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Return to "I'm Man-Arctica!".

[The second season begins with the title card song, then a shot of Man-Arctica on a mountain sending his signal]

TV announcer: And now, the made-for-TV movie..."Man-Arctica: Cool As Ice".
[Man-Arctica leaves the roof and plays his key-tar as the camera zooms out of a TV set to reveal the Fanlair living room. F&C poke their heads up from the couch, excited]
Fanboy and Chum Chum: It's on!
[They press their faces up against the screen]
Fanboy: All right! Now, we won't miss a single pixel.
[There is a knock at the door]
Chum Chum: Oh, no! Someone's at the door! And this is the best part, when Man-Arctica finds out that snow cone is his father!
Fanboy: Ugh! [He and Chum Chum bring the TV over to the door] Hold your horses!

[The door opens to reveal Man-Arctica. F&C do not notice him, due to having their faces glued to the TV screen]
Man-Arctica: Diminutive earth citizen, thank goodness you answered. I've been on the bottom of the ocean all day, battling Sea Anemone.
Fanboy: Yeah, yeah, state your business.
Man-Arctica: Oh, huh, anyway, he trapped me in a giant clam and...let's just say it didn't have an adequate bathroom!
Fanboy: Uh-huh, whatever. Bathroom is back into the left.
Man-Arctica: Oh, thank you, thank you! It's just that I can't [pant] go in a clam that's not my own. [leaves]
[F&C start to bring the TV back to its original place]
Chum Chum: Who is it?
Fanboy: Who cares?

[Man-Arctica flushes the toilet and zips his pants back up. He returns to the living room]
Man-Arctica: Thanks a lot. If you ever find yourselves in my neck of the tundra, feel free to stop by the Igloo of Ice-olation. [starts to leave]
Man-Arctica on TV: Ice to see you.
Man-Arctica: [halts] Hey, is that "Man-Arctica: The Movie"? [sits down]
Fanboy: Shh!
Man-Arctica on TV: I just made it, my jurous diction.
Man-Arctica: Oh, isn't that adorable? These two are your biggest fans! Say, Man-Arctica, why don't you give them a little treat?

[Man-Arctica goes behind the TV]
Man-Arctica: Well, I wish I could stay, but I have to protect the universe from evil thinkers and evildoers. Time to BREAK ARCTIC WIND!!! [blasts out, leaving behind an ice fog, covering the entire Fanlair. This horrifies F&C]
Fanboy and Chum Chum: AHHHHH!!! [swat the fog away]
Man-Arctica: [pokes his head in front of the TV] Huh?
Fanboy and Chum Chum: [simultaneously] What are you doing?/Ahh!/Aye, you gotta,/ahh!/you gotta get-get up, up, away!
Fanboy: [throws Man-Arctica out of the scene] You almost made us miss our favorite part!
Man-Arctica on TV: Time to BREAK ARCTIC WIND! [blasts away, "THE END" is shown on the TV screen]

[The movie is over and the TV turns off]
Fanboy and Chum Chum: [sigh]
Chum Chum: I love it when he does that.
Man-Arctica: I must confess. I'm a little confused. I thought you'd be a little more excited to see me.
[Fanboy and Chum Chum look at each other confused.]
Fanboy: Why?
Man-Arctica: Because, Well, not to toot my own matter-horn, but... [ahem] I'm...Man-Arctica!
Fanboy and Chum Chum: Duh? [laugh hardly]
Man-Arctica: Uhh, I don't understand. What's the source of your merriment?
Fanboy: Because you think you're Man-Arctica! Hey, Chum Chum. This guy thinks he's Man-Arctica.
Chum Chum: [laughing] What a crack-up.
Fanboy: Woo. I'm sorry, what did you say your name was? Backpack?
Man-Arctica: Man-Arctica.
Fanboy: Listen. [Puts his arm around Man-Arctica] B.P., can I call you B.P.?
Man-Arctica: You can call me Man-Arctica, the sub-zero superhero.
Fanboy: Great. B.P. look, we would love to stay and chat, but the new Man-Arctica comic comes out today. So, you are welcome with, or if you wanna stay here, at the casa, there are cold cuts in the fridge. Come on, Chum Chum! Let's break arctic wind!
Fanboy and Chum Chum: Woosh! Woosh! Woosh! [continues as they exit]
Man-Arctica: Psh. This is ridiculous. I don't need to prove myself to two insignificant little boys! [blasts out the roof] I'm Man-Arctica! I save entire galaxies before breakfast!
Fanboy and Chum Chum: [laughing in the distance]
Man-Arctica: Uh...wait up! I wanna show you my birthmark!

[Man-Arctica crashes into Oz Comix]
Man-Arctica: It is I, Man-Arctica. I have come to set something straight!
Oz: Better be my door on its hinges.
Man-Arctica: Ugh.
Fanboy: Hey, Backpack!
Chum Chum: Glad you could make it. Grab yourself a comic. [throws a comic in Man-Arctica's face]
Man-Arctica: [recognizes his picture on the comic] Oh, ah..yes. This face on the comic...look familiar? [smiles at it]
Fanboy: [off-screen] Yeah. We got replica Man-Arctica masks too, Backpack.
[Man-Arcica turns around and sees F&C wearing Man-Arctica masks]
Chum Chum: You can buy them here at Oz's. You should get a new one. Yours looks dirty. And old.
Man-Arctica: Oh! [At Oz] You there! Might recognize you from the last four Man-Arctica conventions?
Oz: I'm sorry. Have we met?
Man-Arctica: Yes, we've met. Ask me any Man-Arctica question you like. ANYTHING that only Man-Arctica would know.
Fanboy: Ooh! Man-Arctica trivia! Can we play?
Oz: Hehe, let's all play!

[Suddenly, the store turns into a game show studio. Fanboy, Chum Chum and Man-Arctica are seated at podiums as the game show, "Are You Man-Arctica?" starts]
Man-Arctica: Huh? What?
Announcer: It's time for everyone's favorite game show...
Audience: "Are You Man-Arctica?"!
Man-Arctica: What is going on?
Announcer: Our first contestant is from the Fanlair, and never met a jar of mayonnaise he didn't like. Give it up for...Fan-Arctica! Our next contestant is in his fifth year of Mr. Mufflin's class, and enjoys slapping his face with his tongue. [Chum Chum demonstrates what is said] Let's hear it for...Chum-Arctica! Our final contestant is confused and probably scared. Please welcome...Bucket!
Man-Arctica: Uh, it's Backpack! Ugh! Man-Arctica!
Announcer: Whatever. And now, hear's our host...Ozwald Harmounian!

[Oz enters]
Oz: Thank you, thank you, and welcome to "Are You Man-Arctica?". The game where I ask the questions about Man-Arctica, and you answer them. Let's begin. For 100 points, what --
Fanboy: [buzzes in] Issue 229: Man-Arctica vs. The Abominable Snowpants.
Oz: Correct!
Man-Arctica: But-you didn't ask a question.
Fanboy: Gotta ba a little quick with the buzzer there, Backpack.
Man-Arctica: Grr!
Oz: For 200 points, where did Man-Arctica --
Chum Chum: [buzzes in] Slapmanulic Community College! Haha!
Oz: Yes!
Fanboy: Oh man, I totally knew that one. Way to go, Chum Chum.

Man-Arctica: Oh, this is ridiculous! How am I supposed to --
Fanboy: Ice to see you! [presses buzzer]
Oz: Right!
Chum Chum: [presses buzzer] Mashed potatoes with gravy!
Oz: Right again!
Fanboy: [presses buzzer] His third grade teacher, Mrs. Underthene! [presses buzzer]
Chum Chum: Fourty-two.
Oz: Wow. Correct again!
Man-Arctica: [pushes F&C away] Ugh!
Oz: You guys are on a roll.

Man-Arctica: Will you please! Just ask me! A question! A full question!
Oz: Very well. For 100 points, Backpack. Man-Arctica's had many battles. However, only one of them took place in the Van Allen Radiation Belt against a kindly old supervillan.
Man-Arctica: Yes, Grandma Ray.
Oz: She knitted him into a giant, cozy sweater whereupon he fell into a deep sleep. My question's for you. What kind of cookies did Grandma Ray bake while Man-Arctica was unconscious?
Man-Arctica: Grr! How am I supposed to know that?!? I was fast asleep --
[Buzzer]
Oz: Sorry, anyone could take it.
[Fanboy buzzes in]
Oz: Hmm?
Fanboy: Oooooh. Uhhhhhh, Chocolate Crinkle?

[Winning sound]
Oz: [gasp] You know what that sound means! You are Man-Arctica!
Fanboy: I'm Man-Arctica!
Man-Arctica: Wha-what?!?
Oz: So, tell us your plans now that you're a Man-Arctica.
Fanboy: Well, I have always felt that the children are a future [Man-Arctica takes him] Ah!
Man-Arctica: I'll tell you what your plans are! They're going to see that I'm Man-Arctica! [blasts away with F&C in tow]
Oz: [pause] Thanks for playing, and we'll see you next week on...
Oz and Audience: "Are You Man-Arctica?"!
[The credits roll. We cut to Hank, who was watching the show]
Hank: I love this show.

[Meanwhile, Man-Arctica is flying F&C to his home planet]
Fanboy and Chum Chum: [screaming and laughing]
[They arrive at the Igloo of Ice-olation]
Man-Arctica: Still don't believe I'm Man-Arctica? [clap, clap]
[The lights in the Igloo go on.]
Man-Arcica: Behold!
Fanboy and Chum Chum: Ooooh!
Man-Arctica: The Igloo of Ice-olation! Secret lair of me, Man-Arctica! [echo] My table where I eat my Man-Arcticrunch cereal. See who's on the box? Me! Man-Arctica! My bed, where I sleep on limited edition sheets of me, Man-Arctica! What do you have to say, now?
Chum Chum: Mmm, if you ask me, a real Man-Arctica fan would have the matching duvet, but that's just me.

Man-Arctica: Okay. I didn't wanna do this, but you leave me no choice! [presses remote, setting off an alarm. A slot in the floor opens and reveals Global Warmer frozen in a tube, that F&C stick their faces to] Behold! My mortal enemy.
Fanboy: Wow. Backpack, you know Global Warmer?
Man-Arctica: Urrgh! [turns tube around] Global Warmer.
Global Warmer: Present.
Man-Arctica: If I -- [Pulls F&C off the tube] released you from this icy prison, who is the first person you would destroy?
Global Warmer: Ooh, that's an easy one. Man-Arctica.
Man-Arctica: Very well, than. [presses remote] DESTROY ME!
[Horrible music plays as the tube melts, releasing Global Warmer]
Global Warmer: Ooh! My horoscope said that today was my lucky day! Let me just warm up my Humidifryer. [chuckles]
Man-Arctica: That's it! Bring it! This will show em.

Chum Chum: [comes in holding one of Man-Arctica's underwears] Hey! Look what I've found. A pair of underwear that has "Man-Arctica" written on it.
Fanboy: Hey, I recognize that handwriting. There's only one person with that distinctive closed-loop "A". Man-Arctica's mom, Mom-Arctica! Chum Chum, do you realize what this means?! It means we really are inside...the Igloo of Ice-olation!
Chum Chum: Cool! But...where's Man-Arctica?
Man-Arctica: I'm right here!
Fanboy and Chum Chum: Man-Arctica?!
Man-Arctica: You-you see that...I'm Man-Arctica?
Fanboy: [jumps into Man-Arctica's arm] Are you kidding? You're Man-Arctica!
Chum Chum: [jumps into Man-Arctica's other arm] Look at that chiseled chin. We'd know you anywhere.
Man-Arctica: [crying] Oh, thank you. Thank you!
[Man-Arctica opens the front door as F&C walk out with merchandise in hand]
Chum Chum: Wow! I can't believe that we have met the real Man-Arctica!
Fanboy: Yeah! We had an awesome time. Thanks for freeze-blasting my hand, I hope the feeling never returns.
Man-Arctica: My pleasure. Come back anytime. [closes door, F&C head for home]
Chum Chum: I'm glad I took his thermite underwear! It's lowly that it's gonna keep my face from freezing!

Man-Arctica: Ah, nice kids. Hope they make it home before the seven years of night.
[Global Warmer suddenly approaches]
Global Warmer: Ahem. Remember me?
Man-Arctica: Oh, Global Warmer! You're still here.
Global Warmer: Bibbity, Bobbity, Boo! [Fires up humidifryer]
Man-Arctica: No, you've got the wrong guy! My name is Backpack! I -- [grunting]
[Fireworks go off from inside the Igloo as they battle. F&C continue to walk home as the episode ends]

Previous:
"Freeze Tag"
Transcripts Next:
"No Toy Story"

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