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Return to "Battle of the Stands".

[Scene opens up on a curb, Fanboy and Chum Chum carry out several supplies. Fanboy puts a table on the ground and both lay out a tablecloth. Chum Chum sets up some paper cups while Fanboy puts out a punch bowl. Chum Chum puts lemons in Fanboy's mouth and pumps his arm, using him as a lemon juicer. Fanboy pours in the sugar while Chum Chum adds the ice cubes. They finish by putting up a lemon sign, signifying the opening of their lemonade stand]
Chum Chum: So, what do we do now?
Fanboy: Just sit back and wait for the money to roll in.

[Fanboy puts out an empty jar. They sit and wait, a tumbleweed rolls by]
Narrator: 1 hour later...
[they still sit and wait, another tumbleweed rolls by]
Narrator: 3 hours later...
[fade to a view of the sun]

Chum Chum: Aw, we've been out here soooo loooong.
Fanboy: Ugh, and it's so hot!
Chum Chum: [at the camera] And we still haven't sold any lemonade!
Fanboy: Yeah... [reveals that he and Chum Chum are sitting in the punch bowl] But it sure is keeping us cool!
Chum Chum: And just think about the natural juices we've added to the lemonade!
[they laugh]
Fanboy: Chum Chum, that's it! "Natural juices"! We need to add more natural juices to our lemonade! [looking at the empty jar] That's got to be the only reason why we haven't sold any. [farts in the punch bowl] Chum Chum, let's juice up our lemonade-da!
Chum Chum: Juicy juice!
[they run off]

[later...]
Fanboy: Pickle juice, for flavor.
Chum Chum: Mmm. Spray cheese for Vitamin D.
Fanboy: Nice! Beard juice for manliness!
Chum Chum: Ooh! Toy juice for fun!
Fanboy: And comic juice for ze pow, boom!
[the "juices" bubble in the punch bowl]

Fanboy: Perfect. Chum Chum, with our new juicy secret lemonade recipe, we'll have to fight off all the customers.
Narrator: Fall...
Fanboy: [nervous laugh] F'all the customers. [nervous laugh]
Narrator: Winter...
Fanboy and Chum Chum: [teeth chattering]
Fanboy: I mean, who doesn't like lemonade in winter? [nervous laugh]
Narrator: Spring...
Fanboy: Any minute now, Chum. I can feel those customers c-c-coming.
Narrator: Summer...

Chum Chum: [twitching] I! CAN'T! TAKE IT! [whines]
Fanboy: I don't understand it! We have a high-traffic location...
[reveal the street they're on is quiet, save for a car honk]
Fanboy: Quality product...
[reveal the punch bowl, all that remains is a sock in green goop with flies]
Fanboy: Competitive pricing, and a state-of-the-art cash register...
Dollarnator: Hey, it's a team effort.
Fanboy: WHY ARE THERE NO CUSTOMERS?!?!?
Chum Chum: I don't know, maybe we should ask Lupe and Yo.
Fanboy: What could they possibly know about it?!
Chum Chum: Well, their stand seems to be doing pretty well.
[reveal another lemonade stand where Yo and Lupe are at. Michael is seen paying for lemonade, and the girls giggle as they put their money in a jar while horror music plays. Fanboy is outraged]
Fanboy: WE'LL JUST SEE ABOUT THIS!

[Fanboy rides Chum Chum to the girls' lemonade stand across the street]
Fanboy: Who put you up to this?
Lupe: Hi, Fanboy!
Yo: Hi, Chum Chum!
Fanboy: Don't "Hi, Fanboy" me!
Chum Chum: Hi, Lupe.
Fanboy: Don't "Hi, Lupe" her! [at Yo] What is the big idea, putting a lemonade stand on our corner?
Yo: Fanboy, I'd love to chat, but we have a lot of customers who were here before you.
[reveal the long line]
Lupe: Yeah. So, if you could please go to the back of the line?
Fanboy: I'm not going ANYWHERE till I get some ANSWERS!
Hank: You heard the little lady, back of the line!
[Fanboy looks back and forth at Hank and the camera three times, growls and stomps off with Chum Chum]

[Cut to a close up of a screen reading "82", it changes to "83"]
Lupe: 83. 83?
[Fanboy, holding a ticket, stamps his foot impatiently]
Lupe: Okay, 84. 84?
[Fanboy looks at Lupe, then his ticket, then at Lupe]
Lupe: All righty then, 85.
Fanboy: [gasps happily, slams ticket on counter]
Yo: May I help you?
Fanboy: What's the big idea, putting a lemonade stand on OUR corner!?
Yo: I know! isn't this a great location?
Chum Chum: It's OUR location!
Lupe: Your location for what?
Fanboy: OUR LEMONADE STAND!
Lupe: [looks around] I don't see it.
[Fanboy points to his and Chum Chum's lemonade stand behind them, it collapses]
Yo: Is it behind that collapsing outhouse?
Chum Chum: It's folksy!
Yo: Ohhhh, like a ghost town.
Lupe: Now, what was it you say you wanted? Medium or large?
Fanboy: We...are not here...for your lousy...LEMONADE!
[Hank and Lunch Lady cram knock the boys away and line up]
Hank: I'll take that large.
Lunch Lady Cram: Yeah! I'll take one, too!
Lupe: Thank you, come again.

Fanboy: Now, you listen to me. You have no right to be on this --
[Hank drops coins in the jar, making the rest of Fanboy's dialogue inaudible]
Lupe: Thank you, come again.
Yo: I'm sorry, what?
Lupe: It is coordinate.
Chum Chum: He's trying to tell you, that we were here first, so --
[Lunch Lady Cram drops coins in the jar, making the rest of Chum Chum's dialogue inaudible]
Lupe: Thank you, come again. Good, huh?
Yo: Sorry, sweetie. You're gonna have to speak up.
Lupe: Thank you, come again.
Fanboy: You need to --
Chum Chum: We're trying to tell you --
[coins drop]
Fanboy: We have worked too hard --
Chum Chum: The only work we --
[coins drop]
Fanboy: Chamber of conference will not --
Chum Chum: We really have --
[coins drop]
Fanboy: Do you mind?!
Lupe: Oh, jar is full. [takes jar away]
Fanboy: Phew. Thank you. Now, I am only going to say this, once. You --
[Lupe is shown dumping the coins into a wagon, making Fanboy and Chum Chum's dialogue inaudible]
Chum Chum: ...said this last!
Fanboy: ...for you!
Yo: [gives them a cute look] So, what you're saying is...you want your lemonade in flowery cups. [gives cute look]
[Chum Chum starts to scream, but Fanboy stops him]
Fanboy: Actually, yes. We would. [takes cup] BUT WE'RE NOT PAYING FOR IT!
[they laugh evilly as they run back to their own stand across the street. Yo looks at her jar]
Chum Chum: Psst! [puts coin in jar]

[At the boys' lemonade stand...]
Fanboy: Dollarnator, come on! So, what's their secret? Why are they selling so much lemonade?
Dollarnator: Don't rush me! It's a process! Good rags. [sniffs] Nice bouquet. [scans lemonade] Identifying component ingredients: Artificial lemon flavoring, sugar substitute substitute, imitation water. Analysis...
[Dollarnator beeps for a few moments as the boys giggle mischievously, Dollarnator spits lemonade on them]
Dollarnator: Horrible!
Chum Chum: I don't understand. If it's so bad, why do they have so many customers?
Fanboy: That's what we're gonna find out.

[the boys and Dollarnator spy on the girls' stand behind a bush]
Chum Chum: Fanboy, what do you see?
[Fanboy puts his hands up like binoculars and makes whirring noises as he focuses on the girls]
Yo and Lupe: Here you go! Heeheeheeheehee!
[Fanboy focuses on Hank and Miss Olive]
Hank: Aren't they the cutest little things you ever did see?
Miss Olive: Well, they're just precious!
Yo and Lupe: Heeheeheeheehee!
[Fanboy focuses back on the girls as they dance]
Yo and Lupe: Heeheeheeheehee!
Fanboy: Of all the low-down, dirty --
Chum Chum: What, Fanboy?
Fanboy: They're adorable.
Yo and Lupe: Heeheeheeheehee!
Fanboy: Go ahead and laugh, ladies, 'cause revenge is a dish best served cute.
[Fanboy and Dollarnator laugh manically as the camera zooms in on Chum Chum, who gives a rather cute look]

[Dissolve to the girls' lemonade stand, the boys bring their stand right next to it]
Lupe: Hey, what are they up to?
Yo: Lupe, cuteness forward! [pushes Lupe's face front]
Lunch Lady Cram: [offscreen] Aw, isn't he cute?
Yo: Aw, thank you! Hmmhmmhmmhmm! Wait a minute. "He"?
[A crowd is at Fanboy and Chum Chum's lemonade stand, Hank babbles]
Yo: Excuse me! Coming through! Out of my way, old man!
[they look down to see Chum Chum giving a rather cute look. He is holding Fanboy, disguised as a baby]
Fanboy: [laughs] Baby.
Crowd: Awwwwww!/Ohhhhh!
Poopatine: Aw, he doesn't scream when he sees me. That's adorable.
Chum Chum: Shh, I think he's about to say his first words.
Fanboy: [takes off pacifier] Ba...wha...BUY OUR LEMONADE!
Crowd: Awwwwww!/Ohhhhh!
[they run up to the stand]
Hank: I'll take that large.
Lunch Lady Cram: Yeah! I'll take one, too!
[the jar fills up with coins]

Chum Chum: Oh, thank you. Thank you, good people. You're too kind.
Yo: Hold it right there! That's not a real baby!
Chum Chum: Oh -- uh -- uh -- ye -- oh -- clearly, she's been working under the sun too long. Of course this is a real baby. Look!
[Fanboy sucks his thumb to prove it, the crowd is confused]
Yo: Oh yeah? Ye -- Well, I can prove he's not a real baby because of this --
[Fanboy cries]
Yo: And just look at his --
[Fanboy cries again]
Yo: And his stupid-looking --
[Fanboy cries once more]
Chum Chum: Is the mean girl making you cry?
Fanboy: Mmm-hmm.
Poopatine: [offscreen] Well, that girl is just nasty.
Hank: Well, I am not buying any more lemonade from any girl who makes a baby cry!
[Fanboy and Chum Chum giggle]
Yo: BUT HE'S NOT A BABY!
Hank: [offscreen] Looks like a baby to me.
Lunch Lady Cram: [offscreen] If that's not a baby, I don't know what is.
[Fanboy and Chum Chum giggle again]
Yo: Okay, then. Well, I suppose if he is a baby, he wouldn't want to read... [pulls out a Man-Arctica comic] ...a first edition Man-Arctica comic!
[Fanboy begins to fidget]
Chum Chum: Don't do it, Fanboy. You already have twelve of those at --
Fanboy: MAN-ARCTICA!
Chum Chum: -- Home.
Fanboy: Oh, Man-Arctica's -- ohh, look at the colors -- ohh, it feels so good! Ohhh... [laughs]
Hank: A-a-ahem!
Fanboy: Oh. Uh...goo, goo, gaga?

Hank: You're not a real baby!
Fanboy: Noooo, but I can explain. Because...um...well... [rips Yo's hair off her head] THIS ISN'T YO'S REAL HAIR!
Crowd: Ew!
Yo: Oh, yeah?! Well...Chum Chum's left leg isn't real!
[Chum Chum's left leg springs]
Crowd: Ew!
Lupe: [laughs]
Chum Chum: Oh, yeah? Well, Lupe's really a robo-droid, being operated by a much smaller Lupe!
[Lupe's head sinks, then rises to reveal a smaller Lupe in it]
Mini Lupe: Ay! Pay no attention! Pay no attention! Ay! Pay no attention!
Crowd: Ugh!

Fanboy and Chum Chum: [laughing]
Yo: THAT'S IT! UGH! You and your stand are going down!
Fanboy: Oh, yeah, what are you gonna --
[the girls jump on them, starting a big ball of violence which smashes both lemonade stands]
Hank: [offscreen] A-a-ahem!
[the fight stops, Yo punches Fanboy one last time]
Fanboy: Oh, hey, guys.
Poopatine: What a pathetic display.
Hank: We are taking back our money, and spending it somewhere more respectable!
Lunch Lady Cram: Hey! Like that Frosty Freezy Freeze stand across the street!
[Pan over to Dollarnator at a Frosty Freezy Freeze stand where the boys' lemonade stand was at the start of the episode]
Dollarnator: Next, please.
Fanboy/Chum Chum/Yo/Lupe: Dollarnator?
[the crowd runs to the stand]
Dollarnator: Come on, guys. Lemonade was so three minutes ago.

Previous:
"Eyes on the Prize"
Transcripts Next:
"Lord of the Rings"

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