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Return to "A Very Brrr-y Icemas".

Part 1

[It is Icemas Eve. We see the inside of a store window, with the M.O.R.K. perched on a stand]

Fanboy: [off-camera] Oh, Mega Octo Rocket Kracken. [We now see Fanboy. He is outside the store swooning over the M.O.R.K. He sighs] I've been wanting to look at a real M.O.R.K., But the stores have been sold out for months! Alright, guys! That's a wrap.
[A bell rings. Scene zooms out to show the "store" was just a set at the Fanlair, with Dollarnator making fake snow. After the set strikes, Chum Chum comes into the scene and looks at his watch]
Chum Chum: [gasp] Look at the time! We have to get down to the Frosty Mart and make our Icemas wish!
Fanboy: You're right!
[They tug down on their Icemas hats, launching them into the air]
Fanboy and Chum Chum: Man-Arctica, here we come!

[They fly out the door. Scene shifts to the Frosty Mart. It is snowing, while the kids walk in. Inside the Frosty Mart, everything is decorated for an Icemas party. Kids are waiting in line to go up a huge attraction to see Man-Arctica. At the top of the attraction, Hank, dressed as Man-Arctica, has Retchy sitting with him. He holds a Wishsicle for him to wish into]
Hank: Now, speak into the Wishsicle and tell Man-Arctica what you want for Icemas. [Pushes a button on the Wishsicle, activating Wish mode. He holds it toward Retchy]
Retchy: Please, Man-Arctica sir, can I just have a single lump of coal? I'm frightfully cold.
Hank: Oh, I'm sorry. It's toys only. I'll tell you what, How about a toy train with nothing but coal cars? Hmm?
Retchy: Oh, bless you, sir!
Hank: [Chuckles]
Retchy: Bless us! [Going down the slide] Everyone!!!
Hank: Aww, what a nice kid. [Presses Wishsicle button, turning it blue to represent Nice mode] His blue Wishsicle is going straight to Man-Arctica's workshop.

[Hank sends the Wishsicle up a pneumatic to the right of his chair. Fanboy and Chum Chum come in]

Fanboy: Brrr-y Icemas, everybody! Let's get this wishing started!
[Another kid slides out the door. F&C are about to go up the stairs whan they notice a line]
Fanboy: Aww, look at this line! What if so many kids ask for more than Man-Arctica than Man-Arctica runs out of them?
Chum Chum: Yeah! You should be at the front of the line. You're the nicest kid I know!
Fanboy: Yeah, and I'm the nicest kid I know.
[Chum Chum molds himself into a club, and Fanboy uses him to knock the line away]
Fanboy: Alright, nice kids coming through. Step aside, be nice! If you're not nice, get out of the way!
Chum Chum: You don't have to go home, but you can't stand in front of me!
[They stop. Two different feet stomp into the scene as the image goes to black bars]

Lupe: Going somewheres?
Chum Chum: [gasp] The Nice Girls!
[Lupe and Yo stand in front of F&C and growl]
Lupe: That's right, we're made of sugar and spice and everything nice.
Yo: So, take your place behind our pretty little backs.
[They turn their backs to the boys. The other kids gasp, Lenny hides behind the counter]
Fanboy: Not this time, Yo. We've been nice all year.
Chum Chum: We were seeing-eye boys for a blind dog.
Yo: Oh, you didn't know? We got the dog laser eye surgery.
[They growl at each other]
Fanboy: Well, we're so nice, we're gonna let you go in front of us.
Yo: Oh, no, you don't! We're so nice, you can go in front of us.
Fanboy: [Going up the stairs] A-thank you very much.
Chum Chum: Yeah, so kind. Have a nice day.
[Scene goes back to normal. Yo and Lupe realize something]
Lupe: Did they just -
Yo: And we just -
Yo and Lupe: Aww, that's what we get for being nice.

Chum Chum: Hi, Man-Arctica!
Hank: [gasp] Brrr-y Icemas, Talking Raccoon! And what would you like this year? [Activates his Wishsicle's Wish mode]
Chum Chum: Ahem, lights, please.
[lights turn off, a spotlight shines on Chum Chum]
Hank: Hmm?
[sweet music]
Chum Chum: All I want is for peace to reign on Earth.
Crowd: Aww!
Hank: Aww, ain't that sweet?
[lights come back, rock music]
Chum Chum: So, I will need a bazooka for the final battle between good and evil. Oh! And some stun grenades. But that's just a stocking stuffer.
Fanboy: Hoo! Now, that's a gift.
Hank: [voiceover] Okay, you're next, Purple Kid!
Fanboy: Hey, Man-Arctica! What's a guy gotta do to get some Frosty Noggy Nog around here?
[Lenny gives Fanboy Frosty Noggy Nog. He drinks it, burps, then jumps up, facing the crowd]
Fanboy: Hey, Igloo! Big shout-out!
Crowd: [applause]
Fanboy: Now, I'm gonna make this real easy for you. I want a Mega Octo Rocket Kracken, and that's for Fanboy, with an F, one word, no hyphens, okay? Fanboy out! [Drops Wishsicle]
Crowd: [applause]

Fanboy: [Going down the slide with Chum Chum] Well, that M.O.R.K. is as good as under my tree!
Benjamin: Boy, you really are nice! You didn't even ask for the Super Mega Octo Rocket Kracken!
[F&C come back through the door]
Fanboy: Chicka WHAAA? There's a SUPER Mega Octo Rocket Kracken?!?
Benjamin: Yep, and it's called a S.M.O.R.K.
Chum Chum: That sounds way better than the one you asked for!
[Hank activates Fanboy's Wishsicle's Nice mode and starts to send it up the pneumatic]
Fanboy: No! Wait! Stop that Wishsicle!

Fanboy: [Uses his tongue to take him back up the attraction, then grabs back his Wishsicle] I need to change my order. I want a S.M.O.R.K., I want a S.M.O.R.K.!
Hank: Too late, no changes once you're off the lap.
Fanboy: But, bu -
Hank: If I let everyone re-record their order, we'd be here til Man-Hanukkah! [Freezes Fanboy]
Fanboy: But it'll only take a second.
Hank: Eh, I know.
[Fanboy breaks himself out of the ice. He and Hank wrestle over the Wishsicle]
Fanboy: Wait, please. If I could just - [Accidently rips off Hank's costume]

Crowd: [gasp]
Murphy: Hey, that's not Man-Arctica!
Molly: That's Mr. Mufflin!
Joey: I can see his drawers!
Lupe: I swoon... [faints]
Benjamin: The mystery and magic of Icemas is ruined!
Crowd: [crying]

Hank: Grr!
Fanboy: Soooo...is that a no on the do-over?
Hank: Oh, I'll re-do it for you. I'll change your Wishsicle status from nice, to NAUGHTY! [Presses Wishsicle button, turning it red to represent Naughty mode. He then throws it up the pneumatic, laughing evily]
Fanboy: [gasp] My Icemas will be ruined!
Chum Chum: [off-camera] Not if I can help it!
[Chum Chum surfs down the pneumatic and knocks Hank off. He then shrinks Fanboy to size and throws him up the pneumatic. He shrinks himself and goes up the pneumatic too. Together, they ride the pneumatic to the Igloo of Ice-olation]

[At the Igloo. F&C fall into a vat of Wishsicles. Fanboy comes out, followed by Chum Chum, with Fanboy's wishsicle poking him in the eye]
Chum Chum: Ow! Icicle splinter!
Fanboy: My icicle. Wow, that was easy. [A claw grabs the Wishsicle] Hey! [He and CC get grabbed as well]
Fanboy and Chum Chum: [grunting]
Fanboy: What is going on?
Fanboy and Chum Chum: [grunting, followed by swooning]
Fanboy: [gasp] Man-Arctica's workshop!
Chum Chum: Look at Man-Arctica's helpers! They're berries, and they're blue!
Fanboy: I wonder what they're called.

[The Blue Berries pile some presents then run on them to sing]

(Song: We're the Blue Berries)
Blue Berries: Eee-oh, eee-oh, eee-oh.
We are called the Blue Berries.
[They leave]

Fanboy: Huh. Kinda thought there'd be more than that. [Sees a machine dropping the Wishsicles] Uh-oh. End of the line. Jump, Chum Chum! [They break free]

Chum Chum: [Hiding behind a crystal, sees Fanboy's Wishsicle drop into a cart, then roll away] There it is!
Fanboy: We have to get that icicle.
Chum Chum: But how? They're gonna see we're not Blue Berries!
Fanboy: Good point. Plus, this crystal really isn't hiding us the way I had hoped. [show a weird reflection of them on the other side]
Chum Chum: Look, Fanboy! What is that?
Fanboy: [Spies an ice machine, making Blue Berries] It's some sort of ice machine. That machine makes Blue Berries! [He and Chum Chum peek into the entrance pipe] How bad could it be?

[They jump in and go through the machine. Later...]
Fanboy: Uh, that wasn't so bad.
Chum Chum: Thank goodness it's -
[It's not over yet. They go into the final rinse, then a bell rings. A door opens and F&C step out, revealing the Blue Berry versions of their regular clothing]
Fanboy: Wow! We look awesome!
Chum Chum: [Sucks on his fist] And we taste good, too. You wanna lick ourselves down and do it again?
Fanboy: I very much do, BUT -- we have a job to do.

[They sneak away. At a wish-reading device, a Blue Berry puts a Wishsicle on its scanner to read a wish]
Computer voice: Identify: Joey. Status: Nice. Toy requested...
Joey on monitor: Pony!
Computer voice: Toy request granted.

Chum Chum: Hey, how's it going?
Fanboy: What's up, brother Berries? Is it cool in here or is it just me? [giggles] Ripidee, ripidoo! TGIF, hih? [giggles]
[They bump into the Blue Berry Foreman]
Foreman: You talk funny. Why?
Fanboy: Oh. Uh, that's because we're from the uh...the South Pole.
Foreman: The South Pole?
Fanboy: [western accent, like a hillbilly] Yep, that's right! South Pole. [slaps knee] Woohoohoo! Ya'll got crawdads? Dang, it's chilly up here in the North Pole. [To Chum Chum] Ain't that right, Blue Berry?
Chum Chum: Uh-uh-uh, I-uh-uh, [western accent] yah! South-a-pole. It's-a-good.
Foreman: Hmm. [Checks list] I don't remember requesting any transfers.
Fanboy: [western accent] Well, we could stand here and jibber jabber like two armadillos fighting over a can of flim-flam, but we've got toys to make. [Holds Chum Chum in front of the foreman]
Chum Chum: [western accent] Yah! Makin' wif the toys-n-fluzen!
Fanboy: [western accent] Ha ha. You said it partner. Now, lookie here at all these doohikies. They should be in the thingamabob! Hi-ya! [kicks the cart over, trapping the foreman in it]
Foreman: Ow!
Fanboy: [western accent] Ripidee. That's how we do things South Pole style! [claps]
Chum Chum: [western accent, dances] How to cheer to reach a door, get a beg so we can get this righty, oh, that won't make it the fluer...
Foreman: [throws the cart out of the scene] What are you doing? All spontaneous kicks must be approved through corporate! I'll go get the requisite form. [leaves]
[F&C begin to dig through the Wishsicle pile. Fanboy finally finds his]
Fanboy: Got it! Now, to make my Icemas dreams come true!

[Fanboy presses the button on the Wishsicle. A rewind sound is heard, activating the Re-wish mode]

Fanboy: Uhh, to whom it may concern, umm, Fanboy is awesome, uhh, give him everything his heart desires, including but not limited to, a Super Mega Octo Rocket Kracken, complete with all auxilary weaponry and accessories as well as batteries, hugs and kisses to the misses, Fanboy. [At the camera] Merry Icemas to me.

[Fanboy pushes the button, reactivating the Wishsicle's Nice mode and turning it blue again. He puts it in the scanner, and he and Chum Chum fist-bump each other. Suddenly, AN ALARM GOES OFF! They look up to see a "Warning" sign flash]

Computer voice: Warning! Warning! Commencing lockdown.
[The Wishsicle crains stop moving. The machines stop working. The door to the workshop locks. A lock symbol is displayed over the scanner]
Computer voice: Igloo of Ice-olation is now in lockdown.
[F&C wimper, worried of what will happen]
Fanboy: Huh?
Chum Chum: What the flues is going on?
Fanboy: I reckon I don't know!
[Behind them, Man-arctica rises up and stares, angrily]
Man-Arctica: You two aren't going anywhere!
[Scene zooms to F&C scared as horrible music plays]

Part 2

Man-Arctica: Where do you think you're going... [F&C wimper, horrified] without your mugs of yummy Icemas nog?
Fanboy and Chum Chum: [recieve nog] Uhh...thank you?
Man-Arctica: Okay! You can turn off the alarm! They have their nog!
[The lights go back to normal]
Blue Berry 1: Oh, good!
Blue Berry 2: They have their nog.
Blue Berry 3: Back to work!

Man-Arctica: Well, drink up. You'll need all the energy you can get if we're gonna finish these presents in time for Icemas Eve.
[F&C look at each other confused, then start to drink the nog]
Fanboy and Chum Chum: Ah-ha...
Man-Arctica: Okay, break's over. Back to work we go -- [halts, then sniffs] Hey, [sniffs] you small like mayonnaise. You wouldn't happen to be human, would you?
Fanboy and Chum Chum: [sarcastic laugh]
Fanboy: Human, huh?
Chum Chum: Who knew the boss was such a kidder?
Man-Arctica: [pause] Well, it's a good thing you are Blue Berries, because if you were two boys disguised as Blue Berries I'd have to put you on the permanent naughty list... [A "NAUGHTY!" sign appears behind him on the scanner] FOREVER! FOREVER...forever...forever...
[As this happens, fire is reflected in F&C's eyes as they stare. The scene zooms closer to Fanboy with each echo, while the word "NAUGHTY!" is reflected in Fanboy's eyes with the fire. Pull out to only show Man-Arctica imitating the echo as F&C are horrified]
Man-Arctica: ...Forever...forever...But you don't have to worry about that, cause you're Blue Berries! [hugs F&C]

[Later, F&C are seated at a table packed with teddy bears. Fanboy is very angry]
Fanboy: [angrily] All of our awesome skills, and we get stuck with boring, old teddy bears?!? Did he even read my resume?
Chum Chum: Well, we'd better make these bears as awesome as possible, or they're gonna know we're not Blue Berries.
Fanboy: You're right. Then, let's make 'em the best way we know how.
Chum Chum: With...love?
Fanboy: [laughing] Good one, Chum Chum.
[they split up and work]

(Song: Stuff The Bears)

Fanboy: Stuff the bears with high explosives
Chum Chum: Then, replace their eyes with laser beams
Fanboy: Spitting acid and crosive
Chum Chum: Just make sure their eyes shoot laser beams
Fanboy: Kung-fu grip and foo-foo blasters
Spinning blades, hydrogen
Chum Chum: Laser beams
Fanboy: Now, these bears are built for battle
Chum Chum: That's because their eyes...
Fanboy and Chum Chum: Shoot laser beams!

[The bears' eyes shoot lasers everywhere as the Blue Berries dodge them. One laser even burns the foreman's clipboard.]
Foreman: Dohhhhh!
Fanboy: [sarcastic laugh] Uhh, oops? Maybe we should've made them with love.

Foreman: [Puts the bears in a sack and closes it] If Man-Arctica sees these ticking teddy time bombs, he'll throw us all in the ice chipper! Take these to the incinerator NOW! [Throws the sack, making F&C fall to the ground]
Chum Chum: Eeesh. For a creature made of ice, he's got quite a hot temper.
Fanboy: Chum Chum, look!

[On the wish machine, Fanboy's wish is scanned]
Computer voice: Identify: Fanboy. Toy requested...
Fanboy on monitor: S.M.O.R.K.!
Computer voice: Toy request granted.
[Fanboy's head slowly transforms into a S.M.O.R.K., which a claw grabs]
Fanboy: My S.M.O.R.K.! It's beautiful.
[The claw drops the S.M.O.R.K. into a sack on Man-Arctica's sleigh]

Man-Arctica: Gather round, my precious Blue Berries, because it's finally Icemas Eve!
Blue Berries: Hurrah!
Man-Arctica: Well, it's been a long year, and you've all worked your icicles off. And to show my heartfelt appreciation, I got you all this medium cheese pizza. [shows a pizza in a box]
Blue Berries: Pizza! Pizza!
Man-Arctica: Whoa! [Throws the pizza]
Blue Berries: Pizza! Pizza! [start eating]
Man-Arctica: Easy, that's gotta last all year! Okay. [picks up the sack] Time to deliver these toys to all the good boys and girls of the galaxy. [throws the sack into the sleigh, then sees a bear with a police helmet] Whoops! Almost left without you, little guy. [notices its laser eyes] Oh, and what adorable, red eyes you have.
[F&C peek up from the Blue Berry mob, each with a slice of pizza in their mouths]
Fanboy: [with mouth full] Hmm? Red eyes?
[Man-Arctica drops the bear into the sack]
Chum Chum: Uhh, Fanboy? That couldn't be one of our bears, could it?
Fanboy: Nah! We put all of our bears in this saaaaaaaaack, oh, no! [sees a melted hole in his sack]
Chum Chum: Those bears are filled with boiling acid! I TOLD YOU TO DOUBLE-BAG!
Fanboy: Oh, I'm sorry! I was trying to be green! [throws his sack away]
Man-Arctica: On, Dusty! On, Brady! Hee-ya!
[The polar bears pulling the sleigh growl as Man-Arctica revs the sleigh up]
Blue Berries: Buh-bye!/So long!/Bye, Man-Arctica!/Good luck, Man-Arctica!/Bye!
[The exhaust from the sleigh melts some of the Blue Berries. Man-Arctica takes off]
Man-Arctica: Brrr-y Icemas! [flies out of sight]

Chum Chum: [sees Man-Arctica fly away] Oh no, this is a disaster! [To Fanboy] If Man-Arctica delivers that bear...
Fanboy: I'll be on the naughty list...forever! [echo]
[On the last word, the scene zooms to Fanboy's eyes while fire is reflected, with the word "Forever" visable]
Chum Chum: [acts innocent] But, what about me?
Fanboy: Ah, you're so cute, you get away with everything.
Chum Chum: Yeah, you're right. But right now, we have to get that toy back!

[While talking to an elderly Blue Berry]
Elderly Blue Berry: Uh. Need a polar bear, eh? Well, we only got one left: Ol' Gentle. [points to a sleeping polar bear with a pink ribbon on his head]
Chum Chum: Aw! Such a sweet old --
[Ol' Gentle wakes up and growls, charging at them]
Fanboy and Chum Chum: AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!
[Ol' Gentle can't get close to them enough, because he's on a chain]
Elderly Blue Berry: Course, he's named ironically, heh. Should've mentioned that from the gecko.

[Cut to Benjamin's house. Man-Arctica hums as he comes out of the fridge and he puts the bear under an Icemas Tree]
Man-Arctica: Merry Icemas.
Benjamin: Man-Arctica!
Man-Arctica: Ah! Human child!
Benjamin: Is it really -- [gets frozen]

[Cut to Fanboy riding Ol' Gentle]
Fanboy: Do it great, Chum Chum! He really likes you.
Chum Chum: [as the bait] We're totally switching on the way back! Yow!

[Man-Arctica breaks the ice around Benjamin]
Benjamin: Did ya bring my gift? Did ya? DID YA?!
Man-Arctica: Shh! Well, technically, you're supposed to be in bed with visions of snow cones dancing in your head, but -- what the hay? [presents the bear]
Benjamin: My very own Admiral Fluffington! I can't wait to hold him, and squeeze him and stare directly into his glowing, red eyes. [gets targeted] I'm gonna hug the stuffing out of you!
[The fridge starts flashing]
Fanboy: Hurry, Chum Chum!
[They get out and see Man-Arctica give Benjamin the bear]
Fanboy: [in slow motion] No! [grabs the bear and hits the ground. Finally getting attacked] AHH! Ah, ah, ah! Make it stop! Make it stop! Oh, this is terribly dangerous. Why I put in itching powder? Oh, the humanity! Okay, that one was cool. BUT IT REALLY HURT! My clothes are melting to my skin! My skin is melting to my bones! Oh, it's pouring salt on all my wounds!
Chum Chum: Conventional, warheads. I thought we put in a nuclear payload. [after one last boom] Oh, there it is.
[Fanboy stands up, burnt. His costume has melted, leaving behind a single icicle on his head]
Fanboy: Who ordered the cotton candy? [faints]

Benjamin: [picks up the fluff Fanboy was holding, all that remained of the bear] YOU BLOWDED UP MY TEDDY BEAR! [starts crying]
Man-Arctica: [groaning] Can't! Stand! Children! Crying! [to Chum Chum] That's the only reason I give children presents. I'd like to give them another, but I don't have any extras! Oh well, I'll just have to destroy him instead. [Gets his dis-integrator ray ready]
Fanboy: No, wait! I have a present for him. [walks over to the sack and takes out the S.M.O.R.K.] Here, take this one.
Benjamin: Whoa! A S.M.O.R.K.!
Fanboy: Actually, it's a "Stublublublubmubdublub-Ork". I asked for some modifications.
Man-Arctica: [Takes the S.M.O.R.K.] Wait! That toy is ment for a "Fanboy". What if he cries? Then, I'll have to destroy him!
Fanboy: No, it's okay. Because... [removes the icicle on his head] I'm Fanboy!
Man-Arctica: [gasp] A human boy? Posing as a Blue Berry?!
Fanboy: I'm sorry, Man-Arctica. I asked for a M.O.R.K., but I really wanted a S.M.O.R.K., and when I tried to change it, my Wishsicle turned red, and then we snuck into the Igloo, and Chum Chum was Sweedish, and "rippidee, rippidoo", and then we made these terrible toys, because we didn't wanna end up on the naughty list forever, oh, and please, don't make me end up on the naughty list forever! [sobs]
Man-Arctica: It's okay, it's okay. You can stop crying. [he doesn't] I said "stop crying". [he still doesn't, with his dis-integrator ray] YOU HAVE THREE SECONDS TO COMPLY!
Fanboy: [sniff, to Benjamin] I'm sorry I ruined your Icemas present. [Presents his S.M.O.R.K.] Please, take my S.M.O.R.K., I want you to have it.
[Benjamin tries to grab it away, but Fanboy won't let go]
Benjamim: Then, let go of it, already!
[He lets go. Benjamin runs out and giggles, S.M.O.R.K. in hand]
Chum Chum: Hey, Fanboy? Isn't your S.M.O.R.K. way more dangerous than the teddy bear?
Fanboy: Oh, yeah. Way more.
[The S.M.O.R.K. attacks]
Benjamin: Oh, AH! AH! Make it stop! Ah, ah!
Man-Arctica: Let's get out of here before he starts crying.
[They tiptoe out]

[Back on the roof, Chum Chum has also taken off his disguise and all are with Man-Arctica]
Fanboy: Man-Arctica? I'm so sorry I lied to you.
Man-Arctica: It's okay. I knew you were Fanboy all along. I just wanted you to learn the true meaning of Icemas.
Fanboy: Really?
Man-Arctica: No, but that's my story and I'm sticking to it. I can't have kids finding out how easy it is to get into the Igloo! So you're back on the nice list and Ol' Gentle here is gonna be screening all my Wishsicles.
Chum Chum: So, I guess this is good -- [Ol' Gentle growls] Yip!
Man-Arctica: Whoa. It's getting late, and I've still got deliveries to make. I -- [looks at Fanboy]
Fanboy: [sadly] Mmmm...
Man-Arctica: Wish I had something to give you, Fanboy, but these gifts are all spoken for.
Fanboy: That's OK, I understand.
Man-Arctica: On second thought, maybe I do have something you would like.
[Fanboy and Chum Chum look at each other confused]

[Man-Arctica opens a hatch on the back of the sleigh, revealing a small gift shooting unit]
Man-Arctica: The RPDS 4-51, Rapid Present Delivery System.
Fanboy and Chum Chum: [gasp]
Man-Arctica: Are you guys any good at blasting stuff?
[They smile at each other]

[And so, the entire late night went on. Man-Arctica drives the sleigh as F&C use the RPDS 4-51 to shoot thousands of presents. Some of the kids are outside as they catch the presents F&C shoot]
Murphy: Coo!
Joey: Yah! Ooph!
Murphy: Yah!
Molly: Hahaha. Ooph!

[The sleigh flies over the last building we see. Cut to it flying away as Man-Arctica, Fanboy and Chum Chum give out the closing speech]
Man-Arctica: Brrr-y Icemas to all!
Fanboy and Chum Chum: And to all, a good night!
[The last word is vibrated as F&C continue to shoot presents at the camera. The sleigh flies out of sight and the episode is finished]

Previous:
"Lice Lice Baby"
Transcripts Next:
"Funny Face"

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