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Rattleskunkupine!/Transcript

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Return to "Rattleskunkupine!".

[Scene opens up showing an odd beehive-like object in a tree. Chum Chum inspects it]
Fanboy: What do you think, Chum Chum?
Chum Chum: Hmm...definitely a pinata. I can hear the candy buzzing inside.
Fanboy: Just as I suspected, nature's first naturally occurring pinata!
Chum Chum: How can you tell?
Fanboy: It's right to nature's first naturally occurring stick! [takes a branch off the tree trunk and gives it to Chum Chum]
Chum Chum: That's all the facts I need.
[They try to hit the "pinata" but it keeps ducking upwards into the tree]
Fanboy: What is going on with this thing? [stands up] Chum Chum, gimmie eight fingers.
[Chum Chum lifts Fanboy up into the tree]
Fanboy: [singsong] Pinata? I know you're in there! I can see your glowing, red eyes! [normal] Huh.

[The "pinata" jumps onto Fanboy's head, revealed to be a rattleskunkupine, and attacks him]
Fanboy: AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH! Ah! Get it off, get it off!
[Chum Chum tries to get it off, but he stabs his hands in its quills]
Chum Chum: AAAAHHHHH! Ah, ooh, ahh! Get it off, get it off!
[Fanboy grabs its tail and pulls, but its stink sprays into his mouth]
Fanboy: Puh, pah, uhh, my mouth was open! [Chum Chum clings to him] Look at it. It's like...part rattlesnake, part porcupine, and... [the rattleskunkupine makes a stinky fist] Eww. [the fist punches them into the ground] All skunk! What do you call something like that?
[the rattleskunkupine drags its butt on the ground like a dog]
Chum Chum: How 'bout...Scooter?
Fanboy and Chum Chum: Aww!
Fanboy: The perfect name for the perfect pet.

(Song: Scooter)

Fanboy and Chum Chum: (singing offscreen) Scooter, he looks really funny
Scooter, but he's my buddy
Scooter, he's better than a puppy
He's a snake and a skunk and a porcupine

Scooter
Fanboy: His laugh is contagious
Fanboy and Chum Chum: Scooter
Fanboy: And his spikes are outrageous
Fanboy and Chum Chum: Scooter
Fanboy: He's a super cool dude
He's a prickly pet with a heart of gold

Chum Chum: You may not think he's cute and cuddly
But, he's my friend and we think he's lovely...

Fanboy and Chum Chum: Scooter
Fanboy: He looks really funny!
Fanboy and Chum Chum: Scooter
Fanboy: But he's my buddy!
Fanboy and Chum Chum: Scooter
Fanboy: He's better than a puppy!
Fanboy and Chum Chum: He's a snake and a skunk and a porcupine

Scooter, he's my buddy!
Scooter, he's a little bit ugly!
Scooter, ouch, that hurts!

[That night at the Fanlair...]
Chum Chum: Ooh! I wonder whose bed he wants to sleep in.
[Scooter jumps onto Chum Chum]
Fanboy: Oh, lucky?
Chum Chum: Ooh, you can -- ay -- have him -- too -- tomorrow -- ow.
[Fanboy turns off the light]
Fanboy and Chum Chum: Good night, Scooter!
[While they snore, Scooter giggles and exits through the Fanlair's doggy door]

[The next morning...]
Fanboy [turns off alarm and sighs]
Chum Chum: [snores, sighs] Morning, Scooter! [shaves quills off face]
Fanboy: What do you say boy? Should we go get kicked out of a dog park? Hmm?
[Scooter giggles excitedly]
Chum Chum: Ooh! He likes it, he likes it!
[Fanboy kisses Scooter, but his lips swell up due to the quills]

[Later, Fanboy and Chum Chum are pushing Scooter in a pram]
Cheech: PANIC!
[They stop walking]
Fanboy: Hmm.
[They start walking again]
Lunch Lady Cram: DESTRUCTION!
[They stop walking again]
Fanboy: Hmm.
[They start walking again, only to see the street in front of them on fire]
Lupe: PANIC!
Dollarnator: AND DESTRUCTION!
Fanboy: Hmm. I don't remember the forecast calling for panic and destruction.
[Retchy puts a newspaper in Fanboy's face]
Retchy: Extree, extree! Spiky monster destroys town ore' the night! Forecast calls for panic and destruction! [leaves]
Chum Chum: Spiky monster?! Iiiit could eat our little Scooter!
Fanboy: Don't worry, Scooter. Daddy and daddy will never let anything happen to you. Let's take him to Oz's!

[At Oz Comix...]
Fanboy and Chum Chum: Oz! Oz! There's a horrible monster on the -- [a cage traps them] oh!
Oz: Aha! I got you, monster! [pause] Aw, it's just you guys.
Fanboy: Whoa! Are you trying to capture that thing that destroyed the town?
Oz: That I am. [presses remote, raises cage]
Chum Chum: What kind of monster is this? Have you seen it?
Oz: Oh yes, I've seen it. And it will haunt me until the end of my days. It's a hideous thing, armed with the razor sharp quills of a porcupine.
Fanboy: Oh, sounds horrible. [Scooter coughs and cries] Shh. Shh. Ow!
Oz: And it bites with the venomous fangs of a rattlesnake.
Fanboy: Oh, simply awful. [Scooter bites him] Uh-uh-uh! Not now, Daddy's listening.
Oz: And it befouled the air with super stinky stench of a seriously, smelly skunk.
Chum Chum: Oh, disgusting! [Scooter farts, both smell] I think Scooter needs changing. [at Oz] So, what's this monster called anyway?
Oz: The Wampanoco peoples of the Poconos have a name for it. [clears throat, yells] But that doesn't even capture the true terror of the beast! And it hurts the throat. That's why I call it... [pulls down a picture of him battling a rattleskunkupine] Rattleskunkupine!
Fanboy: Ugh! It's hideous! The only appealing thing about it is the way it scoots along. [at Scooter] Just like you, little -- [both stare at him] Uh-oh. [closes pram's shade all the way]
Oz: Yes. Rattleskunkupine. Long have you alluded me! Cut to flashback. [points at screen]

[scene dissolves to Oz's flashback]
Oz: [voiceover] I first tracked the creature in the African desert. I was hot on his trail, but I got sloppy. And when I wasn't looking...
[the rattleskunkupine yells and charges at Oz]
Oz: [voiceover] IT TOOK MY LEG!...MY CHICKEN LEG!
[yee-haw!]
Oz: NOOOOOOOOOO!

Oz: [voiceover] Years later, I got a tip that it was spotted in the Amazon jungle. I set a trap and waited for weeks, surviving on nothing but meat, vegetables, grain and dairy products. But the creature was cunning, and when I wasn't prepared, it snuck up behind me...AND IT TOOK MY EAR!...MY EAR OF CORN!
Oz: Ah! Uh, uh...
[yee-haw!]
Oz: NOOOOOOO!

Oz: [voiceover] The last time I cross-passed with the beast was in the arctic tundra. There, we fought for hours until the snow was stain red.
Oz: Ow! Uh! Ah!
Oz: [voiceover] And at last, after it broke my ribs...MY BARBECUE RIBS!
[yee-haw!]
Oz: [voiceover] It vanished.
Oz: NOOOOOO! [chews ribs]
[end of flashback]

Oz: And when I finally track it down, I will take from it all that was taken from me. So, what's in the carriage?
Fanboy: [he and Chum Chum gulp] Oh, um...just our...groceries?
Fanboy and Chum Chum: [nervous giggle]
Oz: Sweet! All those flashbacks made me starving. Let's have a look. [reaches inside pram and hand gets pricked, he grunts] Ow! Ooh! Eh! Ow, something pricked my finger! [sucks on finger] Wait a minute!
Fanboy and Chum Chum: [wimpering]
Oz: The rattleskunkupine!...took all your groceries! NOOOOOOOOOO...
Chum Chum: Where's Scooter?
Fanboy: I don't know. We have to find him!
Oz: [continues saying "no"] Whew, that was a long one.
Fanboy: Well, Oz, we should be going, don't wanna keep you from your all-consuming obsession. [starts to push pram out, but bumps into Oz]
Oz: Wait right there! You two aren't going anywhere. 'Cause you're gonna help me finally capture the rattleskunkupine!
Fanboy and Chum Chum: [nervous giggle]

[In town...]
Fanboy: [whispering] Here, Scooter.
Chum Chum: Scooter, where are you?
[hissing is heard]
Fanboy: [gasp] You hear that, Chum Chum?
Chum Chum: It sounds like Scooter.
Oz: [turns around] Guys, serously, stop hissing. I'm trying to listen for the distinctive call of the rattleskunkupine. [hears hissing behind him] you hear that? [Scooter is on his back] I know that rattle anywhere. Oh, he's close! In fact, I think he's RIGHT BEHIND ME! [turns around]
Chum Chum: Es only mi-o, I want to take you down to Rio 
Oz: Chum Chum, that -- that's genus! Using maracas -- it would take the sound of the female, and he loves fruit! That oughta draw him hot for sure! [as he says this, Fanboy takes Scooter off his back] Actually, that gives me an idea.
[Fanboy hides Scooter in his underwear]
Oz: I'll just use this custom whistle that only rattleskunkupines can hear. [at Fanboy] It's specifically designed to drive them crazy.
[Fanboy and Chum Chum wimper and sweat. Oz blows the whistle, causing Scooter to go crazy in Fanboy's underwear]
Fanboy: AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Oz: Jeez, Fanboy, if you're gonna randomly scream like that, I'm just gonna have to blow harder. [blows whistle, causing Scooter to jump like mad] Nothing yet. Let me try this one. [pulls out another whistle] It makes him run in circles. [blows whistle, Scooter runs in circles. Takes out bigger whistle] This one makes him fire his quills in every direction!
Fanboy: No no, don't do that!
Oz: You're right. How am I supposed to identify about him without his trademark quills? These whistles are useless! [tosses whistle away, Fanboy and Chum Chum sigh in relief, then takes out the biggest whistle] But this one isn't! It makes him climb to the highest point, so he's visible.

[Oz blows the whistle, making Scooter pop out of Fanboy's head flap]
Chum Chum: Scooter!
Oz: [gasp] You know this rattleskunkupine?
Chum Chum: He's our rattleskunkupine, and we love him, and there's nothing you can do to take him away from us!
[Oz takes Scooter]
Fanboy: Oh, except for that. Did not see that one coming.
Oz: At last, rattleskunkupine! I've got you in my clutches, and I'm gonna make you pay me back for everything you've taken from me! [snickers while holding up Scooter's tail]
Fanboy: Oh, I can't watch!

[Oz squeezes Scooter's tail, making honey spill out of his tail]
Oz: [giggles] At last! I'm finally reunited with my precious food! [throws Scooter back to Fanboy]
Fanboy and Chum Chum: Huh?
Oz: Mmm! [tastes honey] And it's been marinating in a kettle of honey! Oh-ho, how I've waited for this moment. [munches honey coated chicken leg]
Fanboy: So, all this time, you just wanted your food back?
Oz: Oh, you think I wanted the actual animal? That thing's terrifying.
[show hideous close up of Scooter as he giggles]
Oz: Get it away! [continues eating]

[Fanboy and Chum Chum hug Scooter]
Chum Chum: Oh, Scooter! I'm so happy we get to keep you forever!
Fanboy: I don't know what could possibly make you a better pet!
[Scooter fires atomic power lasers at the school, blowing it up]
Fanboy and Chum Chum: Atomic power lasers?!? AWESOME! BEST PET EVER!
(Song: Scooter)
Fanboy and Chum Chum: Scooter, he looks really funny
Scooter, but he's my buddy
Oz: Hey, can you bring him by tomorrow? I've got a ham that needs a honey glaze!

Previous:
"Robo-mance"
Transcripts Next:
"Bubble Trouble"

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