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Return to "Fanboy Stinks".

[Scene opens at the Fanlair]
Chum Chum: [voiceover] Bleh! No, that's not it. [sniff, sniff]
[at this point, Chum Chum is shown. He is rummaging through the fridge]
Chum Chum: [singsongy] Horrible stench? Where are you? Hmm, maybe it's this cottage cheese. [sniffs] YEEEEEEUUUGGGH. [at the camera] Smells like that cheese died in that cottage.
[Fanboy walks by in the foreground]
Fanboy: [humming] What'cha doin', my pocket-sized amigo?
Chum Chum: Some horrible smell woke me up this morning, and I'm trying to figure out where it's coming from.
Fanboy: A horrible smell, you say? Is...THIS the reek you seek?!? [reveals he's dirty all over]
Chum Chum: UGH! You smell like if a foot and brussels sprouts had a baby [his eyes well with tears, due to the bad smell]...who pooped its diaper.
Fanboy: And how! You see, Chum Chum, modern man has forgotten what the caveman once knew: Stink goooooood! [sees a hose of water] Ah! What are you doing?!
Chum Chum: [with hose] I'm trying to hose off the stink!
Fanboy: Ee, ah! Wah! Water no touchy! Ah! No washy! Water bad! I'm shooting for the world record: Longest time without taking a bath! Okay?
Chum Chum: [turns off hose] Okay! Then if it's all right with you, I'm gonna keep my face in this. [sniffs, then sticks his face into cottage cheese] Oh, yeah, that's better.

[Cut to the cafeteria at school. Five seagulls are attracted to Fanboy's stink]
Fanboy: Pleh! What is it with these gulls?
Chum Chum: Well, you smell like a dead crab.
Fanboy: [sniffs arm] With a hint of butt. [starts to grab milk carton]
Chum Chum: [sees something growing on Fanboy's hand] Hey, what's that on your hand?
Fanboy: Ewwww, I'm growing mushrooms. [at the camera] I am dis-gust-ing! Whoo!
Chum Chum: UHHH! I gotta take this off! [takes off nose] OOOOOOOOH! It's no use. I can smell you through my ears! [leaves]
Fanboy: Okay, smell you later!
Chum Chum: [offscreen] Not if I smell you fir -- [Chum Chum vomits]

Fanboy: Time for some liverwurst. [with mouth full] It's got a real bite. It tastes worse than it smells.
Voice: Psst.
Fanboy: Huh?
Voice: Hey! Pally! You want to break me off a piece of that?
[Fanboy looks over and sees that the right glove of his suit has became self-aware]
Suit: Clothes got to eat too, over here, come on!
Fanboy: Whoa! Suit, you're alive! But how?
Suit: You know that old saying, "You don't wash that suit, it's gonna walk around by itself"? That's me! Call me Stinks.
Fanboy: Wow! Nice to meet ya, Stinks!
Stinks: Old Stinks here's a little hungry, you know what I'm sayin'? [at Chuggy] You think that kid over there will share his sandwich with us?
Fanboy: Ehhhh, ewwww, I don't know. Chris Chuggy always cleans his plate. Rumor has it, sometimes he even eats his plate.
Stinks: You could convince that kid of anything! You got charm coming out the strazool!
Fanboy: [sheepishly] Eh-heh-heh-ho. I have to say, Stinks, you are one flattering suit.

[They sneak over to Chuggy]
Chris Chuggy: Ah...
Fanboy: Hey, Chris!
Chris Chuggy: Er?
Fanboy: Ahem. My -- mmm, suit -- and I were wondering if you'd share --
Chris Chuggy [angrily] Wah, wah. Whoooaaa.
Stinks: Oh, don't want to share, huh? [spits stink into Chuggy's face] How do you like that?
[Chuggy sniffs the stink and is so grossed out, groans, then his face and arms sink into his body and he rolls out]
Fanboy: Wo-ow!
Stinks: [laughing] What'd I tell you, pal? Now let old Stinks here have a taste. [he eats sandwich]
Fanboy: Hey, they have pudding. I wonder if they'd like to share too...
Stinks: Let's find out.

[They go over to Lupe, Michael and Nancy]
Fanboy: Hey, guys. Haaaave you met stinks?
[Stinks releases his stench. Nancy and Michael are so grossed out they jump into Lupe's mouth and Lupe flies them away]
[At a table where three cheerleaders are sitting]
Fanboy: Helloooo, ladies! [uses a megaphone to release stench]
Cheerleaders: Ehhhh!
Cheerleader 1: Gimmie an ewwww.
Cheerleader 2: Two, four, six, eight! I think I might regurgitate! Bleh.
Cheerleader 3: Let's gooooo away!
[they constantly form pyramids as they jump out]
Fanboy: [with mouth full] Wow, Stinks, this is incredible! It's like people see us in a whole new way, maybe because their eyes are watering.
Stinks: Hey, we're just gettin' started. To the good life.
[they raise milk cartons as a toast and drink]
Fanboy: Ew, it's curdled. AHHHH.
Stinks: Yeah, you get used to it.

[In the classroom...]
Hank: Homework, please, homework, please. Turn in your papers.
Fanboy: [gasp] Oh, no! I forgot my paper.
Stinks: Don't worry about it, I'll take care of it.
Hank: Papers.
[Stinks waves his stench in front of Hank, causing his eyes to roll]
Stinks: You don't need to see our papers.
Hank: I don't need to see your papers.
Stinks: You think you'll go grab 40 winks in the teachers' lounge.
Hank: I think I'll go grab 40 winks in the teachers' lounge.
Fanboy: Uh, wearing this pretty hat.
Hank: Wearing this pretty hat. [leaves humming]
Fanboy: Yeh! So what was that? Some sort of stink-eye mind trick?
Stinks: Yeah, something like that. I call it the...Fuhgeddaboutit! [laughs]

[In the hallway, Chum Chum sees a banner reading "CHARITY BAKE SALE TONIGHT!"]
Chum Chum: The Charity Bake Sale's tonight?! I'd better get started on my pecan log.
Nancy: Uh, Chum Chum? Maybe this year you shouldn't make your pecan log. We still haven't been able to get rid of last year's.
[Janitor tries to use Brenda's crane to pick up last year's pecan log but fails]
Poopatine: The force is strong with this pecan log.
Chum Chum: Oh, you're right. We need a fresh pecan log! I'm on it! [leaves]

[Fanboy is walking down the hallway with Stinks]
Students: Gross!/Ew!/Whoa!/Grody!/Ruined!/It's disgusting!
Fanboy: [seeing Chum Chum run] Hey, Chum Chum! You'll never believe what happened to my suit!
Chum Chum: No time to smell: pecan log!
Fanboy: Chum Chum doesn't know what he's missing, stinks. I'm having the time of my life! And I'm learning so much.
Stinks: Yeah, you done good, kid. Now it's time we cook up...a bake job!
Fanboy: A bank job?
Stinks: No. [sees bake sale ad] A bake job. You see this bake sale? We're gonna rob it! We'll be up to our wrists in pastries. [laughs]
Fanboy: Rob? Question: isn't that like stealing? Uh, and then a follow-up question: Isn't stealing wrong?
Stinks: [laughs] You're funny, flatsie. You amuse me. Like a clown.
Fanboy: Heh, yeah. You know what might be funnier than robbing the bake sale? If we just...Fuhgeddaboutit? [laughs nervously]
Stinks: You turning squirrelly on me?
Fanboy: Me, squirrelly? Don't be silly. [acts like a squirrel and eats an acorn]
Stinks: Why, you... [knocks acorn away] You gonna come along with me on these things I have to do or what?!
Fanboy: Heh. Sure thing, Stinks. Heh, heh. I'm your right-hand man.

[Later...]
Stinks: Okay, listen up. Since you never done a bake job, I'll keep it simple. First, we blanket the area in stink, clearing out any potential witnesses. Then, we empty out the cupcake table. Then, we move over to assorted breads and puffs. And on our way out, we hit the big-ticket item: Hello, pecan log! You think you can handle that?
Fanboy: Uh, well, actually --
Stinks: Good! I gotta hit the little hand's room before the job.
Fanboy: Whew. [gets dragged] Ah!
[Both Stinks and Fanboy enter the men's room]
Stinks: Oh, I work alone here! [knocks Fanboy out]
Fanboy: Gah!

[Stinks hums from inside the men's room. Chum Chum struggles by with his newly made pecan log]
Chum Chum: [grunting]
Fanboy: Chum Chum! I'm so glad you're here. My suit came to life, and it's making me rob the Bake Sale. I need your help!
Chum Chum: Good news!!! I put plugs in my nose and my ears so I can't smell you! Isn't that great?!
[Chum Chum repeatedly exhales and inhales, showing the plugs. He continues struggling]
Fanboy: [loudly] Chum Chum! You don't understand. We got to stop the suit!

[Stinks comes out of the men's room. He isn't very happy now]
Stinks: Stinks never figured ya for a rat, kid.
Fanboy: Me, a rat? Don't be silly. [acts like a rat and eats a slice of cheese]
Stinks: Guh. [knocks cheese away] Why you...let me clear out your ears so you hear this real good. [repeatedly cleans Fanboy's ears]
Fanboy: Hey, that's not comfortable.
Stinks: Now, you listen here, flatsie. I call the shots. And anybody don't like it gets whacked.
Fanboy: Uh, whacked?
Stinks: [whacks Fanboy] I'm a hand, I whack things! Now, don't make me whack ya again!
Fanboy: Okay.
Stinks: That's a good boy. Now let's go. [drags Fanboy]
Fanboy: Ah!

[That night at the Bake Sale in the hallway...]
Fanboy: [thinking] Why, why, why didn't I wash my suit? Then stinks wouldn't have come to life. [gulp] Ooh, my throat is dry. Oh, a drinking fountain. Oh, wait. That's the crazy fountain that sprays me. [normal] Hmm...
[Flashback to a time Fanboy got repeatedly sprayed by the fountain]
Fanboy: [gets sprayed] Who? [gets sprayed again] WHO?!? [gets sprayed yet again] Ah! Oh, you!
[End of flashback]
Fanboy: [thinking] That's it! That water fountain's so crazy, it just might work!
Stinks: Oh! Snap out of it! It's almost showtime.
Fanboy: I'll show you! You're all washed up, Stinks!
[Fanboy presses the trigger of the crazy fountain, but the water comes out normally]
Fanboy: Wha? Where's the crazy spray?!
Poopatine: I think you'll find the water fountain is fully operational.
Fanboy: But -- but--
Poopatine: You're welcome. [holds nose and leaves]
Stinks: So, you was tryin' to get me to go clean, huh? Of all the dirty tricks. [drops Fanboy]
Fanboy: Dah!
Stinks: Well, nobody tries to rinse Stinks out, we're robbing this joint whether you like it or not! [grabs Fanboy]
Fanboy: Ah! You're getting that pecan log over my smelly body, Stinks!
[They begin to wrestle]

[Back to Chum Chum]
Chum Chum: [grunting] I got my pecan log! [puts pecan log on Nancy's booth] It's really dense this year.
[The log breaks off part of the booth]
Chum Chum: [whispering] I ran out of sand, so I used gravel instead.
Nancy: Great, Chum Chum. Why don't you put it over there?
[Chum Chum pushes the pecan log, grunting]

[Back to Fanboy and Stinks]
Stinks: [tugs Fanboy's nose] Give it up.
[Chum Chum grunts and puts the pecan log on Lupe's booth. It seesaws down, sending Lupe up high into the air. She lands, sending the pecan log flying. It hits the crazy water fountain and the water in the pipe sprays out and hits Stinks]
Fanboy: [sighs]
Yo/Kyle/Duke/Nancy: [chewing]
Fanboy: Guh...
Stinks: Oh, no! My beautiful dirt! It's gettin' rubbed out! [coughs]
Fanboy: Forgive me, Stinks. I didn't want it to end this way. It's just...I wanted to smell bad, not to be bad.
Stinks: [wheezes] Hey, kid. [motions to him to come forward] Fuh...fuh...geddaboutit.
[Stinks faints to the ground and vanishes from Fanboy's glove. The stink from Fanboy comes off and absorbs into the puddle, turning into a dirty puddle of stink]

Fanboy: [lowly] I'll never forget ya, Stinks. [inhales, normal] Well, I'm glad that's over.
[Everyone admires Fanboy as he is all shiny and clean now]
Chum Chum: Hey, your stink's gone! I guess that means no world record!
Fanboy: That's okay, Chum Chum. I have a backup: Most days without brushing my...teeeeeeth!
[Chum Chum gags as the stink from Fanboy's teeth knocks the plugs out of his nose and ears. He can't take it]
Fanboy: Come on, buddy, I'll take you home.

[They leave. Unbeknownst to them, the stink puddle, noticed by everyone, flows over to Poopatine, who is trying to fix the water pipe]
Poopatine: Ohhhhhh.
[The stink puddle gets under Poopatine's feet, which grow faces. Stinks is back, and he laughs mainically. This is, however, Poopatine's problem now lol]

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"Digital Pet Cemetery"
Transcripts Next:
"I, Fanbot"

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