Lenny: [reading the ad] "Write the winning jingle for the Frosty Mart and win a million Frosty Bucks"? WHAT?!? [sips] They're gonna let [sips] our customers write the jingle? [sips] But they're all idiots! [sips]
[F&C pop in through the door, singing and dancing]
(Song: The Dollar Dance)
Fanboy: ♪ Double D to the- ♪
Chum Chum: ♪ O- ♪
Fanboy: ♪ With a double L- ♪
Chum Chum: ♪ and an A- ♪
Fanboy: ♪ and an R- ♪
Fanboy and Chum Chum: ♪ What's that spell? Dollar, uh-huh, uh-huh! Dollar, uh-huh, uh-huh! ♪
Fanboy: ♪ Listen up yal, cause it's time to do...the Dollar Dance! ♪
Chum Chum: ♪ What dance? ♪
Fanboy: ♪ The Dollar Dance! ♪
Fanboy and Chum Chum: ♪ The Dollar Dance! ♪
Fanboy: ♪ First you get a dollar... ♪
Chum Chum: ♪ A nice, crispy dollar... ♪
Fanboy: ♪ And you shake it in the air like you just don't care! ♪
Chum Chum: ♪ (I don't care!) ♪
Fanboy: ♪ And wiggle it about, and turn it all around... ♪
Chum Chum: ♪ Around! ♪
Fanboy: ♪ Cause now you just did... ♪
Fanboy and Chum Chum: ♪ The Dollar Dance! ♪
Fanboy: ♪ Say what? ♪
Fanboy and Chum Chum: ♪ The Dollar Dance! THE DOLLAR DANCE!!! ♪
[Lenny starts to moan and quiver. Scene dissolves to his fantasy of F&C winning the contest]
Agent Johnson: [shaking Fanboy's hand] Congratulations, Fanboy and Chum Chum! Your jingle just won a million Frosty Bucks! What are you gonna do now?
Fanboy: Well, first we'd like to roll around in it, like so.
[Briefly, they roll around in the money]
Fanboy: And then, we'd like to spend a dollar a day for a million days here at the Frosty Mart with our best friend, Lenny!
[Spotlight on a dumbfounded Lenny. Kazoo music plays as F&C dance around him]
[End of fantasy]
[Dissolve to an extreme close-up of Lenny's eyes. He wimpers, only to see Fanboy's hand come into view]
Fanboy: Hello? Lenny? [zoom out to show him waving his hand in Lenny's face] Lenny! La-la-la-la Lenny!
[Lenny screams and faints]
Fanboy: Hey, me and Chum Chum have a problem. You see, we only have a dollar, and we just cannot agree what to spend it on. Man, I wish we had more money. [Notices the ad on the window] Huh? Hey, what's that new poster all about?
[Lenny screams and throws the register at the window, making a hole in it]
Fanboy: Why'd you do that, Lenny?
Lenny: Oh, just such a nice day. Thought you'd enjoy some fresh air. [breathes deeply]
Radio announcer: Hey, all you Wacky Wednesday listeners! How would you like to win a million --
[Lenny smashes the radio]
Fanboy: Why'd you do that, Lenny?
Lenny: Oh, just thought you'd rather listen to the soothing sounds of the in-store muzak. [imatates soothing music on speaker]
Fanboy: Oh, that is nice.
Chum Chum: Very pleasant.
[The music changes to the contest ad]
Radio announcer: We interrupt this muzak to announce the Frosty Mart Jingle Con --
[Lenny throws a mop at the speaker, breaking it]
Lenny: [breathing deeply]
Radio announcer: --Test, where you get to write the new jingle.
Radio announcer: Remember to submit your jungle by 5:00 today...
[Lenny rips the other speaker out of the wall and proceeds to destroy the others]
Radio announcer: I just can't stop talking about this jingle contest! Whoo! No purchase necessary. Void in cali -- That's a whole nother --
[All speakers are destroyed]
Lenny: [dragging the ruined speakers] Boy, am I butter fingers today. [Throws the speakers out of the scene] Well, let's get you two rung up and on your way out of here. [starts to push them out]
Fanboy: But we haven't picked out what we want yet!
Lenny: [stops pushing and thinks] Here, take two of everything!
[He rolls them out in a full cart]
Fanboy: But we haven't paid!
Chum Chum: Yeah, don't you want our dollar?
Lenny: It's on the house. [the doors close] [sighs] Whew. Too close.
[The doors open, F&C are eating something]
Chum Chum: Thanks for the snack, Lenny.
Fanboy: Yeah, now we have all the energy we need to write out jingle for the Frosty Mart Contest.
[They blast out of the screen, Lenny coughs from the smoke. A fanfare sounds, followed by some Hip Hop music. Dollarnator beatboxes to the beat as F&C work on their first jingle: a rap]
(Song: Frosty Freezy Freeze Rap)
Chum Chum: ♪ Yo, what's your favorite drink at the Frosty Mart? It's a... ♪
Fanboy and Chum Chum: ♪ Frosty Freezy Freeze! ♪
Fanboy: ♪ I need an F, an R, an O ♪
♪ An S, a T, a Y ♪
♪ Uhh...and then another F! ♪
Chum Chum: [over] ♪ A Frosty Freezy Freeze! ♪
[Scene goes to night, then back to day. F&C are still working]
Fanboy: ♪ Give me an F, to the R, to the O, to the D ♪
♪ To the M, to the A, to the R, to the 3! ♪
[Lenny gets exasperated as he groans more]
♪ I need an F, an R, a double E, then a Z, an E... ♪
Fanboy: Wait a minute, am I on "Freeze" or "Freezy"?
Lenny: [twitching] You're...on "Frosty"!
Fanboy: "Frosty". [pause] CUT! CUT! This is never gonna work.
Dollarnator: I thought the beat was phat.
Fanboy: [pause] Hey, what was that first thing we had?
Chum Chum: Hmm. Mmm... [picks up a music sheet and reads it off] ♪ Frooostyyyy Maaaart! ♪ Oh, wait, that's not right.
Fanboy: No, wait a minute. Try that again.
Chum Chum: ♪ Frooostyyyy Maaaart! ♪
Dollarnator: [pause] Ding.
Fanboy: Nice "ding," Dollarnator.
Dollarnator: I was riding on your groove, man.
Fanboy: No, it's good. It's good! But is it good enough?
[Hank enters the Mart, floating]
Hank: Ohhhhhhhh. I was ten blocks away, when suddenly I felt compelled to shop at the... ♪ Frooostyyyy Maaaart! Diiiing! ♪ [knocks Fanboy away] You know where I can find it?
[Dollarnator and Chum Chum smile at each other]
Fanboy: Dollarnator, tell me you were recording on that last take!
[Dollarnator rewinds the tape on his player and plays it back]
Chum Chum on player: ♪ Frooostyyyy Maaaart! ♪
Dollarnator on player: Ding.
Dollarnator: Got it.
Fanboy: Gentlemen, we have our jingle! High four!
[they slap hands]
Fanboy/Chum Chum/Dollarnator: [singing] DING!
[Fanboy, Chum Chum and Dollarnator talk in the background]
Lenny: That jingle was actually catchy, and surprisingly effective in bringing in customers.
Hank: [floats by and puts groceries on the counter] I don't know why, but I'll take all this. Ding!
Lenny: [gasp] I've gotta destroy it!
Fanboy: ♪ Maaaart! ♪
Lenny: Hey, great session. Uh, why don't you take five? Frosty Freezy Freezes on me. [gets ready to throw them]
Chum Chum: Wow. Musicians really do get all the -- [gets thrown] perrrrrrks!
[they crash into something]
Lenny: [walks over to Dollarnator] Heeeey, crazy futuristic robot thing, haha. Come over here, I want to show you something.
[They approach the microwave]
Lenny: It's right here, next to the microwave.
Dollarnator: No! I should not be near a microwave! I have a pacemaker!
Lenny: Aw, that's too bad. Then I'll just put it on BAKED POTATO!!!
[Lenny puts the microwave on "high" and it sends out burning waves]
Dollarnator: [mumbling] Circuits misfiring. Memory erasing. Hot dogs defrosting! [hits ground, spits out hot dogs and gags] [Lenny laughs evily, then turns the microwave off]
[F&C approach, drinking their freeze]
Chum Chum: Ooh, hot dogs too. I love being a rock star.
Fanboy: Hey, Lenny. Want to hear our jingle?
Lenny: I'd love to.
Fanboy: Hit it, Dollarnator!
[Dollarnator tries to start up, but he couldn't]
Chum Chum: W-where is it?
Dollarnator: I have lost total recall! Someone has erased my jingle all the way! Who am I? I think I have to get my butt to mars -- get my butt to mars -- get my butt to mars -- [falls over]
Fanboy and Chum Chum: [gasp]
Lenny: Aw, that's too bad. You really can't trust those old machines...from the future.
Chum Chum: You mean...o-our jingle is gone?
Fanboy: That's okay, we can remember it. ♪ F-f-f-f-f ♪ Oh, I can't think! I got the brain freeze something bad, man.
Lenny: I guess it's true what they say about the jingle industry. Chews you up and spits you out. [presses register]
[F&C groan sadly]
[Later, Lenny is humming while cleaning the counter. He finds F&C, who sigh. He goes outside to sweep the doorstep, but looks down. F&C are on the broom, sighing. Lenny goes back in and hums while stocking the shelves. He sees F&C on the shelf and screams. F&C sigh]
Lenny: It was just a stupid jingle, cheer up!
Fanboy: Well, the only thing that cheers us up is singing our cheer up song.
Lenny: Then sing your stupid cheer up song.
Chum Chum: Yeah, but our cheer up song's about --
Lenny: JUST SING IT!
Fanboy: [sighs] All right. I guess it's worth a shot.
[They walk out of the scene and a piano plays a smooth intro. Briefly we see a curtain, but then it opens up to reveal Fanboy and Chum Chum as they start to sing]
(Song: Live at the Frosty Mart!)
Fanboy and Chum Chum: ♪ When we're both feeling down ♪
♪ And we're wearing a frown ♪
♪ And you can't pry us up off the floor... ♪
♪ There's only one thing ♪
♪ That makes our hearts sing ♪
♪ That's the "ding" of a sliding glass door! ♪
[They dance on the mat, making it open and close for several seconds]
Lenny: Ugh! Just sing your stupid song already!
Fanboy: Well, if you're gonna be THAT way about it...
Chum Chum: Hmph.
[F&C walk out of the mart briefly, but powerslide back in]
Fanboy and Chum Chum: ♪ We want to live at the Frosty Mart! ♪
Lenny: Oh, please, no.
Fanboy and Chum Chum: ♪ It's open all 24 hours ♪
♪ We'd lay our heads in hot dog beds ♪
♪ And take Frosty Freezy Freeze showers ♪
♪ We want to work at the Frosty Mart! ♪
♪ We'll gladly be its willing slaves ♪
Chum Chum: ♪ It would be neat-o to serve your buritto ♪
Fanboy: ♪ Fresh from the microwave ♪
Fanboy and Chum Chum: ♪ The Frosty Mart's so gleaming and spotless ♪
♪ We must have tiny convince store elves ♪
Lenny: Yeah, right.
Fanboy and Chum Chum: ♪ You can find what you want for a lot less ♪
Fanboy: ♪ If Boog ever restocks the shelves? ♪
Boog: Get off my back, already. I'm playing a Chimp Chomp solo.
[Musical electronic beeps are heard as Boog plays his solo]
Fanboy and Chum Chum: ♪ The Frosty Mart is always part of where I want to play! ♪
♪ It's also got the perfect start of every perfect day! ♪
♪ So pull apart a shopping cart and let's be on our way... ♪
♪ To the freeziest, the cheesiest, the guard against the sneeziest, ♪
♪ The classiest, sunglassiest, the toxic nacho gaseous, ♪
♪ To live at the Frosty Mart... ♪
Lenny: You practically do already.
Fanboy and Chum Chum: ♪ Today! ♪
♪ We want to live at the Frosty Mart! ♪
[F&C pant. Suddenly, the door opens to reveal agent Johnson clapping slowly]
Agent Johnson: That. Was. Amazing! Agent Johnson, head of security and all Frosty Mart related jubilation. Gentlemen, that little diddy is perfect for our new store jingle.
Fanboy: Hey, yeah, it was pretty good. Why didn't we just submit that?
Chum Chum: Let's do it now!
Lenny: Ah! You can't, it's too late. The contest's over, and you didn't win it. It's after 5:00.
Boog: No, it ain't. That clock's fast.
Boog: Every day I set it an hour ahead. Sometimes two if I want to catch a matinee.
[Agent Johnson folds his arms and clears his throat]
Boog: Oops, got to go. I mean, stay! Heh.
Fanboy: So, that means...
[Fanboy and Chum Chum win!]
Agent Johnson: [shaking Fanboy's hand] Congratulations! You boys are the official winners of the Frosty Mart Jingle Contest! And here's your prize: One million Frosty Bucks! What are you gonna do now?
Fanboy: Well, first we'd like to roll around in it, and then we'd like to spend a dollar a day for a million days here at the Frosty Mart with our best friend Lenny! [echo]
[F&C hug Lenny]
[The spotlight goes out]
"Saving Private Chum Chum"
"Eyes on the Prize"