[Scene opens showing a close-up of a tongue in a jar. This tongue turns out to be Fanboy's tongue. We zoom out to see him trying to lick the smallest bit of mayonnaise from the jar. Yo enters]
Yo: Fanboy! You're my last hope! I need someone to watch my cat tonight, because my cousin's coming over, and she's allergic! Please, you got to help me! YOU GOTTA HELP ME!!! [sobs]
Fanboy: Uh, sure Yo, We'll watch your cat, We love animals. Right, Chum Chum?
Chum Chum: Mm-Hmm, And they said you'd never fly. [Show him making a pig fly]
Fanboy: So, where's your cat?
Yo: Right here! [Yo holds up a digital game with a cat in it] His name is Scampers. Ooh.
Chum Chum: I don't think Scampers has hatched from his cat egg yet.
Yo: Oh, silly Chum Chum. Scampers is one of my Yamagutchi digital pets. See? All you do is press the buttons to play with him, clean him, or feed him. [As she says this, she presses the buttons on the unit, showing Scampers playing a game of tennis, having a bath, and eating a cupcake, followed by a flip] It's soooo easy! He'll beep to tell you what he needs.
Fanboy: Fear not, Yo, You can count on us.
Yo: Thanks guys! [Starts to leave, but comes back, she speaks in a serious manner] However, make sure you take good care of Scampers, Otherwise he'll power down... [Mimics the death of a digital pet, then happily] Well, see ya! [Skips out]
[Fanboy and Chum Chum look on with confused stares as Yo closes the door, then Fanboy starts pressing the buttons. Scampers eats a cupcake, and does his trademark flip. We zoom in on Scampers, who meows happily] Chum Chum: [Pressing the "cupcake" button on Scampers' unit] He sure like cupcakes.
Fanboy: But we can't overfeed him, Chum Chum. Remember what Yo said.
Chum Chum: Then we'll just play with him. [Presses another button. Suddenly, we hear a long beep] Oh, look, He made a little digital poop.
Fanboy: Whoo-hoo! Time to clean his litter box.
[1000 beeps later]
[In the living room, while F&C are watching TV. After so many meows, the Yamaguchi starts to vibrate]
Fanboy: [presses the "cupcake" button] sighs] How many cupcakes can one cat eat?
[In the kitchen, as the boys read comics, Scampers poops again]
Fanboy and Chum Chum: [sniff, gag]
Fanboy: Oh, Scampers, that's a two-beeper!
[That night at bedtime. Fanboy can't resist the beeping and meowing now. He starts whimpering, then he explodes with rage]
Fanboy: [furious] THAT! IS! IT!!!!!!!
[He angrily walks up to Scampers]
Fanboy:[frustrated] You want a cupcake? HUH?! FINE! Have a cupcake, Have a billion cupcakes!!! [he repeatedly presses the "cupcake" button]
Chum Chum: Huh...[shocked] FANBOY! No!
Fanboy: Eat them! EAT THEM! [laughs evily]
Chum Chum: No! [smacks Fanboy with a pillow] GET A HOLD OF YOURSELF!
Fanboy: [snaps out of it] Huh? Oh. Sorry, Chum Chum, I don't know what happened. [Chum Chum smiles] I just -- I snapped. [faints]
[Chum Chum holds up the Yamagutchi unit. He is shocked. On the screen, a dead Scampers is lying on his back as a "power down" noise is heard]
Chum Chum: Oh, no! Eh-eh-eh-Sca-amper-ers! He...[gasps] powered down!
Fanboy: What? NOOOOOOOO!!! Live, Scampers. Live! One, two, three! [inhales on Scampers] One, two, three! [inhales again] One, two, three! [inhales yet again]
Chum Chum: Fanboy, it's too late.
Fanboy: I killed Yo's pet! This can't be happening. Oh, this can't be happening! THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING!!!!!!!!!!
[Chum Chum smacks him with the pillow again]
Fanboy: Okay, you're pushing me from denial to anger, real fast.
Chum Chum: [voice quivering] Isn't there any way we can bring Scampers back?
Fanboy: Maybe there is...
[At Oz Comix. Oz is sharpening the blades on a viking hat]
Fanboy: Oz, we need your help! What are you doing? [slides on the sharpening wheel] Whoa! [crashes]
Oz: I am preparing my costume for this year's Norse Con, an untethered celebration of all things viking. [he flexes his muscles]
Oz's Mom: Ozvald, I made you cupcakes!
Oz: [munches on cupcakes] Thanks, Mom.
Fanboy: Oz, I accidentally --
Chum Chum: Huh?
Fanboy: Well, sort of accidentally, powered down Yo's Yamaguchi. [Chum Chum shows Oz the dead Scampers] I feel awful, Oz! Can you fix it?
Oz: Hmm. Hmm. Did you jiggle the battery?
Oz: I'm sorry. It is beyond even my immensely awesome powers to heal.
[F&C groan disappointedly and start to leave for home]
Oz: HOWEVER --
Fanboy and Chum Chum: Huh?
Oz:...legend has it that there is a place where one can bury the digital deceased, and they will mystically reboot to life.
Fanboy and Chum Chum: [whimpering]
Oz: It's located on the edge of town, by that old tree that looks like a foot. HOWEVER -- hmm?
[F&C are not here anymore and the door is open, showing they've left]
Oz: Uh, don't you wanna hear about the seriously evil side effect? Eh.
[Scene shifts to the graveyard, with the foot shaped tree that Oz was talking about]
Fanboy: This -- looks like the place. Did you bring the shovel?
Chum Chum: I thought you brought the shovel.
Poopatine: I have a hole that would be just right for both of you!
[Fanboy and Chum Chum scream]
Fanboy: Oh, it's just Janitor Poopatine.
Chum Chum: Poop...
Poopatine: I came to bury my flashlight! But it turns out I just needed to jiggle the battery. Eh? [shakes flashlight] Anyway, there's the hole, happy burying.
[Fanboy and Chum Chum go over to a grave known as the Digital Pet Cemetery. Chum Chum kisses the deceased Scampers and throws him into the grave. Then, he and Fanboy cover the grave up with dirt and jump on it. As they leave for home, lightning flashes as a digital hand sticks out of the grave]
[Back at the Fanlair...]
Fanboy and Chum Chum: [snoring]
Chum Chum: [hearing a weird noise] Fanboy, did you hear that?
Fanboy: Yeah, it's coming from the front door. Come on.
[They sneak down to the door and turn on the light. They open the door, acting like ninjas, only to get the biggest surprise. Scampers is alive again, only as a digital zombie. Scampers howls demonically]
Chum Chum: You're okay!
[Scampers makes a confused face. Fanboy and Chum Chum laugh as Chum Chum grabs him]
Fanboy: Now that you're back, we're gonna show you the best time ever, Scampers! Come on! Let's play.
[F&C begin repeatedly tossing Scampers back and fourth]
Chum Chum: [giggles] Yay, Scampers! Fanboy, go long.
[Chum Chum tosses Scampers so far. Scampers screams and he lands in the toilet. Sparks fly, and smoke puffs. Inside the toilet, the submerging Scampers is floating in the water]
Chum Chum: Walk it off, Scampers.
[F&C bury Scampers again]
[Scampers throws the door open]
Fanboy and Chum Chum: Scampers! You're okay!
[Scampers roars savagely]
Fanboy: We're happy to see you, too, little buddy. I'm so stoked, I could krunk. [dances] Heh-eh-uh-eh-ah. Got to krunk, krunk, krunk.
Chum Chum: I'm so stoked, I could dance in my oversized novelty clogs! [yodels as he stomps. Scampers tries to avoid the shoes. We zoom in on the scared Scampers]
Fanboy: Got to krunk, krunk, krunk.
[Chum Chum accidentally stomps on Scampers, powering him down. They bury him once more]
[Scampers drills a cat-shaped hole in the door and goes inside. He roars ferociously]
Chum Chum: You're okay!
Fanboy: And just in time to help us hang our new ceiling safe.
[Fanboy accidentally drops the safe on Scampers, powering him down]
Fanboy and Chum Chum: Ew.
[Chum Chum rides his bike to the Digital Pet Cemetery and throws Scampers into the grave]
[This time, Scampers carefully opens the door and sneaks inside and closes the door. He smiles with relief. The lights go on, F&C have made a cake]
Fanboy and Chum Chum: Surprise!
[Scampers groans and collapses, powering down as his screen shows a flat line. Fanboy and Chum Chum look at Scampers, confused]
Chum Chum: I'll get the shovel.
[Later, F&C are playing a video game when Scampers arrives]
Fanboy: [not so thrilled] Scampers.
Chum Chum: [not so thrilled] You're okay.
[Scampers jumps and begins to plow onto Fanboy, but he grabs him]
Fanboy: Aw, does somebody wanttums a hug?
[Scampers waves his arms wildly and snarls]
Chum Chum: Uh, Fanboy, does Scampers look um...different to you?
[The Scampers monster continues flailing his arms throws Fanboy on the floor and picks him up]
Fanboy: Hmm? He lost weight, maybe?
[Yo enters. She isn't very happy now]
Yo: [angry] WHAT DID YOU DO MY SCAMPERS?!?!?!?!
Fanboy: [still held up by Scampers, who looks confused] What?
Yo: You turned my [makes a cute face] adorable kitty into an [angrily pointing] EVIL DIGITAL ZOMBIE!!!
Fanboy: Eh-heh. As if.
[Scampers finally puts Fanboy down and scratches his head]
Fanboy: Ohhhh, I see what you're getting at...
[Fanboy's head breaks up and lands on the floor]
Fanboy: AAAAAAAHHHHH! EVERYBODY, RUN!
[Everyone runs up the stairs, but Scampers has beaten them there. They scream, then jump into the bathroom]
Fanboy/Chum Chum/Yo: [panting]
Fanboy: Shh. I think he's gone.
[Scampers punches the door and meows to them as if saying "HERE'S SCAMPERS!!!" a la The Shining]
Fanboy: Looks like this is it, Chum Chum. Sorry I got you into this.
Chum Chum: That's okay, Fanboy. I didn't have anything else to do.
[Scampers begins to approach them when Oz smashes in]
Oz: In the end, there can be only one. [yells like a viking]
[Oz yells as he runs up to Scampers, who also runs up to him and growls. When they meet up, Oz smashes Scampers with his mallet, powering him down for the last time. He poses proudly with his mallet on the ground, one leg on the crushed Scampers and one hand on hip]
Chum Chum: Let's go bury it again! Yay! [Fanboy and Yo glare at Chum Chum] I mean...boo!
Fanboy: Oz, how did you know we were in trouble?
Oz: I was coming to show you my sweet viking costume when my horns picked up a distress signal.
Yo: Why didn't you just use the door?
Oz: It's called making an entrance. Duh.
[Fanboy and Chum Chum laugh]
Oz: So, Yo was all like, "Why didn't you use the door?" And then I said, "It's called making an entrance, babe."
[Fanboy and Chum Chum laugh]
Yo: [with disdain] Yeah, Oz. we remember.
Fanboy: The important thing here is that it's all over.
[the lights get dark and the TV glows weirdly]
Chum Chum: Did someone turn on the TV?
[Fanboy, Oz and Yo hide behind the couch. Scampers, now bigger than ever, comes out of the TV a la The Ring. He roars loudly and viciously]
Chum Chum: Oz, do something!
Oz: Can't -- talk! Soiling self!
Fanboy/Chum Chum/Yo: Ew.
[Scampers grabs everyone and growls as they scream and whimper]
Oz's Mom: Ozvald! [turns on light] You forget cupcakes, honey.
[Scampers gets peppy and he is now friendly and hops over to Oz's Mom]
Fanboy/Chum Chum/Yo: Aw! Scampers loves cupcakes!
Oz's Mom: [the friendly Scampers licks her cheek] Oh, woo-hoo-hoo-hoo! Oh, boy, you're a big vone, aren't you? Ooh-hoo!
[Later, they all eat cupcakes]
Oz: And then I said, "It's called making an entrance, babe." Heh!
Poopatine: Yes, so you keep saying.
Chum Chum: [holds a cupcake for Scampers] Oh, ya want some?
[Scampers tries to eat the cupcake, but Chum Chum keeps it away from him]
Fanboy: Chum chum, you sure you wanna tease Scampers like that?
Chum Chum: Yes, I am!
[Scampers eats Chum Chum whole and burps out his underwear]
All but Chum Chum: Oh, Scampers! [laughter]
[Cut to the exterior of the Fanlair and zoom out slowly]
Chum Chum: [from inside, laughs] Real funny; now get me outta here!
"The Hard Sell"