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Return to "I, Fanbot".

[Scene opens up with the school in view]
Hank: [not so thrilled] Good morning, class. You're probably all wondering why I'm so hyper today. Exciting news.
Fanboy: Hmm?
Hank: Every student in the school district gets to take a big exam tomorrow.
[everyone groans]
Fanboy: Lame!
Hank: Settle, people! If the class performs well, our school will get money for much-needed books and supplies.
[everyone groans again]
Fanboy: Boring!
Hank: [getting excited] Or... [shows a picture of a dinosaur bouncy house] This state-of-the-art bouncy house!
Fanboy and Chum Chum: Bouncy!
Duke/Yo/Nancy: Bouncy house! Yay!/Bouncy house!
Chum Chum: A bouncy house! [bounces everywhere] Bouncy house, bouncy house, bouncy house, bouncy house, bouncy house, bouncy house!
Hank: Oh, yes, bouncy house. You will be mine. [imagines himself bouncing in the house] Now, in order to win this prize, everyone must pass the test.
Fanboy: Blah!
Hank: EVERYONE!
[Everyone glares at Fanboy making a weird face]
Fanboy: What?

[Scene shifts to the Fanlair]
Fanboy: I know I've messed up every test I've ever taken in my life, but now, I've got a reason to do well.
Chum Chum: A bouncy house!
Fanboy: Chum Chum, I'm about to say two words I never thought I'd say: Let's...study!
Chum Chum: Yay!
Fanboy: Okay, gonna crack those books. [pause, tries to reach for books but draws hand back] Can't crack your books until you crack your knuckles! [cracks knuckles] Everybody knows that. [leans head back] Crack my neck. [bends knee with hand] Crack my knee. [picks up vase] This vase. [tosses vase over shoulder and breaks it]
Chum Chum: Uh, Fanboy? I think you're stalling.
Fanboy: I am not -- stalling! [goes over to a strange flower model] I am flurping the mysenhoffle.
[Pause, Fanboy plonks the flower of the mysenhoffel]
Fanboy: Flurp!
Chum Chum: Well flurped. [Fanboy runs out] Now we can get to studying. [looks at open door] Fanboy?
Fanboy: [in the distance] JUST GETTING MORE MYSENHOFFLE!

[Chum Chum finds Fanboy reading comics at Oz's]
Chum Chum: Fanboy, this isn't studying!
Fanboy: It's no use, Chum Chum, I'm just not a studier! I think I get that from my grandpa, Grandboy.
Oz: Seriously, I wouldn't worry about it. I wasn't a strong studier either, and I'm a huge success.
Oz's Mom: [from upstairs] OZVALD! DID YOU SCOOP OUT MITZI'S GOATBOX YET, HUH?!
Oz: I will! I just need a beverage first. [presses remote] Oh, Mr. Roboto?
Robot: Coming.
[A robot comes out and gives a juice box to Oz]
Chum Chum: Wow! Neat robot, Oz! How did you do that?
Robot: [massaging Oz's shoulders] Just relax.
Oz: Duh, seriously? He's a robot. He knows everything. Especially this one: It's a collectible from a 1980's movie about ner-rds.
Robot: Those jocks think they're so cool. We'll show them.
Fanboy: Man, I wish I were a robot, then I wouldn’t have to study at all. I’d know everything! [pause] That's it! Robot, how would you like to switch brains?
Robot: Totally bogus, dude.

[Later...]
Oz: Operation: Brain Switch begins now. Step number uno: Remove the robot's brain. [reaches with pliers] Careful, Oz. Seriously. [removes robot brain] Oh, there. That takes care of the robot. And now for our human brain.
Fanboy: [wimpering]
Oz: Okay, Fanboy, I want you to slowly count backwards from ten.
Fanboy: Ten. [pause] Ten.
Oz: Wow, he needs this more than I thought.
Fanboy: Ten... [sleepily] Teeeeeen...
Oz: Okay, he's under.
[Chum Chum opens Fanboy's head flap and Oz proceeds to remove his brain]
Lenny: Excuse me, do you seeeeelllll...
Oz: Ah...I'll be right with you! I'm with another customer!
[Lenny faints]
Oz: Ah...

[Fanboy's perspective, a black and white screen]
Chum Chum: [echoey] Fanboy? Fanboy! Are you in there? Fanboy?
[screen POV turns on]
Fanboy: Eh...hey, Chum Chum. What's going on? Did the operation work?
Chum Chum: See for yourself!
[Oz holds up a mirror, Fanboy has a robot head instead of his own head. He now has a robot's body]
Fanboy: [gasps] Yes! I! AM! A! ROBOT! I mean... [in robot voice] I am Fanbot. Biddy-biddy-biddy. the world's most perfect creation. [knocks Oz's shelves off the wall]
Oz: Ahhh!
Fanbot: Oh, I meant to do that. [uncertainly] Biddy...biddy...biddy?
Oz: Here, the manual for your robot body. I seriously suggest you read it! [gives Fanbot a book]
Fanbot: "Know Your Robot Body". [inserts book into slot on chest] Boop, boop, boop! Analysis shows a complete lack of pictures or pop-ups. Probably of reading: Zero.
[Buzzer, the book shreads out of Fanbot's back]
Chum Chum: Wow! You're so smart, Fanbot! You'll ace that test for sure!
Fanbot: Affirmative. But with great robotic power comes great robotic responsibility. It is up to I, Fanbot, to make sure that we all pass the test.
Oz: Wait. You did this to pass a test? Well then, shouldn't we have put the robot's brain in your body?
Fanbot: Nooo, because then, I wouldn't have robot claws. Duh! Biddy-biddy-biddy.
Chum Chum: [jazz hands] Robot claws.
Fanbot: Come, Chum Chum! To the school! [tries to launch but goes backward] Oops. heh heh. [grunts] Come on. [grunts]
Oz: Emergency Brake!
Fanbot: Ohhhhhhhh! Thanks, Oz.
[They launch toward the school]
Chum Chum: [laughing]

[In the cafeteria, everyone's studying. Fanbot takes Yo's book]
Yo: Hey! I'm studying!
Fanbot: Studying? Ha. Ha. Ha. That is why I love you humans! Do you not see what you have before you? Behold: Fanbot. Here to free you from the tyranny of books forever! Starting with this phone book. [rips phone book in half]
Duke/Nancy/Cher: Wow!
Chum Chum: Fanboy's a super-smart robot now. He's gonna take the test for us!
Yo: Really?!?
Kyle: [not so thrilled] Am I hearing this correctly? You expect us to believe that this metal-clad misfit is a robot now?
Fanbot: Um, hello! Robot claws!
Chum Chum: [jazz hands] Robot claws.
Kyle: Right. And I assume you've had some incredible upgrade of intelligence?
Chum Chum: Uh-huh! Ask him anything!
Kyle: Very well. Uh...tsk. What's two plus two?
Fanbot: Uh...uh...uh, shutting down for scheduled maintenance. Please stand by. [shuts down]
Kyle: Ha! There you have it: The world's first mechanical moron! [pause] Well, I, for one, intend to return to my studies. If anyone would like to join me, I would -- [gets pelted with shreads] PLEH!
[Everyone is inserting books into Fanbot's chest, shredding them]
Fanbot: Give me your books, and I will give you...A BOUNCY HOOOOOUSE!
[all cheer]
Fanbot: TO! THE! TEST!
[Fanbot flies past Kyle, burning his book]
Kyle: Hmm? Urrrg.
Chum Chum: Bouncy house, bouncy house, bouncy house, bouncy house, bouncy house!
Kyle: [wimpering]
[Kyle literally loses his head]

[In the classroom...]
Hank: Bouncy, bouncy, bouncy, bouncy. Dreams do come true, Hank. [chuckles]
[Fanbot extends his arms and proceeds to work on every student's test in the room as they concentrate on other things at hand, like knitting, playing video games, using their cell phone, and even taking naps. Note that Kyle is doing his own test and Fanbot isn't helping him, possibly as a reference to earlier]

[After the test, where everyone is in the hallway...]
Fanbot: Ah-ah. Bouncy house, ah-ah. Bouncy house, ah-ah. Bouncy house, ah, ah, ah-ah.
Chum Chum: I wonder why it's taking Mr. Mufflin so long to grade our tests?
Fanbot: Let me input that question. Boop, boop, boop, beep! Dude, chill out. Boop, boop, boop, beep! Ah! Bouncy house, ah! Bouncy house, ah!

[Hank throws the door open, he is horrified]
Hank: Failed.
[everyone stops and stares]
Hank: YOU ALL FAILED!
Yo: We failed?
Hank: You all got zeros! [at Kyle] Except you; you got a 12.
Kyle: Thank you.
Yo: But that's impossible! We all used a robot's brain!
Chum Chum: Actually, it was Fanboy's brain.
Yo: [her worry replaced with anger] What?!
Chum Chum: Yeah, we left the robot brain at Oz's.
Kyle: You idiots! You had a robot brain?! Why not just put that into Fanboy?
Fanbot: Huh, Um...I guess because then I wouldn't have the...robot claws?
Chum Chum: [jazz hands] Robot claws.
Fanbot: Biddy-biddy?
Hank: [threateningly] YOU. YOU COST ME MY BOUNCY HOUSE!!!
Chum Chum: Uh, Fanbot, I think we'd better roll.
Fanbot: Beep, boop, I agree!
[He launches out of the mob, but lands back in it on another side]
Chum Chum: Uh-oh.
Fanbot: It's a good thing I don't have human emotions, or I'd be very scared right now.
Chum Chum: Uh, Fanbot? I think you oiled yourself. [looks at the oil Fanbot leaked]
Yo: GET HIM!
[Yo and Duke charge for Fanbot]
Hank: STOP!
[they stop]
Fanbot: Phew! Thanks, Mr. --
Hank: I. Get. First. SHOT!
[Everyone begins to attack Fanbot all over]
Chum Chum: Fanbot!
[Fanbot's head detaches and flies out of the mob]
Fanbot: Chum Chum, my brain! Save my precious brain!
Chum Chum: [catches Fanbot's head] How you like me now? [throws head on ground]
Fanbot: Uh, Chum Chum?
Chum Chum: [noticing angry mob of classmates] Oh, right.
[they run out while the mob chases them]

[Back at Oz Comix...]
Chum Chum: OZ! OZ! HELP!
Oz: Hey, Chum Chum. How was the test?
Chum Chum: Not good. There's an angry mob after me, and they want Fanboy's head!
Mob: [repeatedly] We want the head!
Oz: Uh, I have some experience with angry mobs. I once led a run on the Frosty Mart during the Great Not-So-Shortage of '97. So, allow me.
[Oz taps on the bottom of the robot head, releasing Fanboy's brain. He then throws the head into the mob]
Mob: We want the head!
[the robot head lands on Kyle's head and won't come off]
Kyle: How did that happen? [grunts, notices mob] This isn't good.
[Kyle screams and runs away while the mob chases him]

Chum Chum: Phew. glad that's over. Wait. where's Fanboy's brain? [sees seagull poking Fanboy's brain]Shoo, shoo! Dirty bird. Oz, we need to put this back in Fanboy's body.
Oz: Ooh, yeah, about that. I kinda put the robot brain into Fanboy's body, you know, for safekeeping.
Chum Chum: Uh-huh, so...where is it?
Oz: Well, last I saw, uh, Fanboy's body was building a rocket for travel to Mars. Heh!
[A rocket launches]
Oz: Oh, there he goes now! [chuckles] Wow, he's ahead of schedule.
Chum Chum: Oh, no! I'm too late! W-w-where am I going to put Fanboy's brain now?!?
Oz: Hmm, I wish Fanboy's body was here, he'd have a good idea. But we'll think of something!

[Back at the Fanlair]
Chum Chum: Well, that was good. Hey, Fanboy, what do you wanna watch next? Cartoons or wrestling?
[A purple toaster pops up a single slice of bread next to him]
Chum Chum: Cartoons it is! [changes channel]

Previous:
"Fanboy Stinks"
Transcripts Next:
"Berry Sick"

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