| Except you need the sun for that, you idiot!!!
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[Scene opens up at school]
Hank: So columbus took the nina-- [pounding sound] GEE-- And the pinta-- [pounding] AND THE-- [pounding] Sweet santa maria, what's going on?
00:10:48 [pig grunting and squealing] thwack! 00:10:52 Why did I let that door-to-door pig salesman talk me into buying a potbellied pig? 00:10:58 - Come here, precious. 00:11:00 - We've got old tomatoes. 00:11:02 - And spoiled milk. 00:11:04 [pig snorts] - Attention, class. 00:11:07 One of you lucky students will get to take home our beloved class pet pig, precious. 00:11:17 [farting noise] UGH. 00:11:18 Any takers? 00:11:20 both: OOH, OOH. 00:11:20 Mr. mufflin. mr. mufflin. 00:11:22 - Sold to the two weird kids in back. 00:11:25 both: YAY! 00:11:26 [pig snorting] - Okay, it's rolling. 00:11:31 Bring him in. 00:11:32 - [grunting] - Okay, this is precious' first day in his new-- [pig squeals] [punching and shouting] Is it broken? I don't think it--whoa. 00:11:43 Okay, we're gonna try that again with nobody making any sudden moves. 00:11:50 Okay, precious, come on in. 00:11:53 Welcome to your new home. 00:11:56 - Ha-ha, he likes it. 00:11:58 He likes it.
Fanboy: Here, chum cum, take the camera. Up here, chum chum. So let me show you around your room. Sorry it's so clean. You have your very own crib. And look, it's got its own little mobile. And over here we have-- whoa!
00:12:17 - Ooh-ooh. 00:12:17 I think precious made boom boom. 00:12:21 [pig snorting] Ooh, somebody was hungry. 00:12:27 [pig belches loudly] - Oh, good, is he fed? 00:12:30 We don't want him to train on an empty stomach.
Chum Chum: Train? for what?
Fanboy: Tricks. I'm gonna teach him tricks. Chum Chum: I don't know if that's such a good idea, Fanboy. Remember those other class pets you tried to teach tricks? Like the chipmunk?
[Flashback to that time]
Fanboy: [blindfolded, holding a bow] Okay, just like rehearsal.
[The chipmunk gives a rather intimidating look, along with a horror sting to match. Back to reality]
Fanboy: Oh, that chipmunk was just being dramatic. Anyway, it's not my fault. None of those pets had the eye of the tiger.
Chum Chum: Neither did the class tiger after you were done.
Fanboy: What about the class bear cub? I taught him how to pick locks.
Chum Chum: Yeah, and he broke out of his cage, and we never saw sprinkles again. Poor little bear. I just don't want anything bad to happen to precious. He's like a delicate flower. [pig squealing] My delicate flowers!
Fanboy: Don't worry. I'll watch precious while you take these to the emergency flower doctor.
Chum Chum: Aw, thanks, fanboy. You're such a good-- Fanboy: bye, now. My little precious, how would you like to be an internet sensation? We just have to discover your hidden talent. We'll start with something simple: Balancing things on your nose. [chomping sounds] [pig belches] Okay, maybe balancing's not your thing. How about juggling? ♪♪ Da-da da-da-da-da da da da ♪♪ [chomping sounds] [sequenced farting] Okay, you're not a circus pig. Not in the blood. Maybe you're the pig who can eat anything. [pig snorting] [choking sounds] Okay, stay calm, precious. [coughing and squealing] Ah! Ah, that's it. Your talent is karate.
00:14:31 Mmm. 00:14:32 You have done well thus far, my most promising student. 00:14:35 But let us see how you do with the flying fanboy surprise. 00:14:41 [grunting and punching] [pig grunting] - Ah, the challenge has been accepted. 00:14:56 Ha-la-la-la-la-la-la. 00:14:57 [pig snorting] [intermittent shouting and snorting] - I'm back. 00:15:04 [gasping] Fanboy, what are you doing? 00:15:09 - Uh, kung fu. 00:15:13 Chop? 00:15:13 - He was gonna bash precious on the head. 00:15:18 - Yes, I was. 00:15:19 But it's not what you think. 00:15:20 I have been teaching him karate all day. 00:15:23 He's really good. 00:15:24 Show 'em, precious. 00:15:26 [loud farting] [metallic clanging] - [screams] - You see that accuracy? 00:15:32 He wasn't even looking. 00:15:34 - Don't listen to him, mr. mufflin. 00:15:35 He's the one who hurts all our class pets. 00:15:38 - The turtle, he still wake up screaming. 00:15:42 - Ah! ah-ah! aaaaahhhh! 00:15:45 - But I would never hurt precious. 00:15:48 - That's precious? 00:15:49 I love that pig. 00:15:51 Who let you have him? 00:15:54 Come here, precious. 00:15:55 Come to mufflie. 00:15:58 Oh. 00:15:58 - No, don't take him. 00:16:00 Please. I love precious. 00:16:01 And precious loves me. 00:16:03 [grunting] Iv - you do know the firs thing about p love. 00:16:08 Does he, you little hoggy woggy woo woo? 00:16:11 I'll deal with you in class tomorrow. 00:16:15 - Mr. mufflin, wait! 00:16:18 Um, if you want to know the truth, I didn't really get my full time with the pig. 00:16:22 Can I take home the class parakeet? 00:16:25 [mechanical whirring] all: HMM. [lips buzzing] - But he can do karate. 00:16:30 Why won't anyone believe me? 00:16:33 Why? 00:16:36 [pig snorting] - The only punishment I could find for a student who willfully intended harm upon pig was in ye olde teacher's manual, copyright 1620. 00:16:49 Hear ye, hear ye. 00:16:52 Any person who harmeth a noble swine shall be punisheth by shunning. 00:16:59 - [gasps] SHUNNING? 00:17:01 [gavel pounding] - That'll teach ye for not being goodly. 00:17:05 - Hmph! 00:17:08 - Hmph!
Chum Chum: Fanboy, are you gonna be okay?
Fanboy: Yeah, I'll be fine.
Hank: I don't hear shunning back there!
Fanboy: Sorry. [whispering] SORRY.
Chum Chum: Mmm.
[Fanboy walks to his desk]
Hank: Not there! In the Shunning Cave!
[Camera zooms to a dark cave in the back of the room]
Fanboy: Aw. Everyone's mad at me.
Kyle: [blows raspberry]
Fanboy: Hey, Kyle. [sighs] [Fanboy walks to the outside of the shunning cave. Kyle slowly shakes his head at him]
[Fanboy walks deeper into the cave]
00:17:40 - [sighs] [ragtime piano music] - ♪♪ Do do do, piggy piggy piggy ♪♪ 00:17:46 ♪♪ do do do, piggy piggy piggy ♪♪ 00:17:48 ♪♪ do do do, piggy piggy piggy ♪♪
Fanboy: [in a menacing tone of voice] it was our precious, and they stoles it. We wants it back. We wants our precious. [in an innocent tone] But we're not allowed to touch precious. [menacing] We wants it, and we must takes it now. [innocent] Right, but we only have five minutes left in our shunning. Wouldn't it be better to just wait -- [menacing] We wants it now!
[he begins to crawl on the ceiling]
Fanboy: [grunting] They stole it from us, sneaky little pig stealers. Wicked, tricksy, false.
00:18:18 - Cave-dwelling pig hater. 00:18:21 - Hey, duke. 00:18:22 - Pig stealer. 00:18:24 [pig snorting] - Yes, you do. 00:18:26 You want some more chalk? 00:18:27 Daddy get you more chalky chalky. 00:18:31 - [grunting] - Hey, where'd he-- - wah-ha-ha-ha-ah. 00:18:37 Precious. 00:18:38 Precious is ours. 00:18:41 [coughs] Yes, precious is mine. 00:18:47 [tires skidding] [engine revving] - He took my pig. 00:18:51 After him. 00:18:53 [engines revving] - Fanboy, let me come. 00:18:57 I promise I won't shun you anymore. 00:19:00 [pig squealing] - They'll never find us in here, precious. 00:19:03 I know every inch of this cave. 00:19:07 Whoa, how did you-- - we came in the fire exit. 00:19:10 - Elevator's out. 00:19:13 - Okay, pig napper, hand over the pig before it gets hurt. 00:19:17 - [whimpering] MMM. 00:19:18 Why can't you people understand? 00:19:21 I would never do anything to put precious in harm's-- [bear roaring] Way? 00:19:27 - Sprinkles. 00:19:29 Wow, you've grown. 00:19:31 [roaring] [all screaming] - Easy, sprinkles. 00:19:35 [thumping and growling] - Congratulations. 00:19:39 You've graduated from endangering animals to endangering people. 00:19:46 [slurping] [roars] Pig's yours now. health and happiness. 00:19:55 - Here, chum chum, hold precious. 00:19:57 I need to try to get through to sprinkles. 00:20:00 Hey, sprinkles. remember me? 00:20:03 Fanboy. 00:20:04 Yeah, you remember. 00:20:06 We used to-- ah! 00:20:09 [pig squeals] - Precious! 00:20:13 [bear grunts] [pig squeals] all: AH... 00:20:19 [bear roars] [grunting and punching] [rapid punching] [bear grunts] [bear growls] [pig squeals] [rapid punching] - Hee-yah! 00:20:46 [farting] [bear grunts] [whimpering] all: AWWW. 00:20:58 - You really did teach that pig karate. 00:21:01 And you kids shunned him for it. 00:21:04 Detention for all of you. 00:21:06 kids: AWWW. 00:21:08 - Wow, precious. 00:21:10 You sure laid the smack down on sprinkles. 00:21:13 - And now, precious, you're training is complete. 00:21:16 It is my honor to bestow upon you-- [slurping sounds] [farting] - I guess precious just made brown belt.