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Return to "Buddy Up".

[Episode opens with the title card song, followed by a lesson on the blackboard on how to get your license revoked]
Hank: A-and, that's why I can only drive to and from school. In other news, today is our field trip to the Dinosaur Museum! [Shows newspaper reading "Mufflin's class goes dino"]
[All but Kyle cheer]
Hank: Now, in light of what happened on last month's field trip to the glue factory...
[Fankylechum is glued to various school supplies]
Fankylechum: I blame myself, for straying from the group.
Hank: We will be instituting a Buddy System for safety.
[F&C come forward and blow whistles]
Fanboy and Chum Chum: BUDDY SYSTEM IN EFFECT! BEST BUDS! BUDDY...UP!
[All but Kyle rush to the front of the room. Kyle just stays where he is, wimpering while the other kids choose their buddies. F&C come toward him]
Fanboy and Chum Chum: Hey, Kyle! [pause]
Fanboy: Ooh, you don't have a buddy, huh?
Kyle: Of course, I have a buddy. He's right, uh...uh...
[He scans the line of buddies then stops on Chuggy]
Chris Chuggy: Wha -- [hugs cactus] Wah-wah.
Chum Chum: Don't worry, Kyle. We'll be your buddies.
[F&C blow whistles]
Kyle: AAAHHH!
Fanboy and Chum Chum: BUDDY UP!
Fanboy: ROLL CALL! CHUM CHUM!
Chum Chum: HERE! FANBOY?
Fanboy: HERE! KYLE!
Kyle: What are you thimble-wits doing?
Fanboy: THE BUDDY CHECK! THE MOST IMPORTANT PART OF THE BUDDY SYSTEM!
Chum Chum: THIS DRILL CAN SAVE YOUR LIFE! [at Fanboy] FANBOY, HAS KYLE CHECKED IN YET?
Fanboy: NOT YET! WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO SOUND THE ALARM!
[Fanboy turns on an alarm which makes the lights go out, but the searchlight doesn't see Kyle]
Kyle: I'm right here, you idiots!!
[The searchlight sees Kyle and the lights go back to normal]
Fanboy: All right, Buddy Check completed. All buddies present and accounted for.
Chum Chum: You gave us quite a scare there, Kyle.
Kyle: I have agreed to be your field trip buddy out of sheer desperation. But I refuse to be part of your ridiculous "Buddies System".
Fanboy: Oh, Kyle, Kyle, Kyle.
Chum Chum: Kyle, Kyle, Kyle, Kyle, Kyle, Kyle.
Fanboy and Chum Chum: [inhale] Kyle, Kyle, Kyle, Kyle...
Kyle: What?!
Fanboy: We were like you once. "Oh, psh, it's a field trip. Who needs a buddy? We're big boys, we can take care of ourselves." Oh, how naive we were...

[Flashback to F&C younger]
Baby Chum Chum: Field trips are fun.
Baby Fanboy: And safe.
Baby Chum Chum: I'm just gonna wander over here, all by myself, and toss a penny into the wishing well.
Baby Fanboy: I'll just stray over here and watch this fluffy cloud. Oh, that one's shaped like a giant hammer.
[Baby Chum Chum drops a coin into the wishing well and a bear comes out, attacking him. Baby Fanboy is also attacked by the hammer cloud]
[End of flashback]

Chum Chum: And that's how I lost...THIS! [shows toy hook]
Kyle: [gasps] Huh?!?
Chum Chum: My toy hook hand! I had to wrestle that bear for an hour to get it back!
Fanboy: Think about it, Kyle. How many toy body parts can you afford to lose?
[Kyle looks at them, then...]
Kyle: [at the camera] Let's just get on the bus.

[Meanwhile, Hank is driving the bus through the desert]
Hank: [chuckling]
[In the back, F&C have walkie talkies]
Fanboy: Purple Rain to Orange Julius, what's your 20? Over.
Chum Chum: Orange Julius to Purple Rain, I read you loud and clear, I am currently on the bus. Brace-face, do you read? What's your 20?
Kyle: Oh, I don't know. I think I'm... [widen to reveal him sitting between F&C] Right here between you!
Fanboy: [pause] No need to shout. We're right here with you. Do you copy?
Kyle: [flatly] Yes, I understand you perfectly.
Fanboy: Please use the proper terminology.
Kyle: Uhhhh! 10-4.
Chum Chum: 10-4 what?
Kyle: 10-4...Good...Buddy.
Fanboy: Ah, Rodger that. Good to have you back with us.
[They put the walkie talkies away]
Kyle: [pause] That does it! I'm changing my seat. [tries to stand up but can't] Wha -- why are we tied together?
Fanboy: Because we only have one parachute!
Kyle: [pause] Oh, this is ridiculous! I'm detaching myself from you two cretins immediately! [pulls a cord]
Chum Chum: Wait! That's not the Buddy Cord!

[They fly out of the bus into the desert on the parachute]
Fanboy/Chum Chum/Kyle: Whoa!
[They land]
Fanboy: That was the ripcord.
Kyle: You don't -- say. [gasp] THE BUS!
[The bus leaves without them while F&C wave]
Kyle: Now look what you've done! We're stranded in the middle of the desert!
Fanboy and Chum Chum: With our buddies!
Kyle: But, we're hopelessly lost!
Fanboy and Chum Chum: With our --
Fanboy: Wait. Do we have our buddies?
[F&C blow whistles]
Fanboy and Chum Chum: BUDDY UP!
Fanboy: ROLL CALL! CHUM CHUM!
Chum Chum: HERE! FANBOY!
Fanboy: HERE! KYLE!
Kyle: [pause] I detest you.
Chum Chum: Kyle's here! We're good!
Fanboy: Oh, thank goodness. For a second I was worried. [hears vultures] Hey, look! Vultures!
Chum Chum: I bet they know where the food is! Let's follow them.
[F&C walk under the vultures in circles saying "ahh" for several seconds]
Kyle: [in his head] Oh, I've gotta get away from these dingbats. As long as they can see you, they'll follow you. Hmm... [takes out wand] Makemeus Invisiblis! [turns invisible] Now, to tiptoe away... [takes a few steps]
Chum Chum: BUDDY ALERT! BUDDY ALERT!
Fanboy: Where's Kyle?
Chum Chum: [sees Kyle's footprints and gasps] I found his last set of tracks! He must have stopped here!
Fanboy: Send out the Buddy Flare!
[Chum Chum hits the invisible Kyle with a flare]
Kyle: Ahh!
Fanboy: Nothing! Use the Buddy Pole!
Chum Chum: [takes out a pole] Kyle! If you can hear us, GRAB THE POLE! [hits Kyle]
Kyle: Ahh! Ooh! Eh!
Chum Chum: It's not working! [throws pole onto Kyle]
Kyle: Unh!
Fanboy: Fling the Buddy Acid!
[Chum Chum opens a flask of acid and is about to throw it when Kyle turns visible]
Kyle: Here! I'm here!
Chum Chum: Oh, thank goodness! Because.... [sigh]
[Fanboy blows a whistle while Kyle screams]
Fanboy: BUDDY UP!
[The acid spills all over Kyle]
Kyle: Ahh!
[Kyle's body disintegrates into pieces]

[Much later. It is hotter than before as the main 3 lie on the ground]
Kyle: Oh, what are we going to do? There's no way out of here! [pause] Wait a minute. Why didn't I think of this before? I'll just use my wand and zap us all out of here! [tries to find wand] Where did my wand go?
[On Fanboy, holding Kyle's wand. Fanboy is grunting and giggling like a caveman while Kyle makes a disgusted face]
Chum Chum: Oh, boy. Fanboy turned into a caveman. Happens every time he gets too much sun.
[Fanboy breaks Kyle's wand]
Kyle: My wand! This isn't happening, I must be delirious!
[Fanboy gestures to Kyle to sniff his hand]
Kyle: Oh, no! I'm not smelling your hand!
[Fanboy growls]
Kyle: Oh, fine. One sniff. [sniffs Fanboy's hand] OHH! [coughs, retches]
[Fanboy giggles]
Kyle: Chum Chum, do something to control this cretinous cro-magnon.
[Chum Chum is turned into a caveman, too]
Chum Chum: Bud-dy. Bud-dy. Buddy, buddy.
[F&C begin babbling to Kyle]
Kyle: Stop it, you two! Focus! We've got to work on getting --
[BONK! Fanboy hits Kyle's head with a club, knocking him out]
Fanboy: Buddybuddy.
Chum Chum: Ooh, buddy.
Fanboy: Buddybuddy. Buddy. Buddybuddy --
[Chum Chum hits Fanboy's head with a club, knocking him out]
Chum Chum: Buddy, buddy, buddybuddy, buddybuddybuddy --
[BONK! Chum Chum gets hit with a club]

[Kyle wakes up]
Kyle: Huh? What? Wait a minute...if Fanboy's dragging me...and Chum Chum's dragging him...then, what's dragging Chum Chum? [sees a dinosaur dragging them] D-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-DINOSAUR!
Fanboy/Chum Chum/Kyle: [scream]
Kyle: [pushes F&C to the dinosaur] Here! [runs]
[the dinosaur chases Kyle and corners him at a cliff]
Kyle: Help! Help! Somebody help me! Huh. [sees the dinosaur's mouth watering] Oh, I guess this is the end. [into walkie talkie] This is Kyle Bloodworth-Thomason signing off. 10-4, Good Buddy?
[Scene shifts to Fanboy and Chum Chum, who heard the message. They babble. BONK! They hit their heads, returning to normal]
Fanboy: Kyle! You got Fanboy.
Kyle: [from the walkie talkie] HELLLLLLLP!!!!!
Fanboy: Buddy Alert! Buddy Alert!
Chum Chum: Our buddy's in danger!
[F&C jump into the walkie talkie]

[Back to Kyle]
Fanboy and Chum Chum: [from the walkie talkie] BUDDY UP! [they jump out of the walkie talkie] We're here!
[the dinosaur roars saliva in their faces]
Kyle: Oh, thank goodness. How do we get out of this? What's the plan?!?
Chum Chum: Huh? Uh, there's no plan. We're just here for our buddy.
Kyle: So, we have no way of escaping from this beast?
Fanboy: Looks like we're gettin' eaten!
Fanboy and Chum Chum: As...buddies!
[The dinosaur roars once more]
Chum Chum: What do you say to one last Buddy Up?
Kyle: [sobs] Oh, why not? If I must perish, I can't think of two more deserving people to perish with me!
Chum Chum: Aww, that's so sweet.
[Kyle takes out a whistle and blows it]
Kyle: Buddy...Up.
[The main 3 raise their hands high and hold them tightly. Suddenly, the dinosaur holds their hands as well]
Fanboy/Chum Chum/Kyle: Huh?
Chum Chum: The dinosaur wants to be our buddy, too!
Dinosaur: [growls] Buddy?
Fanboy: See? We told you the Buddy System could save your life!
Chum Chum: [baby talk chattering] Who's a good dinosaur?
[They all laugh together as the dinosaur stomps happily, which suddenly breaks the cliff they're on]
Fanboy/Chum Chum/Kyle: Uh-oh...
[the cliff breaks]
Dinosaur: Uh-oh...
[they fall and scream]

[Back to the bus. Hank is driving everyone home]
Hank: Pssh. Those museum dinosaurs were nothin' but bones. I wanted to see a dinosaur with a little moxie. You know, like that big one fallin' out of the sky towards us right now -- AHHHH!
[The main 3 and the dinosaur are falling towards the bus]
[CRASH!]
Dinosaur: Uh-oh.

[Later, at dusk...]
Hank: Field trip's over. Time to hit the road! Is everyone here?
[Widen to reveal everyone on the dinosaur's back]
Everyone: Yeah!
[F&C blow whistles one final time]
Fanboy and Chum Chum: BUDDY UP!
Everyone: BUDDY UP!
[Grunting is heard. The dinosaur opens his mouth to reveal Kyle]
Kyle: Can't I ride on the back of the dinosaur like everyone else?!
Fanboy: Ah-dat-dat-dat! Stay with your buddy, Kyle.
[Kyle reaches up to the roof of the dinosar's mouth and pulls down a skull head]
Kyle: [gasps]
[The dinosaur closes his mouth]
Kyle: Urg!
[The dinosaur walks everyone home into the sunset]

Previous:
"Camp-Arctica"
Transcripts Next:
"Normal Day"

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