Fanboy: [taps on his juice box and makes beeping sounds] Stardate 16011 dash 2402. We've landed our spaceship on a small uncharted planet. The atmosphere seems to be very hot. And dry. [sips] Ah, life-giving juice.
Chum Chum: [Whirring sound as he lowers a plank for the ramp] Landing gear deployed, Captain Fanboy.
Fanboy: Thank you, Lieutenant Chum Chum. [walking down the ramp] You're the best number two I've ever taken on a mission.
Chum Chum: [Sucks on lollipop like a scanner. Pulls it out, making whirring sound] No signs of life, Captain. [A seagull grabs the lollipop] AHHH! Alien life form! Alien life form!
[He drops it, and two more seagulls fight over it]
Fanboy: Back to the ship! Power up the hyperdrive!
[Shouting, they spin the merry-go-round around and jump on it]
Chum Chum: We’ve reached... escape velocity!
[They let go, and fly up so high they leave their playground]
[F&C land on a grassy plain and lift their heads up]
Chum Chum: Next time we splash down, we should do it in water. [looks ahead] Fanboy, look. We landed in the kindergarten.
Fanboy: Wow. We went back in time, too? We must’ve gone faster than I thought.
[During this dialogue, we pan across the kindergarten as the toddlers play. Suddenly, Miss. Olive, their teacher, greets F&C]
Miss Olive: Hello there. I didn’t see you two get dropped off. Well, I’m Miss Olive. [tickles Chum Chum's head] And I’m going to be your new kindergarten teacher.
Chum Chum: Hi, Miss Olive! I’m --
Fanboy: Ut-ut-ut... I’ll straighten this out. [To Miss Olive] Um, Miss...Olive, is it? I uh - I believe there’s been some sort of mistake. You see, we are not kindergartners.
Miss Olive: Ooh, don’t you talk like a big boy! [As she says this, she squeezes between Fanboy's mouth and wiggles it]
Fanboy: [knocks her hands away] Well, that’s because I am a big boy. I go to the "big boy" school.
Miss Olive: [giggles] It’s fun to pretend. I know, let’s pretend we’re trains -- and we’ll go chugga-chugga, chugga-chugga right into our classroom!
Chum Chum: [giggles] Choo Choo! I’m the caboose! [starts chugging]
Fanboy: [grabs Chum Chum by the cape] Okay. Big boys going bye-bye. C’mon, Chum Chum.
[They walk over to the gate. Fanboy tries to open it but to no avail]
Fanboy: [grunting] What is up with this gate? [grunting]
Miss Olive: It's been big boy-proofed.
[Inside, Miss Olive locks the door]
Fanboy: You never get used to that sound.
Chum Chum: It won’t be so bad, Fanboy. We’ll just hang out for the day and go home.
[They sit down in little chairs at a little table]
Fanboy: You’re right, I did a three-year stretch in this place. Look at 'em, Chum Chum.
[His perspective. Pan across the room showing the toddlers playing]
Fanboy: [off camera] Most of ‘em still kids.
Chum Chum: [off camera] It breaks your heart.
[During the pan, we see a tall girl, Marsha. We go past her, but then go back and stop on her. She is staring at Fanboy evily]
Fanboy: [off camera] Whoa. Look at the size of her! [we now see him] Sombody's been drinking their milk.
[Marsha stands up and pushes the toddlers out of the way as she marches up to Fanboy. Her perspective, we see F&C staring at her as she approaches]
Chum Chum: I think she heard you.
Fanboy: Eh, she’s probably just happy to have another tall kid in class.
Chum Chum: I dunno! She doesn’t look happy!
Marsha: Hello, Fanboy. Remember me? It's Marsha.
Fanboy: Who? Come again?
[During the above, she spits because of her speech impediment. Fanboy uses a shield to block it]
Fanboy: Oh, sure. You're that...we used to...didn't we...you know, over by the um...yeah, I got nothing.
Marsha: [shows a class photo of Hank's from years ago] Maybe this will refresh your memory. [points to Fanboy] This is you, [points to herself] and that - was me!!!
Fanboy: But that was Marsha. She was all nice and sweet. And you...ooh.
Marsha: THAT'S BECAUSE YOU RUINED ME!!!
[Flashback to years ago when Marsha was chipper]
Hank: One minute left. No pressure, kids, but your entire future depends on how you do on this test. [To a younger Marsha] Not that my prize pupil Marsha has anything to worry about!
[Marsha smiles and puts an apple on Hank's head. Zoom out a little to show Fanboy with two pencils in his nostrils and Chum Chum laughing]
Fanboy: Hey, Chum Chum! Check me out!
Hank: Ugh. Time's up, pass your tests forward.
[Marsha smiles and gives Fanboy her test. Suddenly, Fanboy lets out a loud, rude sneeze, covering Marsha's test in nothing but green snot blobs]
Fanboy: [nervously gives a thumbs-up] Best of luck, Marsha.
[Marsha stares at him, confused.]
[End of flashback]
Marsha: You ruined my test! I scored so low, they sent me back to kindergarten.
Fanboy: Oh, that Marsha.
Marsha: I used to read two levels above my grade, now I spend my days writing "Pat sat on a mat" with a pencil that’s fat! [breaks a pencil that matches what she said] It's all so...
Miss Olive: [off camera] Does anyone have to go potty?
Marsha: I have to make a tinky-wink! [To Fanboy, with her eyeballs protruding toward him] Humiliating.
Fanboy: I’m sorry, Marsha. I had no idea! Maybe you could take the test...again?
Marsha: I'm stuck in here!
Fanboy: Uhh, well maybe I could take it for you. I think I still got a few answers up here.
Marsha: Oh-ho-ho, It’s too late for tests! Now is the time for revenge! [points at the clock] See the little hand’s on the eight, and the big hand’s on...your throat!
Miss Olive: [off camera] Snack Time, everyone!
Marsha: Ooh! Orange slices! [Rips off her pigtails. At Fanboy] You got lucky this time, Fanboy, but come naptime, you're gonna take...a PERMANENT nap!
[She leaves, but pops down from above to talk to Chum Chum]
Marsha: But it's really nice to see you, Chum Chum.
[Marsha gives Fanboy a "you're going down" motion, then disappears]
Chum Chum: Wow, Marsha looks great, huh?
Fanboy: [nervously] Uh, yeah.
[Zoom to Marsha sitting on a stool. She smiles and growls as the colors turn red. As she does this, she has orange slices in her teeth. Fade to black]
[Fade up to show Art Class. The toddlers are working on their projects, F&C too. Fanboy stares in fright as Marsha does some chin-ups on a pole held by the other toddlers. She has tattoos on her fingers spelling "F-A-N-B-O-Y". She then gives Fanboy the "I'm watching you" motion]
Fanboy: Uh... [At Chum Chum] Chum Chum, we've gotta bust out of here!
Chum Chum: Can it wait ‘til I build a plane out of ice cream sticks?
Fanboy: [Picks him up] Marsha’s gonna hurt me!
Chum Chum: Oh, no she’s not.
[He turns him towards her. Marsha is making paper dolls of Fanboy]
Chum Chum: [off camera] See? She likes you.
[Marsha bites off the heads]
Chum Chum: That’s no way to get a gold star.
Fanboy: See? We gotta bust out!
[The escape montage starts. Chum Chum sidles against the wall, picks up two plastic spoons and brings them to Fanboy, who opens a trapdoor in the floor and digs a hole. F&C jump into it. They open another trapdoor and pops out, but they're actually on the celing. Marsha walks across, closing the trapdoor]
[F&C are on a turbo bike, heading for the slide. Marsha, however, presses a remote which tilts the slide. The bike goes off it and crashes back into the classroom]
[The montage ends. Back in the classroom, F&C are in a cart with rug squares]
Fanboy: It’s perfect. When they take the rug squares out to be cleaned, we just roll right out with them. Okay, pile them on.
[They duck down and hide. Suddenly, the rugs release a stench. They then sit up and gasp]
Chum Chum: I guess not every kid got aboard the potty train.
Miss Olive: [walks over] Ooh, pulling out our rug squares. [tugs Fanboy's lip] Well aren’t you two the little helper bees. [giggles] I almost forgot it was NAPTIME! NAPTIME, EVERYONE!
[One by one, the blinds of the windows begin to close, Fanboy screams in reaction to each one. Camera shifts back and forth between each window and Fanboy five times, zooming closer to Fanboy with each of his shots. On the fifth, we see an extreme close-up of Fanboy's eyes. During this sequence, a line that Marsha said earlier is heard in Fanboy's conscience]
Marsha (in Fanboy's mind): You're gonna take...a PERMANENT nap! [echo]
[Pan across a row of windows as the blinds close one by one]
Fanboy: No! [To Miss Olive] Uh, Miss Olive? I was thinking. Naps are very healthy for growing bodies, but, so is Vitamin D! And what better source of Vitamin D than the warming rays of... [Opens the blinds and sees a solar eclipse, gasping] A Solar Eclipse?!? CURSE YOU, SEMI-ELLIPTICAL ORBIT!!! You know what we need? Music. [goes over to the record player and turns up the volume] Okay, everybody! On your feet!
[The song is actually Brahms' Lullaby. He gasps as he spys the kids starting to fall asleep around him. He then sulks disgustedly]
Miss Olive: Our naptime song. That’s a gold star for you. [Puts a star sticker on Fanboy's head] And on your first day. Okay everyone, resting places! [to Fanboy] You too.
[Fanboy rolls himself into a rug square. Marsha suddenly rolls up next to him]
Marsha: Yes, your final resting place.
Fanboy: Ah! [rolls away]
Miss Olive: Let’s all close our eyes and take the cloud-ferry to Sleepytime Island.
[She turns off the lights and starts to leave, but Fanboy turns them back on]
Miss Olive: Ut, ut, ut. When we go night-night, there's no light-light.
[As she says this, she turns off the lights again. But Fanboy turns them back on]
Miss Olive: Now, now, light switches aren't for little hands.
[She turns them off again. Fanboy sticks his foot up and turns the lights back on a final time]
Miss Olive: Okay, [giggles] I think someone needs a time out! Come along, Mister. You’re going to spend naptime in the gingerbread house. [Shows him a toy gingerbread playhouse]
Fanboy: You mean me? In there? All alone? The whole time? Well, if you think it’s best.
[He walks into the house]
[Inside the playhouse...]
Fanboy: Well, Marsha, looks like you messed with the wrong coward. Huh? [Spies some graffiti on the wall] "Marsha was here". [We see graffitti of Fanboy in a cauldron, Fanboy about to be eaten by a shark, and Marsha jumping on Fanboy's stomach, and Marsha riding a bear that's going to eat Fanboy. He gasps as he sees these, then spies one more graffiti that reads "Marsha is here"] "Marsha is here". [Zoom out to show Marsha staring at him] AHHH! MARSHA!!! How - how - how did you get in here so fast?!
Marsha: I said "poopy".
Fanboy: [pause] That’s it?
Marsha: I’ve got priors.
Fanboy: [sits down] Marsha, stay back. [stands up with toy sissors] I'm warning you! These can almost cut paper! [She swats them away] AHH! HELP!! HELP ANYONE!!!
Marsha: I've been dreaming of this moment during every naptime! Nothing is going to stop me from getting my revenge! REVENGE!
[Outside, a battle takes place while the playhouse bounces and hops around. It bounces over and hits the record player, causing it to skip as a record scratch sound is heard. The lullaby is replaced with a lively melody as the kids start to wake up. Back in the playhouse, Marsha has her hands on Fanboy's face when she hears the music]
Marsha: Ooh! The Bunny Dance! MY FAVORITE!
Fanboy: Well, don't let me keep you.
[Marsha gleefully bursts out of the house, making bunny ears]
[She joins four other toddlers in the dance]
(Song: The Bunny Dance)
♪ Well, rabbit feet go hop-hop-hop! ♪
♪ Rabbit ears go flop-flop-flop! ♪
♪ Give your nose a wiggle... ♪
♪ Give your tail a jiggle... ♪
♪ Do the Bunny Dance! ♪
[A beaten Fanboy crawls out of the playhouse]
Chum Chum: Fanboy! This way!
Fanboy: [goes over to the window and gasps]
Chum Chum: Come on, before the song ends! [Climbs up a ladder]
Fanboy: [To Marsha] So long, Marsha. Send me a postcard if they teach you capital letters.
[Marsha, who was hopping in a circle, stops for a moment to curse him]
Marsha: Curse you, Fanboy! [goes back to hopping]
[On the roof, Fanboy sees a ice cream stick plane Chum Chum made with the ice cream sticks over the course of the episode]
Fanboy: Ho-ho! Now that's what I call arts and crafts. [gets in the plane with Chum Chum]
Chum Chum: I call it "Airplane I made out of ice cream sticks".
[The plane takes off and the boys fly home]
Chum Chum: Do you think they’ll ever let Marsha out of kindergarten?
Fanboy: Well, if I know Martha, she’ll be just fine.
[In the bottom, Marsha is holding onto the rod of the back wheels]
Marsha: It's Marsha!
[A seagull grabs her and bonks her back to the kindergarten yard]
Marsha: I'LL GET YOU, FANBOY!!!
[The boys fly in their plane home into the sunset. Iris out, the episode is over.]