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Man-Arctica the Ride/Transcript

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Return to "Man-Arctica the Ride".
[Scene opens outside the Fanlair. It it 10:30 am. Chum Chum turns off his alarm clock and sits up]

Chum Chum: Morning, Fanboy. What are you doing?
[Fanboy is seen lying in bed, with a string tied to his left index finger]
Fanboy: I've been lying here for hours trying to figure out why I tied this string to my finger. I know it was to help me remember something, but what?!?
Chum Chum: You should do what I do, and write yourself a note. See? [Takes a note off the post of his bed and reads it] "Cut safe down from celing".
[F&C look up and notice a safe attached to a rope. Chum Chum know's it's attached to Fanboy's finger on one end]
Chum Chum: Coming right down!
Fanboy: Lucky, I still have no idea what this string is for. [Chum Chum cuts the rope] I thought maybe it was to remove this coil of rope, uhh, that's moving on it's own. Oh well, I guess I'll never -- ahh! [flies up to the celing and hits it] Why would I do this to me?
Chum Chum: Fanboy, look!
Fanboy: [notices poster on ceiling and gasps] "Man-Arctica presents: The Ice Scream Extreme, opening today"?!? Chum Chum, get up here and high-five me!!!
Chum Chum: Coming!
[Chum Chum bounces on his bed up to Fanboy, but winds up sending himself and Fanboy high into the air, breaking the roof and flying to the carnival]

[At the carnival, a crowd of excited customers are standing at the gate, waiting for the park to open so they can ride the Ice Scream Extreme]
Crowd: Ice - Scream - Extreme! Ice - Scream - Extreme! [Continues until the park alarm goes off]
[F&C fall into the crowd]
Fanboy and Chum Chum: [joining in the chanting] Ice - Scream - Extreme!
Fanboy: Hey, Oz, how long have you been camping out here?
Oz: [holding his crotch] Eighteen extraordinary hours! Did you guys happen to bring a tin can?
[The horse race trumpet song plays over the speaker, this is the park alarm]
Hank: Ice Scream Extreme! Let's rush in!
Crowd: [cheering] [The gate opens, and everyone excitedly runs in. Boog suddenly stops the fun]
Boog: He's-a-kaw!
[Boog: Bullyus Manamus]
Boog: Outta my way, butt nuggets! [wedgies F&C away, who scream, then laughs] Yahoo! Bop! [bops Hank in slow motion]
Hank: Ugh!
Boog: Bop the bop! Bop! [bops Yo in slow motion]
Yo: Ah!
Boog: Boooop! [bops Oz in slow motion]
Oz: Oh!
Boog: Bop! [laughs] All right! First in line! First to ride! I'm makin' history over here! [screeches in front of the ride station] Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah! Gonna do -- what, uh -- uh-oh. [Sees F&C falling down towards him] Oh, my wedgies backfired on me!
[CRASH!]
[Boog flies out of the park and the gates close behind him]
Boog: Oh! I didn't get my hand stamped!

[Meanwhile...]
Fanboy and Chum Chum: First in line!
[The crowd cheers and shouts as they line up behind F&C]
Lupe: I've never been so nervous. My knees can't stop shaking!
Yo: Me too! [giggles]
Fanboy: Hey, Chum Chum, get a load of Lupe and Yo. They're scared. [sneaks over to them and chuckles]
Yo and Lupe: [giggling]
Fanboy: Hey, guys. Feeling a little nervous about the ride? Well, don't be, because I heard they fixed the broken track after what happened last time and cleaned up the brains.
[There is a chain pulling sound, then a boom as Fanboy snoops away, leaving the girls dumbstruck]
Fanboy: Hey, Kyle!
Kyle: BAH!
Fanboy: You're looking a bit sick. You're not coming down with...Chicken Pox? [gobbles and dances like a chicken as Kyle looks at him, confused] Am I right, Chris?
Chris Chuggy: Wah-wah.
Fanboy: What's that? Did you say "wah-wah" or [pretending to cry] waah, waah, waah? [laughs]

[Suddenly, Man-Arctica's voice is heard from a speaker on the top centerpiece of the ride station]
Man-Arctica: Attention, humans!
Everyone: Ooh!
Fanboy: Man-Arctica's talking!
Man-Arctica: Are you ready for the most extreme ride on your planet?
Everyone: [pause] Yeah!
Man-Arctica: Then, open your hollering holes for...the Ice! Scream! Extreme!
[The doors blocking the station open up, releasing a blinding light]
Everyone: Yeah!
Fanboy: It's so bright with awesomeness!

[The light goes away and we pan upwards to see the whole view of the ride]

Lenny: Welcome to the Ice Scream Extreme.
Everyone: Ahh...
Lenny: Now I'm required to test your extreme nessicity.
Fanboy: Eh-eh-hem.
[Fanboy holds Chum Chum in front of Lenny. Chum Chum takes in a deep breath, then screams so loud, he knocks Lenny away]
Chum Chum: Ah, oh.
Fanboy: I got you, buddy.
Chum Chum: Is this real life?
Lenny: [crawls up to F&C] Uh, congratulations. you're free to board.
Fanboy and Chum Chum: Yay!

[Later, the rollercoaster train rolls up. It is made up of four cars, at the front is some sort of decor shaped like Man-Arctica's head. the kids get on the ride: Yo and Lupe take the front, Kyle and Chuggy take the second car, Michael and Hank take the third car, and Fanboy and Chum Chum take the back]
Fanboy: Let's go, let's go, let's go, let's go...
Lenny: Remember to keep all hands inside and -- whatever, enjoy the ride.
Fanboy: Let's go, let's go, let's -- [gets hit with the safety bar] ah.
Chum Chum: Yay!
[Lenny presses a button on the control unit. The ride starts, and the train leaves the station]

[On the lift hill...]
Crowd: [chattering]
Fanboy: Let's go. let's -- oh, we are going. Hey, all you lightweights up there, try not to barf on us in the back! [laughs]
[The hill becomes steep]
Fanboy: Whoa, that was abrupt. [gulps] Uh, loo-loo-loo-loo. I taste pennies. [the scene switches to space as he looks ahead of everyone] Does anyone else taste pennies? Is it just me? Oh, gosh, it's just me. [looks around] Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, [the train starts to go down the hill] okay. Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. [the train has gone down the hill fully] NOT OKAY!!!

[Everyone screams as the train goes down the hill. It goes down, then back up again. The train bounces across some bumpy hills. It goes over a hill in the bottom left, a ramp in the center, and a hill in the upper right, finally in all places at once]
Chum Chum: Yeah!!!
[The gang continues screaming as the train goes into the ice mountain. Yo and Lupe go past the camera, screaming girly. Kyle and Chuggy go past, if you look closely Kyle is clinging to Chuggy as if he's scared. Michael and Hank go past, hands in air and Hank cross-eyed. Fanboy and Chum Chum go past, Chum Chum cheering and Fanboy screaming like mad. The screen goes dark, camera flashes up on Fanboy five times to show his reactions down the mountain. First shows him screaming, second he's making some sort of mouth pose, third he's farting with eyes closed, fourth shows two of him at once hugging and screaming, and the last shows his skull visable while his teeth chatter. After the last blackout, we iris in to show the train going over some more bumpy hills as the gang continues to scream and have fun]
Chum Chum: Get ready for the arctic blast! [ducks down]
Fanboy: [whimpering] Arctic bla -- [screams while getting frozen by snow]
Chum Chum: Yeah! Here comes the corkscrew!
Fanboy: I don't want to corkscrew. I don't want to corkscrew. [the train spins for several seconds] I DON'T WANT TO CORKSCREW!
[The train stops at the station for a brief rest stop. The gang cheers, Fanboy wretches, green face and all]
Lenny: Did you guys like that?
All but Fanboy: YEAH!
Fanboy: Not entirely.
Lenny: Then you're gonna love track two. [presses button on control unit]
Fanboy: Track two? [gets hit with the safety bar] Ah!
All but Fanboy: Yeah!!!
[The train takes off back to the main ride for the second track. It goes up a steep track through four sideways loops, then constantly goes back and fourth, causing the riders to slide in their seats]
Fanboy: Ooh! Aah! Ooh! Aah! Yah! [starts to fall off, but gets back in and sighs. But he falls off after another bump]
[Fanboy screams as he falls off the ride, but lands back into his seat]
Fanboy: [wimpering] I'm ali-i-i-ive.
Chum Chum: HA, ME TOO! [the train goes into a dark tunnel] Ooooooh, the Global Warmer's lair.
Fanboy: Global Warmer? I thought this was Man-Arctica's ride. Oh, what's going on?
Animatronic Global Warmer: Bippity-bippity-boo. Yibbity-flibbity-flah.
[The train comes to a stop at a track that's unfinished. An animatronic Global Warmer rises up, lights on him out]
Animatronic Global Warmer: Bibbity-bibbity-BOO!
[On the last word, the lights go on and fire surrounds Animatronic Global Warmer. Fanboy screams like crazy, then the train rides into Animatronic Global Warmer's mouth as evil laughter is heard. Cut to black]

[Fade back up at the ride station. The train arrives. Everyone is ducking down, Fanboy is in ashes. All but Fanboy celebrates the end of the ride, then all but Fanboy and Chum Chum get out]
Chum Chum: It's okay! Oh! that was awesome! I mean it went all like -- [buzzes lips] Yah! Ooh! [imitates chugging sound] Hey, Fanboy, wasn't that ride totally amazing?!
Fanboy: [spits out a goldfish] Wah.
Chum Chum: Yeah, you're right. Going underwater was the best.
Lupe: [To Yo] Hey, did anyone hear that girl? She was screaming.
Fanboy: [gasp] Uhh... [goes over to Lupe] Girl? Screaming? No, I didn't hear any -- Chum Chum, did you hear any -- you sure it wasn't Yo?
Lupe: No, she was screaming in the back.
Chum Chum: But Fanboy and I were in the back.
Hank: Then you must have heard her, crying and squealing. It was practically next to you.
Fanboy: [nervous giggle] Oh, squealing, yes. Yes, I did hear that. You know what that was? That was the wheels. You know how these old rides are. [chuckles] All squeaky and stuff. [chuckles, At Lenny] Hey, Lenny, how about greasing up those tracks, will you?
Lupe: Nah, I don't think so! She sounded so eh-scared!
Fanboy: Huh? [Backs up to see his ride photos]
Lupe: [offscreen]The whole time she was like --
[Screen shows the four ride photos of Fanboy screaming and barfing while his scream is heard. Fanboy himself is then shown, screaming at the photos]
Lupe: Yeah, like that.

Lenny: Photos, get your photos. Relive your extreme memories.
Chum Chum: YEAAAAAHHH!!! EXTREME MEMORIES!!! HEY! GO! MOVE IT!
[The crowd chatters as they start to see Fanboy's pictures, but Fanboy bounces on Lenny and blocks all four screens]
Lenny: Hey!
[The crowd stops]
Fanboy: Heh-hey, you guys want to do something really extreme?
Chum Chum/Yo/Hank/Kyle/Chris Chuggy: Yeah! Yeah!
Fanboy: All right, um, extreme...funnel cakes! [pause] Here we go! [pause] Come on! [pause] Funnel cakes, right now! All right, um, extreme churros?! [pause, throws churro in Kyle's face] All right, uh, extreme spin art? Oh, oh, oh, I got it: Super ext-reme bathroom break. [starts to leave]
Lenny: If you want top be super extreme, why don't you ride the fast version?
[Fanboy stops, the gang turns and looks at Lenny extatically]
Lenny: You guys have been riding on snail's pace, but it goes up to faster than light speed.
Chum Chum: [clapping] Can we ride it on "fast," Lenny? Can we?! CAN WE?!?
Lenny: I'll just spool up the FTL drive. [presses a button on the unit]
[The train and the entire track of the ride lights up, and a smoky skull and crossbones appears over the train]
Ride voice: Get ready to roooooock.
Fanboy: AAAAHHH!!! [faints]
Lupe: That girl has problems.
[Cheering, all except Fanboy and Chum Chum proceed to the ride]

Chum Chum: Come on, Fanboy!
Fanboy: I...can't.
Chum Chum: You can't wait? I know! [takes Fanboy's arm] Me neither! Let's go! [starts to head for the train but Fanboy pulls him back]
Fanboy: No, Chum Chum, I can't!
Chum Chum: You can't what?!
Fanboy: [whimpers]
Man-Arctica: You can't leave!
Fanboy: Huh?
[Man-Arctica lands in front of F&C, who gasp]
Hank/Lupe/Kyle/Chris Chuggy/Yo/Michael: Man-Arctica!
Man-Arctica: I was in the far reaches of space when I heard the most terrified screams coming from my ride. [At Lenny] Underpaid employee! Turn on the holographic replay.
[Lenny presses a button on the unit and a hologram of the ride from earlier is shown. Fanboy is in the back, his screaming constantly being repeated. The gang is surprised, Fanboy whimpers as he hides himself at the back]
Man-Arctica: There! The rider with the puffy eyes from crying, who is that?!
Chum Chum: That's Fanboy!
Man-Arctica: Which one of you is Fanboy?
[Everyone except Chum Chum turns around and points at a trash can. Inside it is Fanboy, shivering with fear]
Fanboy: Hey, Man-Arctica.
Man-Arctica: [grabs the can and shows Fanboy the hologram] Are you this extremely terrified child?
Fanboy: [lowly] Eeyup.
Man-Arctica: Never in all my travels have I seen such an extreme look of fear in anyone's face!
Fanboy: Really? Never?
Michael/Kyle/Chris Chuggy/Lupe/Hank/Yo: [giggling and stifled laughter]
Man-Arctica: I have been wanting to show the whole galaxy just how terrifying my roller coaster really is. And I can think of no better way than with your cowardly squeals and sniveling whimpers.
Fanboy: Uh...thanks?
Man-Arctica: Fanboy, would you be the new blotchy, simpering face of the Ice Scream Extreme?
Chris Chuggy/Kyle/Yo/Michael/Lupe/Hank: Wow.
Fanboy: [pause, sobs] Ye-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-es. Ye-es, I-I wi-i-ill.
Man-Arctica: [closes the lid over Fanboy's trash can] Save it for the TV spots.

[Back at the Fanlair later that day...]
Chum Chum: Wow! Look at that shade of green, they got your face exactly right.
Fanboy: And the best part is, I get 10¢ every time it screams.

[Scene zooms to a closeup of a picture on a billboard advertising the Ice Scream Extreme. On it is Man-Arctica riding the coaster with a green-faced Fanboy sitting next to him. The billboard plays a clip of Fanboy's scream. Iris out, the episode is over.]

Previous:
"Stan Arctica"
Transcripts Next:
"Fan-bidextrous"

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