00:12:40 - [slurps] [crunching] - [giggles] He likes it! 00:12:49 He can't stop smiling. 00:12:51 - Speechless, huh? 00:12:51 I know, too awesome for words. 00:12:55 Hello? 00:13:02 [loud resonating boom] [creaking] thud! 00:13:10 drip! 00:13:11 splash! 00:13:12 [crunching] - Fanboy, look! 00:13:18 - Uh-oh. not good. 00:13:20 Run, chum chum. 00:13:21 Run! 00:13:24 [crinues] - [slurping] [bleats] [alarmed bleating] [both yelping] Quick! the freezer. 00:13:38 It's slightly less freezing in there. 00:13:51 - Whoa. 00:13:52 Everything's covered in ice. 00:13:55 - Well, there's only one thing we can do. 00:13:58 [bell dings] - Wha-- what happened to the frosty ma-- [screams] - Oh. come on in, lenny. 00:14:06 Mind the ice. 00:14:07 - You ruined the frosty mart! 00:14:12 - Hey, look, it's the secret shopper. 00:14:15 - [screams] You froze the secret shopper! 00:14:19 - What's a secret shopper? 00:14:21 - I don't know. 00:14:23 - Wow. that is a good secret. 00:14:24 - He's the guy who's gonna shut us down! 00:14:28 - Not if he doesn't thaw out. 00:14:30 [whirring] - [screams] - Huh? - what? 00:14:37 [shattering] - Of all the frosty marts, this has to be the worst! 00:14:42 I will make sure this frosty mart is closed if it's the last thing I do! 00:14:53 - [muffled screams] ] both: YOU HAVE SUPER FREEZY BREATH. 00:14:59 Cool! 00:15:01 - Oh, my gosh! 00:15:02 I have a super power, just like my favorite super hero, man-arctica! 00:15:08 I can finally leave this dead-end job and fulfill my life-long dream of being a crime fighter. 00:15:19 - [muffled screams] - Have an "ice" day. 00:15:24 [laughs] Sweet! I already have a catchphrase. 00:15:28 Ha ha ha ha! 00:15:32 - [sis] ANOTHER SATISFIED CUSTOMER. 00:15:35 Man, I love this place. 00:15:37 - Me too. 00:15:37 But looks like our shift is over. 00:15:40 [both slurp] [bell dings] - COME ON, CHUM CHUM. 00:15:43 Let's take mitzi for a drag. 00:15:45 - Well, don't just stand there. 00:15:47 It's starting to thaw. 00:15:50 WHOA! thud! 00:15:51 - Loser-- whoa! 00:15:54 thud!

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