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Return to "Fan vs. Wild".

[Scene opens with the title card song, then a shot of the main 3 walking down the street. They are wearing explorer's hats, carrying backpacks and have a rope tied to belts on their waists. They are going camping together]

Kyle: I can't believe I'm going camping with Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Doof.
Fanboy: Oh, I long to gaze upon that majestic mountain peak as it beckons like some kind of pointy super hill...thing.
Chum Chum: [at the camera] Nature brings out his inner poet.

Fanboy: There she is, boys: Great Frosty Mountain!
[Yodeling is heard as we see a shot of the Frosty Mart with clouds surrounding it. Then, a record scratch sound is heard]
Kyle: That's the mountain we're going to climb?
Fanboy: [hugs the left of Kyle] If the mountain guard deems us worthy.
Chum Chum: [hugs the right of Kyle] And Lenny doesn't swat us off with a broom again.
[They let go of Kyle]
Kyle: Are you two completly bonkers?
Fanboy: So, whaddya say, Sir Edmund Chummery? Shall we try a north place assent?
Chum Chum: I am feeling kind of intrepid today.
[F&C detach the rope from their belts and Fanboy throws it to the peak of the Mart's roof]
Kyle: [doesn't notice he's still attached to the rope] No, no, no. I'm not going camping on a convince store - oh! [gets dragged with the rope onto the roof]
Chum Chum: Belay on! [He and Chum Chum constantly pull the rope, causing Kyle to bump the top of the roof next to the enterance]
Kyle: Wait! Woah! [bonk] Ooh! Ow! [bonk] [bonk] [bonk] Ow! My soft bones! [gets dragged up the roof] Woaaaaaow!
Fanboy: Whoa, Kyle! You summit like a champ.
Chum Chum: If you come across any bears, play dead.
Kyle: [peaks at them from the peak and spits out some roof parts] It won't be a stretch. [disappears into the snow on the roof]

[Meanwhile, inside the Mart, Lenny is humming while stacking soup cans. He suddenly hears F&C clamp themselves to the window and climb up]

Lenny: Ugh, not again! [goes outside and sees them climbing up to the roof] You're not getting up there this time, I got a new extending broom. Ha-ha! [starts swatting the broom at them]
Fanboy: Quiet, Lenny. Don't you know not to shout in avalanche country?
Lenny: This isn't avalanche country! This is a convenience store! [hears rumbling] Uh-oh. [Screams ant tries to run, but gets covered in snow]
Fanboy: He knew the risks.

[F&C hold onto their rope and climb up to the top of the roof. Suddenly, the roof is transformed into an epic winter wilderness, with heavy snow and fogs. F&C finally reach the peak and see Kyle, now realizing what they said earlier]

Fanboy: Well, what did I tell you, Kyle, isn't it glorious up here? [goes over to a vent and sniffs the disgusting smoke coming out of it] Ah! Breathe that fresh mountain air!
Kyle: That's the vent from the men's washroom, simpleton.
Fanboy: [listens to him and inhales deeply] Mmm. Lemon pine fresh.
Chum Chum: [stomach grumbles] This high altitude's making me hungry.
Fanboy: Well, you're in luck, 'cause I think I smell something. [sniff] Yes. It's a pack of wild burritos. I'll see if I can flush them out in the open. [goes over to the peak and starts to sing a call]
Fanboy: Bah-ri-to! Ba! ba! ba! Bah-ri-to!
Kyle: What are you doing?
Fanboy: [over] Ba! ba! bah-ri-to!
Chum Chum: Fanboy is trained in the art of snack calls.
Kyle: [rolls his eyes and groans] Fanboy: Bah-ri-to!
Chip? Chip! chip! chip! chip!
Chip? Chip! chip! chip! chip!
Hot dog! Hot dog!
Kyle: Ni-ni-ni-nincompoops.
Fanboy: Uh, that call's not gonna work, Kyle. The nincompoops have already flown north for the winter.
Kyle: Perhaps I'll join them. Good-bye. [leaves]
Fanboy: But, Kyle, you'll miss out on all the fresh-cooked burrito. [hears flapping] Look! Here they come!
[A pack of flying burritos appear and start toddling around in the snow]
Fanboy: Oh! they're slippery today.
[They start flopping around, trying to catch them]
Fanboy: [catches one] Ho-ho! I got a real beauty.
Chum Chum: [measures the burrito to see if it's okay to keep] Oh, yeah. That's a keeper.

[Meanwhile, Kyle heads over to the peak of the roof where they first entered]
Kyle: Now to spelunk my way back down. [ties his rope around the pole of the roof] I'll tie my best knot, test it with a quick tug. [tugs on the rope, but suddenly lets it fly away from him] Huh? [watches the rope go down to the road] Oh, sheepshank.
[F&C come over and greet him. Chum Chum is carrying burritos in hand]
Fanboy: Kyle! You decided to stay!
Kyle: Hardly. Do you have a long pole? I seem to have dropped our rope.
Fanboy: [jaw drops] Gah!
Chum Chum: You dropped our rope?

[The main 3 look down and see that the rope to come down is now on the ground. Depressingly, the roof returns to its normal state]

Fanboy: It's way down on the valley floor! I can almost see it.
Kyle: Well, of course you can see it, it's only eight feet away.
Fanboy: [grabs Kyle, stopping him from falling off the roof] Oh! not so close. We are not about to let you plummet to your doom.
Kyle: [Flops Fanboy away] What are you talking about? All we need is a long stick or a medium-sized umbrella. [spies something] Ooh! [picks up a small bendy straw and straightens it] This just might work. [He puts on an idea smile, then sticks the straw down as far as his arm can reach] Come hither? Oh, I wish I had my wand. [grunts]
Fanboy: Poor dumb kid, he doesn't even realize the danger we're in. I'm gonna have to go for help. [leaves]

[The roof has returned to wilderness mode as Fanboy trudges up a part of it]
Chum Chum: [dragging on Fanboy's cape] Fanboy, no! No! It's too dangerous!
Fanboy: It's our only chance! If memory serves, there's a village on the far side of that pink mountain, just above the shoe outlet. If I start now, maybe I can reach it by nightfall, before the wolves come.
[Chum Chum stares as wolves are heard in the distance]

[Meanwhile, Fanboy is climbing across the icicles on the edge of the roof monkey bar style. Suddenly, the big one he reaches begins to break]
Fanboy: Whoa! whoa! whoa! hey! [the icicle breaks and falls to the ground] Whoa! whoa! whoa! whoa! whoa! Whoa! whoa! whoa! [grabs onto a pole to save himself. He squeezes his eyes shut, worrying what will happen to him. Suddenly, his fingernails slow him down. He safely arrives at the ground, eyes still closed. There is a pause, then...]
Yo: [Off camera] Hi, Fanboy!
[Fanboy opens his eyes and sees Yo next to him, drinking a Frosty Freezy Freeze]
Yo: What'cha doin'?
Fanboy: Yo, I am part of an alpine expedition that is stranded on Great Frosty Mountain!
Yo: Stranded? [sips] That's terrible! [sips, then offers him the drink] Want a sip?
Fanboy: I would, but cooties. Now, I need you to go! Get! Help! Can you do that?
Yo: Yes!
Fanboy: [pats Yo's head] That's a good girl. Now, one last thing, can you give me a boost?

[Back on the roof, Chum Chum has attached Kyle to a long stick and put it on poles. He is trying to start a small fire to keep Kyle warm]
Chum Chum: [trying to rub two rocks together] Fanboy!
Fanboy: I-I saw Yo. She's going to try to get us help.
Kyle: You saw Yo? Why didn't you just have her hand us the rope?
Fanboy: [jumps onto Kyle] The ropes are gone, man! They're never coming back! You need to let it go! [constantly starts smacking Kyle's face]

[A tomato soup can from nowhere flops onto the roof. Oz's voice is heard]
Oz: [from the can] Come in, stranded campers! Stranded campers, please respond! Over!
[Fanboy stops smacking Kyle and hears the voice. He smacks Kyle one last time before he and Chum Chum grab the can and slam into a pack of snow. Only Fanboy's mouth is visable as he speaks into the can]
Fanboy: Oz? Is that you? It's us, Fanboy and Chum Chum!
[On the ground, Oz is holding another can as Yo, Lupe, Cher, Duke and Chuggy listen]
Kyle: [from the can] And Kyle! I too, am in peril!
Oz: Everyone, I've got them on the line!
Everyone: Yay!
Oz: Okay, here's the thing. We're gonna get you down, but you're gonna have to do exactly what I say and follow my instructions to the letter.
[On the roof, now in normal mode. F&C listen to Oz through the can]
Oz: [from the can] Now, I want you to look around. [F&C look around] Do you see any large inflatable two-person slides?
Kyle: [off camera] Three-person. And, no.
Oz: [from the can] Well, then, we're gonna have to improvise.

[A montage starts of the main 3 following Oz's instructions as the roof returns to wilderness mode. Chum Chum carries over a heat vent and Fanboy removes a wire pole. That was the pole for the TV inside. The TV turns off, leaving Boog upset. F&C use another pole to reveal a shopping cart in the snow. Kyle grunts as he carries a small, but heavy screw. Oz continues to give orders. Chum Chum does some hammering. Fanboy does some sawing and bolt tightening. Fanboy and Chum Chum then pull a string possibly a la raising a flag. Oz uses a compass on the blueprint while giving more orders. Through a blueprint, we see Chum Chum hammering, Fanboy tightening a bolt, F&C pulling a string a la raising a flag, and Fanboy blow-torching a piece of wood as the montage ends]

Fanboy: [He and Chum Chum take off their blowtorch masks] There it is, Oz. We've got the final crossbar attached.
Oz: And the...leg bolts are tightened?
Fanboy: Yes. So, what is it?
Oz: Well, if you built it exactly to my specifications, it should be a crude but workable two-man rescue helicopter.
Kyle: [from the can] Three!
Fanboy: Mmm. [zoom out revealing a collector's case they built] It looks a little more like a lighted display case with chrome accents.
Oz: [realizes what they built] Oh, these must be the plans for remodeling my shop. Oops! [chuckles]
Fanboy: But this can get us down, right, Oz?
Oz: It can do a lot but not that. I'm sorry, boys, but you're at the mercy of the mountain now.
Kyle: What?! [angrily takes the can] Is that all you have to say, you ham-scented geek?
Oz: [embarrassingly un-threads the can] Hello? [rattles can] Hello! [rattles can and drops] I'm afraid we've lost them and the display case. [cries]

[Back on the roof, it is snowing harder as Fanboy trudges through the snow]
Fanboy: Claws, keep, going, in the cold. [arrives at the case where Chum Chum and Kyle are shivering badly] Well, I managed to find some collectibles. [puts them in the case one by one]
Chum Chum: It's a little better anyway.
Kyle: Cold, so very cold.
[Fanboy puts the last collectible in the case and closes it. The main 3 stare at it while shivering]

Chum Chum: Fanboy, is this the end?
Fanboy: I'm afraid so, little buddy...
[Both stare sadly at each other, their eyes full of luster. They run towards and tearfully hug each other, crying]
Chum Chum: I just want you to know you're the best friend anyone could've ever hoped for!
Fanboy: Not better than you, little buddy! I'll never forget you!
Chum Chum: And I'll never forget you!
[They distance themselves a bit and turn towards Kyle, who is feeling a little left out. Coughing is heard in the distance]
Fanboy: [pause] Oh, and of course Kyle! We can't forget him.
Kyle: [holds each of their hands] Indeed, yes, good, show. Uh, all the way around.

Fanboy: Boy, Chum Chum, can you believe after all we've been through, this is where it ends?
Chum Chum: Yeah, we had some good times, didn't we?
Fanboy: Boy, it feels like just yesterday we met...
[Flashback to preschool where they were very little]
Baby Fanboy: [toddles towards and waves at Chum Chum] Hi!
Baby Chum Chum: [pokes Fanboy's left eye] Eye!
[End of flashback]
Fanboy: We were so innocent...
Chum Chum: Fanboy! Your glass eye!
Fanboy: You're right. I never really thanked you for that.
Chum Chum: No! Your eye! [taps on Fanboy's left eye, revealing that it's glass] It's the answer!
Fanboy: It is? [gasp] Of course! It's so obvious! Why didn't I think of it sooner? Come on! [he and Chum Chum leave]

Kyle: Wait, what are you doing? [goes over to a pole where F&C are] How is a glass eye going to save us?
Fanboy: If I can get just the right angle, [pats the back of his head hard enough, releasing the glass eye] the sun will cut through this sign, and we can use it to get down.
Kyle: Great idea...EXCEPT YOU NEED THE SUN FOR THAT, YOU IDIOT!
[The glass eye shoots a laser at the pole]
Kyle: [At the camera] Or, maybe you don't.
Fanboy: Timber!
[The sign falls down to the ground, creating a pole slide that the main 3 slide down]
Fanboy, Chum Chum and Kyle: [Simultaneously] Woo!/Wee!/Whoa!
[The sign then returns to its original spot]

[On the ground, the gang is happy that they're on the ground again]
Fanboy and Chum Chum: We made it! We made it! We made it! We made it! We made it!
Kyle: Oh, sweet sea level. How I missed you. [kisses road]
Fanboy: We made it! We made it! Well, pretty good camping trip, eh, Chum?
Chum Chum: Yeah, I really liked that part where we celebrated in the parking lot. [pause] The rest is a little foggy, though.
Kyle: Foggy?! We danced with death! I shall carry a mental picture of this horror forever! [saunters away, leaving F&C disgusted. The "picture" part then pops something into Chum Chum's head]
Chum Chum: Pictures? Ooh! Make sure you get doubles! [he and Fanboy catch up with him]
Fanboy: Oh! Oh! Oh! Wait for us!

Lenny: [Groans as he sees the main 3 heading for home] Now stay off my roof! [echo]
[Another pack of snow covers Lenny]
Lenny: [wimpering] [The case smashes onto him] Ow!
[Yodeling is heard as the episode is finished.]

Previous:
"Fanboy A'Hoy!"
Transcripts Next:
"The Incredible Shrinking Fanboy"

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