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Return to "Put That Cookie Down!".

[Episode opens inside an oven with cookies being baked]
Lenny: [sniff, sniff] Mmm-mmm! These cookies do smell good, but are you sure they'll get me a raise?
Dollarnator: The dynamo cookie is the most effective suck-up cookie in the galaxy.
Lenny: I hope so, because then I can finally afford to live out my dream: Professional Swimsuit Model.
[He imagines himself wearing various swimsuits]
Lenny: [sigh] I can already feel the sand getting into my belly button. [at Dollarnator] Now, Dollarnator, let's go over the plans for Agent Johnson's birthday party, one more time. What is your prime directive?
Dollarnator: My directives are as follows: To personally deliver these cookies into the hands of Agent Johnson, DJ his party, and to raise the roof with my fat jams. [salutes]
Lenny: Just make sure you keep these cookies away from the boys who shall not be named.
[door alarm sounds]
Fanboy and Chum Chum: [offscreen] Fanboy and Chum Chum!
[Cut to Fanboy and Chum Chum at the door]
Fanboy: Ah, don't you just love saying our names when we enter a room?
[Back to Lenny and Dollarnator]
Lenny: Ohhhhhhhh! I have to go get supplies for the party. You just keep the eh-eh away from the eh-eh. [leaves]

Dollarnator: I will watch them with every fiber of my optics.
Chum Chum: Watch what, Dollarnator?
Dollarnator: [gasp] Uh, n-n-n-noogies -- uh -- eh -- cookies -- um, uh, nothing!
Fanboy and Chum Chum: [sniff]
Fanboy: What is that delightful aroma? Dollarnator, what's in your oven?
Dollarnator: Uh, certainly not adelicious batch of dynamo cookies! [inhales]
Fanboy: Dollarnator? What was that smell? [nose squeaks]
Dollarnator: Mm-mm-mm!
Fanboy: [nose squeaks] Dollarnator!
Dollarnator: Mm-mm-mm! [turns back on F&C]
Fanboy and Chum Chum: Dollarnator! [Dollarnator turns around] Grr!
Fanboy and Chum Chum: DOLLARNATOR!
Dollarnator: Mm-mm-mm! [turns back on F&C]
Chum Chum: And...this is boring.

[Chum Chum puts his fingers in Dollarnator's plug slot, in three seconds, he spits the cookies out]
Dollarnator: [gasping for breath]
Fanboy and Chum Chum: Cookies!
Fanboy: [gasp] Look at all that chocolate.
Dollarnator: Not chocolate. Chocolatonium: a radioactive chocolate isotope that will retain its gooeyness for nine million years.
[F&C's mouths water]
Fanboy: We-e-ell, nine seconds is all I need! [sets a table] Chum Chum, milk me!
Chum Chum: Milking! [milks Fanboy's hand like a cow's udder]
Dollarnator: Hold on, wait, wh-wh-what are you doing?!
Fanboy: Duh! Setting up for cookies! Plate, plate, doily, doily.
Chum Chum: Smaller plate, smaller doily.
Fanboy and Chum Chum: Napkins in, ready tongue, hop on table, three, two, one! [grab cookies]
Dollarnator: No, wait! But -- I...c[stuttering]
[They start to eat the cookies, then...]
Dollarnator: Urrrrrrrgh! PUT THAT COOKIE DOWN!

[Dollarnator takes the cookies and puts them in a cookie jar]
Chum Chum: What'd you do that for?!?
Dollarnator: These cookies are for Agent Johnson's party. And I am under strict orders from Lenny to keep them from you!
Fanboy: Wha -- buh -- duh -- you -- [inhales] Dollarnator, I thought we were friends.
Chum Chum: Yeah, and friends share cookies with other friends.
Dollarnator: And real friends should understand that when other friends are under strict cookie-protection protocols, they shouldn't ask.
Fanboy: Well, real super friends shouldn't have to ask.
Dollarnator: Well, real super best friends shouldn't put me in such a position!
Chum Chum: [takes the jar] Because real super besty best friends would assume that they would share!
Dollarnator: GRR! PUT THAT COOKIE DOWN! NO COOKIES FOR YOU!
Fanboy and Chum Chum: [gasp, growl]
Fanboy: Dollarnator, that is it! I am taking back your share of our real super besty best friends pendant.
Dollarnator: Fine, it just says "uper est" anyway! [gives him the pendant]
Fanboy: Fine! We're leaving!
Dollarnator: I'm already not missing you! [sadly] Sigh.

Fanboy and Chum Chum: [giggling]
Dollarnator: Huh?
[Chum Chum takes a cookie out of the jar]
Fanboy: Chum Chum, freezer! Now!
Dollarnator: Halt! Stop! Thieves! Put that cookie down! Now! [tries to open the freezer]
Fanboy: Quick, Chum Chum, milk!
Chum Chum: I can't open the carton!
[Dollarnator starts to laser a hole into the freezer]
Fanboy: Pinch and pull, pinch and pull!
Chum Chum: I'm trying! [opens carton revealing frozen milk] We've been in here too long! It's frozen solid!
[Dollarnator plungers the hole, F&C scream]
Fanboy: Abort "Mission: Milk"! Priority, cookie!
[They start to eat, but Dollarnator takes the cookie back]
Fanboy: AAAAHHHHH!!
Chum Chum: That was wrong, man!
Dollarnator: Correction -- you are what is wrong, man! You said that we are best buds. But all you care about is your taste buds.
Fanboy: You're right, Dollarnator, we're sorry. What say we share a cookie and forget about the whole thing?
Dollarnator: Uh, okay, good, let me just -- HEY, WAIT A MINUTE! You are NOT going to get Agent Johnson's birthday cookies! [throws them out] And the next time I see you, it's blast first and ask questions later!
Fanboy: We-ell, if he didn't want us to eat the cookies, he could've just said so.
Chum Chum: Mm-hmm.

[back inside...]
Dollarnator: Hut-hut-hut-hut-hut! Hut-hut-hut-hut-hut! Hut-hut-hut-hut! [at cardboard Fanboy] What's that? You looking at my cookies? Yeah, 'cause I don't see any other jars around. Put that cookie down! [blasts, at cardboard Chum Chum] Put that cookie down! [blasts]
[Door alarm sounds]
Benjamin: Excuse me --
Dollarnator: Put that cookie down! [blasts]
Benjamin: Okay, I'll check back later!

[F&C walk in carrying a record player and rack of children's music records]
Dollarnator: You!
Fanboy and Chum Chum: Huh?
Dollarnator: Halt!
Fanboy: Hey, chillax, Dollarnator.
Chum Chum: Yeah, man! Don't be such a paranoid android! We're just here to set up for Agent Johnson's birthday party!
Dollarnator: You mean, you're not here to take my cookies?
Fanboy: Nooooo.
Chum Chum: Cookies?
Fanboy: We would never.
Chum Chum: Where's that coming from?
[Halos appear over their heads]
Fanboy: We felt so bad about the whole cookie thing, that we decided to come help you DJ.
Dollarnator: You would really do that for me?
Fanboy: Sure, Chum Chum brought some of his very best jams.
Chum Chum: Yeah, I've been digging in my crates, and I got some wiggity wiggity wax. Here's "Old MacDonald", "Twinkle Twinkle", "Pop Goes The Weasel"...
Fanboy: Disco ball! Lights! Party crew! Jams!
[As he says this, he pushes a remote, and a disco ball drops followed by two sets of lights. Duke, Lupe, Kyle, Chuggy and Yo bounce up from hidden trapdoors into the Frosty Mart. Chum Chum turns on the record player and plays "Pop Goes The Weasel"]
Chum Chum: Now, it's a party.
Dollarnator: [mumbles indistinct]
[Everyone is dancing slowly and tiredly]
Dollarnator: You call this a party?!? Those tracks are whack!
Fanboy: 'Course it's a party. I'm waving my hands in the air like I just don't care. Because I really don't.
Dollarnator: Agh, analysis of roof: not raised. All jams are currently unpumped. Need to get this party started right. Entering DJ Dolla' Mode... [stuttering]
[The music stops and Dollarnator sets up his DJ stand and puts in the right records]
Dollarnator: DJ Dolla' in the house! Prime directive -- Put that boogie down!
Everyone: [cheering]

[Lights begin to flash as more party guests arrive and techno music plays. Everybody dances to the beat; Fanboy and Chum Chum dance over to the DJ stand]

Fanboy: So, Dollarnator! We're really diggin' that bass!
Dollarnator: What?
Chum Chum: We're lovin' these tracks, man! And we're gonna take your cookies!
Dollarnator: What?
Fanboy: We're taking your cookies, and there's nothing you can do about it!
[The music stops and Dollarnator takes back the jar]
Dollarnator: Put that cookie down!
[Pause, everyone grumbles]
Dollarnator: [sarcastic laugh] My bad. Party on!
[The music turns back on]
Fanboy: Oh, Dollarnator, who would have thought you couldn't take your hands off the turntables?
Chum Chum: Ohhhhh, that's right, we did! [opens the jar and tosses a cookie into Fanboy's mouth]
Fanboy: Ahm, yum-my! But we can't have just one!
Dollarnator: B-b-huh-b-b-wha! Wha - wh-wh-whoa-whoa. What - wh- wh - what are you doing?
[F&C begin tossing cookies into each other's mouths]
Dollarnator: B -- wh -- I...
[F&C begin to take the jar with them. The music stops]
Dollarnator: Grr! Put that cookie down!
Speakers: Put that cookie down! (x3)
Fanboy and Chum Chum: Remix!

(Song: Put That Cookie Down)

Dollarnator: Put that -- put that cookie
Put that -- put that cookie
P-p-put that -- put that cookie
Put that cookie down!

Put that -- put that cookie
Put-put-put-put-put that cookie
Put that -- put that cookie --
Put that cookie down! (Down!)

Put that put that cookie
Put that cookie cookie cookie
Put that put that cookie
Put that cookie dow-dow-down!

Put that put that cookie
Puuut thaaat coookiiieee
Put that -- put that cookie
Put that cookie down!

Fanboy: What is that delicious --
Dollarnator: What are you doing?
Put that cookie down!
You're not-not-not g-getting any of these
Cookie cookie cookie cookie

Fanboy: Chocolate!
Dollarnator: Dow-dow-dow-down
Chum Chum: Sprinkles!
Dollarnator: N-n-n-now
Fanboy: Chocolate!
Dollarnator: Dow-dow-dow-down
Chum Chum: Sprinkles!
Dollarnator: You call this a party-y-y-y-y-y?

Cookie p-p-p-p-put it down
E-e-e-e-e-e
Cookie coookiiieee down
Cookie...cookie...cookie
Put it down!

[F&C have finished eating the cookies as the song ends and the guests cheer. Lenny and Agent Johnson walk in]
Agent Johnson: This party is amazing! And is that my -- [sniff, sniff] favorite smell? Lenny, tell me you didn't bake me --
Lenny: Oh, yes, I did! A dozen dynamo... [looks in the jar and sees nothing, as the music stops] Crumbs? [nervous laugh] Dollarnator! Where are the dynamo cookies?
Dollarnator: I'm so sorry, Lenny. I did my best, but I was bamboozled. And now, all that's left is a few crumbs in the bottom of the jar.
Agent Johnson: Few crumbs? But that's all I can eat. You can't eat more than one dynamo chip without terrible side-effects.
Fanboy: What are you talkin' about? We ate a bunch and we're fine.
Agent Johnson: How many did you eat?
Chum Chum: How many is uh... [mumbles] All of them?
Agent Johnson: Hmm, I see. [puts on shades] EVERYBODY OUT OF HERE!
[The guests scream as they run out]
Fanboy: Huh? [stomach grumbles, burps, smacks lips] I taste nitro.
Chum Chum: [stomach grumbles, burps] I taste glycerin.
Fanboy: Dunno, why don't we get a frost --

[The world blows up and we see Lenny and Agent Johnson holding onto a root of a single platform F&C are on]
Lenny: There goes my raise.
Fanboy: Hey, Chum Chum, did you ever notice that the moon looks like a big cookie? [tries to reach]
Dollarnator: Put that cookie down! Now!

Previous:
"Funny Face"
Transcripts Next:
"Two Tickets To Paladise"

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