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Return to "Schoolhouse Lock".

[Scene starts up showing a view of Galaxy Hills Elementary School constantly inflating and deflating]
Hank: [off camera] Hooooolllld!
Kids: [off camera] Ummmmph!
[School inflates]
Hank: [off camera] Hooooolllld.
Kids: [off camera] Ohhhhhh!
[School inflates again]
[We now show the classroom. The school is inflating because of the crowded kids holding up. They are holding Fanboy to the ground]
Hank: [off camera] Hooooolllld!
Kids: [spring up briefly] Ahhhhhh!
Hank: Don't give him an inch! [points to the clock] We still got ten seconds before summer vacation!
Kids: [spring again] Yeow!
Fanboy: [struggling] Must! Get! Out of school!
Chum Chum: Please, sir! I beseech thee! Let him go! He went the whole year with average attendance, hasn't he suffered enough? He just wants to go to the carnival! [points to a carnival out the window, the kids notice it]
Kids: CARNIVAL?!? YAAAAAAAYYYYY!!! [leave]
Hank: Don't forget to turn in your textbooks! [Gets covered by falling textbooks]
[Outside, the door opens and the kids run out]
Kids: YAAAAAAAYYYYY!!!

[Back inside...]
Fanboy: [pause] FREEDOM!!!!!
[He and Chum Chum start to leave, but are stopped]
Hank: Hold it right there! No one leaves without turning in their textbook.
Fanboy and Chum Chum: Aww!

[Later...]
Chum Chum: Well, there's your desk.
Fanboy: Oh boy. [He and Chum Chum put on hard hats] Here we go. [Opens desk] You see anything?
Chum Chum: I see everything! Pencil stuffs, a sandwich crust, chewed erasers, a spit collection, ooh! There's that spelling test you got a D plus on.
Fanboy: I thought I put that on the fridge.
Chum Chum: You did! The fridge is on top of those rotten bananas.
Fanboy: Ahh. Alright, Chum Chum! One of us is gonna have to dive face first into that murky, festering, pile of garbage, while the other stays here in school.
Chum Chum: Buah, school? Not it! [jumps into the desk]
Fanboy: Huh? No fair, best 2 out of 3! [jumps into the desk]
[Time passes.]

[Several hours later at sunset...]
Fanboy: [Opens desk, textbook in hand] Got it!
[Bats fly out of the desk]
Fanboy: [Gasping, falls out of desk]
Chum Chum: [Gasping, falls out of desk]
Fanboy: Mr. Mufflin! I found the book! Mr. Mufflin?
Chum Chum: Uhh, Fanboy? Is school always this empty during the day?
[Show overview of empty room]
Fanboy: [gasp] Everybody's gone! Do you know what this means?

(Song: No Work And All Play)
Chum Chum: No teachers!
Fanboy: No homework!
Chum Chum: No clothing!
Fanboy: Too far!
Fanboy and Chum Chum: Yay!

We can chew bubblegum all day
It could be no work and all play
Run in the halls and talk, talk, talk
Powder our faces with chalk, chalk, chalk

Yiddie yodel, yiddie yodel, yippie yi yi yay
We're all alone in school, hooray!!

Chum Chum: Lookee here, I pass notes to you
Fanboy: And I make a hat with paste and glue
Fanboy and Chum Chum: Ride our bikes all through the school
No one to say "Hey that's not cool"

Yiddie yodel, yiddie yodel, yippie yi yi yay
We're all alone in school, hooray!

Fanboy: We're all alone there's no one in sight...
Chum Chum: It's night and someone's turned off the light!
Fanboy: I think I might be filled with...fright?
And the door is locked and bolted tight!

Fanboy and Chum Chum: We're all alone in school!!!

Fanboy: [pulls door] Locked! [pulls another door] Locked! [pulls a third door] Locked! Door, door, gotta find a door! [Draws door on blackboard and tries to open it, but to no avail] Oh, I drew it locked!
Chum Chum: [erases a key picture on another blackboard] And I just erased the key!
[Chum Chum moans. Suddenly, his shadow shoots upward and turns into Janitor Poopatine]
Russ: Trapped in school, eh?
Fanboy and Chum Chum: AHHHH!
Fanboy: Oh, Janitor Poopatine.
Chum Chum: [in slow motion] Poop.
Fanboy: Uhh! You have to help us, we're locked inside!
Russ: Oh, not to worry, let me just get my keys. [Shakes his sleeve and his keys roll out and head for a hole in the floor]
Russ, Fanboy and Chum Chum: Uh-oh!
[The keys continue to circle the hole as the three quiver. The keys stop]
Russ, Fanboy and Chum Chum: Phew. [the keys fall into the hole] Ahh!
Russ: Not to worry, I have a spare set. [Shakes sleeve, but those keys fall into the hole too] And...there they go.
Chum Chum: There's gotta be some other way to get out of here!
Russ: Hmm, perhaps there is.

[In the boys' restroom...]
Russ: A simple flush ought to take you boys to the septic tanker right outside the building.
Fanboy: Thank you so much, Janitor Poopatine!
Chum Chum: We'll never forget you!
Russ: [Flushes toilet] Bon Voyage! Have a nice trip!
Fanboy: So long!
Chum Chum: See you next fall!
Russ: Uh, don't drink the water!

[Montage!]
Fanboy and Chum Chum: [cheering]
Fanboy: Vacation, here we come!
Chum Chum [laughing] So long!
Fanboy: Carnival!
Chum Chum: Here we go!
Fanboy: Oh, vacation, yeah!
Chum Chum: I love it!
Fanboy: Yeah!
[End of montage]

[Back at school...]
Russ: Nice boys, I hope they -- [turns and notices that F&C are in the sink] Oh, wha - ?
Fanboy: Believe me, we are just as confused as we are.
Chum Chum: Now, we're never gonna have a summer vacation!
Russ: Doh, vacation? Is that all you want? Well, why didn't you say so?

[In Russ's office...]
Russ: You have to promise not to tell anyone about my private getaway. I think you'll find my tropical island as fully vacational! Hmm hmm hmm, let me just turn up the sun...
[He turns on the lights, but all there is are plastic clouds and a set of mops in a sandbox]
Russ: Hope you brought lots of sunscreen!
Fanboy and Chum Chum: [dejected] Aww.
Chum Chum: Umm, isn't that the sand you put down when the kids throw up?
Russ: Don't be silly. [takes out a sandball] This sand has buried treasure! [the sand wears off revealing some sort of retainer] Oh, this must be an old pirate's retainer!
Chum Chum: [whispers] If he offers us clams, don't eat them.
Russ: Okay, now gather round the fire! I found my ukulele! [Strums a broom] Ne, Aloha Oe, Aloha Oe! [Continues singing, then exits]
Chum Chum: We're! Never! Gonna! Get! Out of! Here!
[He and Fanboy faint to the ground]

[Some time later, the boys wake up on the sandbox. They have strange beards on their faces]
Chum Chum: [gasps for breath] Fanboy...how...long...have we been here?
Fanboy: Ah! [Looks at watch] Four whole minutes.
Chum Chum: And...how long have we...had these beards? [Tugs at beard]
Fanboy: [Looks at fake watch] Three whole minutes.
Chum Chum: I...can't...take...it! We're gonna miss...a whole summer vacation! [starts crying]
Fanboy: Hey, Flappy! I think Chum Chum's starting to lose it!
Head flap: Eh. Next thing you know, you'll be talking to imaginary friends.
Fanboy: Ha ha, you're telling me. Good one, flaps. [hears carnival music, Chum Chum stops crying] Chum Chum, do you hear that?
[They look up and see a red balloon. It floats away]
Fanboy and Chum Chum: A balloon! [They chase it into a cave]
Russ: [comes in carring various toilet papers] I've found some fresh coconuts! They're already cracked and shelled. Just stick in your straw! [Notices them going into the cave] Wait! Where are you going? That's the Cave of Madness! Oh, wait. The Cave of Madness? That's over there. [Points to another cave with ghosts flying out of it] That's the Cave of Carnival-Related Delusions. Oh, I'm sure they will be all right. [Drinks from a toilet paper and leaves]

[Meanwhile, in the cave, F&C follow the balloon to what they believe is a carnival]
Fanboy: [gasp] The carnival! It came to us!
Chum Chum: Look how beautiful it is. [points to a wad of cobwebs] Look! Cotton Candy!
[They are taken into a carnival fantasy as they imagine the cobwebs as cotton candy. Lenny appears, with pink hair]
Fanboy: Hey! It's Lenny! [Lenny gives them each a cone] Thanks, Lenny!
[They each make out their snacks and eat it, not knowing they're actually eating cobwebs]
Chum Chum: [Eats his cobweb and laughs. Bugs come out of his mouth]
Fanboy: [Eats his cobweb] Delicious! [Laughs. Bugs come out of his mouth] Look! A fun house!
Fanboy and Chum Chum: Yay!
[They head for what they believe is a funhouse]
[Soon, F&C are being stretched on the mechanisms, but they're actually giant scorpions. They are then flinged away]
[On what F&C believe is a rollercoaster, they fall down a hill which is actually a lavafall. They hit the lava]
[At what F&C believe is a dunk tank. Fanboy is the dummy, while Chum Chum is the player. He throws a rock which hits the "target" and the rock holding Fanboy breaks, making him fall into the hole below him]
Fanboy: Yeah!
Chum Chum: Do I get a prize?

[Later...]
Chum Chum: Come on, Mr. Fluffykins, it's time to go into the Tunnel of Love.
Fanboy and Chum Chum: Mmmm!
[They enter the tunnel. Smooches are heard. Then, F&C come out. They have kiss marks on their heads as they laugh, then realize what happened]
Fanboy: Wait a second. You're not my pillow.
Chum Chum: And you're not my favorite bath toy, Captain Squeakybottom.
Fanboy: Uhh, Chum Chum, I'm beginning to think that this isn't really a carnival.
Chum Chum: Oh, come on! If this isn't a carnival, then how did I win this stuffed... [Pulls up a real female bear]
Fanboy and Chum Chum: BEAR!!! AHHHHHH!!! [Run through cave]
Fanboy: It's hopeless, Chum Chum. I'm afraid there's just no light at the end of this tunnel.
Chum Chum: Yeah, there's only that one! [points to a light] On the ceiling!
Fanboy: What? [Sees the light] A door to outside! Come on! Chum Chum, if my pillow were the jealous type, I'd kiss you.
[They jump up and reach the light]

[Fanboy and Chum Chum come out of a desk and realize they're at the beach]
Fanboy: We made it, Chum Chum! Oh, I've never been so excited for Summer in my whole life!
Hank: [off camera] Well, I hope you're as excited for Summer School. [Scene zooms out to reveal F&C are back in the classroom, in front of a beach backdrop reading "Welcome to Summer School"]
Fanboy and Chum Chum: Summer School?!? Awwww!
Hank: That's where you go when you fail every -- [Stops to hear F&C drop back into the desk] Hey, where'd they go?

[Back in the cave, Fanboy and Chum Chum are once again, being stretched by scorpions]
Fanboy: Well, it may not be pleasant, but it'd sure beat Summer School!
[A bear growls off-camera]
Chum Chum: Relax! You'll get your turn.

Previous:
"Crib Notes"
Transcripts Next:
"Back From The Future"

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